i am afraid, afraid of the truth.

here's a comment i received in myspace from a friend:

[...] but yeah..lam mo ganyan tlga buhay...di natin maiiwasan and pagbabgo..sa tingin ko wlang buhay kung walang pagbabago..ksi sa pagbabago..marami tayong natutuklasan...natututunan...maaring maging hindi maganda ang mga kalalabasan ng mga pagbabagong ito..pero sa bandang huli ang mga di magagandang pangyayaring ito ang magiging sandigan natin para mas mapaunlad natin ang mga sarili natin...maaring meron tayong mga masaktan..at maaring meron din tayong mga taong mapasaya...pero sa kabila nga lahat...ang mundo at ang buhay ay punong puno ng mga pagbabago....minsan din akala natin batid na natin ang lahat....katulad ng pagkakakilala natin sa isang tao....di natin napapnsin na ang mga taong ito ay tlgang hindi natin kilala pero naiisip natin na kilala na natin sila...pero and totoo..kilala natin sila sa paraan na gusto natin silang makilala...nakakagulat di ba....nakakainis....basta isipin mo na lang na habang bilog ang mundo....patuloy pa ring iikot ito...di man natin mapagtanto ang mga pagbabago...atlis mahalin mo na lang ang sarili mo...!!!!

she just could not resist lecturing me in the public's eye. but i can't blame her, lahat ng sinabi nya totoo.

totoo ang kasabihan na ito: pisceans are good advisers, but they're BAD advice takers.

Thanks for everything. Have a Good Life.

i don't understand why we can't just tell the whole truth about who we really are, like it is as if we sugarcoat our "real" self to people because we are afraid of bad judgments and bad impressions that they will have on us.

i guess we can't really tell the whole truth about ourselves if we are trying to get to know who we are or if we don't really know who we really are. but in making friends or at least if we want to make friends, don't we owe it to the person that we want to be friends with to at least know some (honest) part of us that WE know of?

i don't like hypocrisy.

i don't really care for people who hide their true self from people that they call "friends".

i trashed something again, but it's ok, it wasn't really worth keeping it anyway because it wasn't really the "real" thing.

life has many ways of biting our asses. it is unfair and yes, we have to deal with that till the day that we die.

But even if it's unfair, I'm still thankful for it. I'm still thankful that I'm live in a world created by the one good Being that makes life fair in the end.

And on the thankful note....

I am thankful to God for always being there for me even if I don't acknowledge His presence that much

I am thankful for my family, especially for my mom, for being the kind of person she is and for being sacrificial to every whim and desire of her kids.

I am thankful for my friends, the true ones, the ones that truly cared, the ones that made me laugh, the ones that gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, the ones that made me feel that I'm gonna be alright, the ones that stuck with me through the bad times, the ones that i don't really talk to that much but i know that they're still there, and finally the ones that accepted me for who i am.

I am thankful for Curly, because he keeps me company when i'm going through bored times.

I am thankful for my computer, without it, I would be on the road to self-destruction because of the things that I would see on TV.

I am thankful for my clothes, without them I would be naked.

I am thankful for a warm bed, without it, I would be freezing my ass off.

I am thankful for my fondness of photography and music.

Finally, I'm thankful that I'm breathing right now.

This sh*t is BANANAS --- B-A-N-A-N-A-S

(1) Key Arena concert crowd. (2) Opening. (3) Gwen's opening with Harajuku Girls. (4) Gwen in her stripey outfit. (5) Gwen in her polky dotty outfit. (6) Gwen singing "Cool".

Gwen Stefani said F.U. during her concert last Monday at the Key Arena Center.
..... And to think there were a bunch of little kids who were watching her perform.

I took a lot of pictures, they're not really clear because we were really far from the stage. I also recorded videos of some parts of her show. Check out my Multiply to view them.

My sister bought me a concert shirt worth $40. Goodness. To think I could buy a pair of shoes with that price. Hmmm.. The things that we do for Gwenie. LOL.

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My Flickr site is updated.


** all links open in a new window

The New One

OK, so maybe I could stop being a subtle a** towards my brother and start treating him the way I treat my two sisters. But then again, I might just be feeling this way because of this kid right here:


Meet my newborn nephew everybody, Juan Miguel Paulo, a.k.a., Miggy.

Love the name. So cute.

For once, me nagustuhan akong decision na ginawa ng kapatid ko.

My Dream Photo Assignments

(1) Band Profile

*band picture
*band performing

(2) Candid Profile Shot

*of anyone

(3) Basketball Game

*more action pictures

(4) More Architecture shots

(5) More photojournalistic shots

*for practice means.

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I miss taking pictures. Man, digital SLR. If only. hmmm..

I'll update my Flickr site this week. I have lotsa pictures to put in it, mostly stuff I took during my newspaper shoots.

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TOTALLY UNRELATED:

The Side A Album entitled "Acoustic Love Songs" is the perfect CD for those who are soothing a broken heart or those who are going through a break up. The best CD! I listened to it while I was going through mine.

a Meme and a Song and a Disheartened being

Copy and paste the questions to your site and answer them, then pick five people whom you wish to be singled out. Don't forget to tell them they have been singled out.

You get one wish of anything, what would you ask for?
- My wish right now is to be right about wanting to finish college with a degree in Biochemistry.

What animal would you be?
- a dog (they seem to have the good life.. eat-sleep-play-eat-sleep-play)

Something you want to do in your life:
- travel Europe

One time there were these Ninjas...(finish the statement.)
- that were talking about their fighting styles.

One song you could listen to over and over again
- hmmm... good question.. I actually don't know.. hehehe

Coke or Pepsi
- Coke

Something you currently desire:
- an outfit to wear on Christmas Eve (can I get any more shallow than this?)

What's a "mastoid"? (Take a guess no peeking in a Dictionary.)
- i dunno.

One good deed you've done lately:
- I chose to hang out with my family rather than go to a friend's party (not that I can go or anything)

A funny moment in your life:
- last night was one.. hahahahaha.. A funny and scary moment.. won't go into any further details..

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I love love this song. It kind of describes what I want to do with my life right now.

Fly Away
by: Nelly

Free City
This is a shout out to every young brother
Doing his bid right now
Keep your head up
he's walking the yard wishing he has wings
Ya know fly right out of that joint
Yeah, man

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Man it's the longest yard I ever had to get in my life
See my life ain't right and my right don't wright
My niggas can't eat if the fish don't bite
My razor grows hairs like Mike at night
My big brother all mighty, I keep my ray I'm a G five G
I take a G five deep to my G is deep
On Murphy and the G don't speak
Listen man we don't get down round hurr
The body bag, you found and gagged right hurr
It's as serious as the sound right hurr
The guards guard the ground, four pounds right hurr
They ain't playin, they just lettin ya know
That anything that will happen will happen real slow
That the word from upstairs till you in that hole
I can't take it, I'm just ready to go

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

I'm in my cell 20 hours a day
I'm doin push ups every hour a day
Cuz I'm tryin to keep the cowards away
That's why I'm markin off the calendar days
Tryin ta get it out of the way
And I'm just tryin ta keep a piece of mind
And I'll strike a muh Fucka with a piece of mine
Cus he tryin to take a piece of mine
So Ima slice his a ass one piece of the time
But not that they closed the door, lock me in
In a cell thirty deep, but it's built for ten
What kind of world they got you in, with a barb wire fence that box you in
From now till they turn off the lights, I'm a read every thing in sight
It's kind tryin of hard to read at night
But Ima change my life and help anotha brotha take this fight

If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

Oh no, I gotta make it out this place some how
Oh no, Man I really believe that I could turn it around
Oh no, You see all I need is that second chance to show
Since the incarceration my obligation to rehabilitation
Oh no, they can punch behind, they can kick me low
Oh no, Spit on me, It's gonna take more than that for them to break my sould
I said oh no, man it's for people to understand how it's like to be
Jaded, incarcerated, most can't take it
And I can't wait to see better days

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

If I could fly away
If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away
If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away

So maybe it's a song for men that are locked up. But if you analyze the words in a deeper sense, you could actually relate it to your life.

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Why did I let a small thing become a big thing?
Why did I have to lead myself down a dead end road?
Why do my head keep bring up stuff up? AND why does my heart keep eating those stuff out?

Maybe I'm masochistic. Maybe I'm just not sensing the bigger picture. Call me crazy but I think I have numbed myself from getting hurt. It's unhealthy I know. Men, my issues are killing my insides.

HAHA.

I have two midterms tomorrow and look at what I'm doing.

Besides blogging, I've been in and out of FRIENDSTER and MYSPACE.

crap.

BAAAHH!!!

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got this idea from Peyton's Podcast:

Top Five Albums that I will bring on a deserted island:

1. No Doubt, The Singles - 1992-2003
2. Mix CD of my Top 18 Favorite Alternative Songs
3. Lifehouse Mix CD
4. Linkin Park Mix CD
5. Coldplay Mix CD

Why did I get hooked on Alternative/Independent music?

I was asking myself this question as I was walking from the bus stop to my house. I've been REALLY hooked on the genre since 2002? or 2001? I can't remember.

Anyway, I'm hooked because it's less irritating than the hiphop/rap, mainstream, and mush that I keep hearing over and over again on the radio.

I'm sleepppyyyy..

just because..

(1)

This week is another crazy academic week for me. I have 2 midterms going on on Friday and one paper that is due on Tuesday and to top all that I have Philo readings to read. Oh Joy!

I'm partially thankful that I didn't take any work study job because if I did my energy would just be shut down, as in way down.. probably beyond the "down" that I'm trying to say here.

I'm cramming on my paper right now. Yes, I blame myself for not prioritizing during this weekend. I had 3 days to do it and I chose today of the 3 days to do my first draft. Oh Joy. Well, to my defense, I got my outline down for it last Thursday. All I have to do now, and tomorrow, is form paragraphs and work on my diction. I just pray to God that He will provide wisdom to me despite my lack of responsibility.

(2)

I took some pictures yesterday of some late night restaurants that are near the U. I'm gonna post them on Flickr and maybe here once this week is over with.

(3)

I finally finished watching the Star Wars saga. Episode 6 is my favorite of all. Episode 1 takes second place. By the way, I WUV EWOKS! Because they're so cute and so furry and yeah.. I'm gonna shut up now.

(4)

Lastly, I was informed this weekend that Pisceans are born to love and train animals. INTERESTING.

despite the best efforts of preventing myself to breakdown..

Well, I still did, all because of one measly QUIZ.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
*Booker T. Washington*

Booker's right.

Family and friends are right.

So maybe I should stop belittling myself and start believing in the possible.

If I don't broadcast, I might flip inside out.

(1) I got a 55/125 on my first midterm in Biochemistry.

My professors sent out an email to me that reads, "we are concern about your performance in the first midterm for you have receive less than 50% of the total score and base on our previous experience, students who receive a grade less than 50% will most likely fail the entire course," obviously I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the gist of it.

(2) I got a 36/60 on my first Philosophy essay.

Writing Philosophy essays is hard. Just ask me, I'm currently experiencing it. I sorta made this rule for writing, think of it as one of the rules in Liane's world: if you can't write philosophically, then you can't write at all or you can't call yourself a writer at all.

I know that I'm not suppose to drawn myself in sorrow and self-pity and doubt. I mean they're only FIRSTS right?

Right now, I'm sorta preventing myself from breaking down. It is for me to say that because to me breaking down will not lead me anywhere but a black hole that contains sorrow, pity and doubt.

The email that was sent by my professors really put a dent on my heart. Somehow I felt like it was written in a condescending manner. But I know that the email was sent by good intentions, it did contain suggestions on how to do good on future exams.

I remember that I wrote something about wanting to have good grades in all my classes at the U. Somehow now I feel like I'm not gonna be able to fulfill that desire. But whatever.. who knows.. I told myself that I will make it up in my 2nd midterm and my 2nd paper.

I don't want to drown myself in doubt. I don't want to tell myself that I don't deserve to be in this school if I'm getting this kind of grades.

I've been told that Biochemistry was quite challenging. It was drilled in my brains a thousand times that writing philosophically is harder than writing a research paper.

I don't want to go through the drama of me not having ok grades in all my major classes. I do not want to go through doubting my choice of major again. I know that I've come so far and worked hard enough to get myself into this major and for me to just throw it all out because of some condescending email is just pure crappa.

As for my Philo class, well, it's interesting and confusing. I took the class because I wanted to learn something about Philosophy. Like I said before, in my previous posts, I did not have any single clue what Philosophy was really about before I entered that class. Now, I'm just full of "confused" questions and a somewhat "one-sided" mind.



sides: I just had to let all that out, you see I'd rather broadcast this to the whole world than to just talk to people. I'm kinda tired of talking. I'd rather write all the frustrations out.