I can't wait to go back to Seattle. I must admit that I miss everything there. My mom, my sister, my aunt, my cousins, Curly, my friends, the heat of "summer sunshine", the MALLS, studying, my room, my computer. OK, let's just say I miss EVERYTHING. Don't get me wrong here; I'm enjoying my vacation here in the PI. I enjoy being with my sister and her family and of course, I enjoy being with my friends. But, just recently, I realized that my life is very much "complex" here -- I don't know if "complex" is an exaggerated description, but I think that it's the right word to use in this kind of issue/situation.
So how complex is it? First and foremost, the complexities regarding my family here. Somehow, being the paranoid person that I am, I feel like a burden to my sister and her husband. I don't know why. You see, they have 2 kids that they have to attend to and then there's the house that our family owns and there's their farm that they are currently taking care of. Then, there's the whole issue of my brother-in-law moving from one region of the country to another because of his job and that automatically affects my sister and their kids. See why I feel like I'm an "extra" baggage? Imagine what more could I feel if I was living here for real. I now understand why my mom doesn't want me to go to college here.
Another complexity is my life HERE. I realized that if I did still lived here, I think that I will be living in the past. I don't want to get any more descriptive than that, but yeah, I think that if I did still lived here, I will dwell in the memories of the past and not think about MOVING ON.
It's not that I don't like to live here anymore. It's just that I realized what my life will be like here if I was still living here at the moment. COMPLICATED. PATHETIC.
I love my sister, i love my friends. But FOR NOW, I think my life belongs to Seattle.
I now know the answers to the questions that I had 2 years ago.
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2 comments:
i probably add firewood to the fire by saying we miss you. :) but i won't take it back. i remember my aunt telling us that i should keep my philippine vacation under a month because the life i had left behind isn't mine anymore. i guess you will say it's true. anyhoo, take care! love, gail
Yes it is true, what once was my life here, is not mine anymore (does that make any sense?). I'll see you guys.. Promise ko, I'll make pilit to my mother na para payagan akong mag-Bible study with you guys sa Downtown.
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