random crap that i will edit later today

I'm thinking about deleting this blog.

Because I want to make room for a photoblog.

i'm hyper

kahit wala, masaya pa rin ako.
ok lang.. protected naman ako e.. natuto na.
masaya ako. sana lang hindi maging over over.

She wants to move

It's funny how I always feel helpless whenever I feel like I'm not doing a good job in keeping up with the pressures of school. It's funny that I always feel not good enough for this university whenever I feel like I'm going to fail. It's funny that I always feel like I want to give up whenever I can't seem to focus on studying. It's funny how I can't seem to find the right inspiration that will help me to not screw up.

I've enumerated a number of inspirations before --- my nieces and nephew, my relatives who died of cancer, that one person, my parents. But I can't seem to internalize the way that they can inspire me.

It's funny how I find it hard to study in college, when in high school I studied like a mad scientist. How is the studying of a high school student different from college? Is it because in high school, everything was spoon-fed to you, while in college somehow everything was spoon fed to you and it's just up to you to do the rest of the spoon-feeding?

Anyway, my birthday's coming up. HEHE. It's funny because before I don't seem so excited about it, now, it's all I can think about. Probably because I'm entering the 20s. hahaha.. what's so significant about that right? hehehe.. But I guess what's different now, is that I am excited about it, but I don't feel like celebrating it. Before, my family use to go out to celebrate birthdays, now I don't really feel like doing that. I just want to stay home, cook for it, eat and go on with the rest of my duties. I guess now, what's more important to me is celebrating it at home with the family with a bunch of food that we either cooked or bought at the store. Plus, it's less expensive that way. Restaurants are expensive, cooking food at home, not expensive.

i'm scared

i'm scared. i'm really scared of what is and what will be.

i'm scared of false things.

i'm scared of being burned.

i'm really scared right now.

stress is getting the best out of me

i got slammed with a lot of work this weekend and to top it all off, i had to attend a friend's birthday party last friday.

i didn't get to finish all of the work that I was suppose to do.

physics killed me by 9pm last night. it's funny because i've been working on that homework for the past week and still i didn't get the chance to finish it.

english midterm today. why does english have to have midterms anyway?

math. well math's good to me. i have hw due on wednesday.

fafsa. DAMN IT! The most easiest job in the world and still i can't manage to finish it last weekend.

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?

i use to thrive in stressful situations. you know, with the pressure mounting up on me and all. but last night, i just could not take it anymore. i just had to leave it all behind and sleep it off. the heck is wrong with me.

i cannot fail again. i think i can't take it if i fail again.

i got my money on this..

My sister and her husband, as well as my mother, will be going back to the PI this spring to visit my other sister, my brother and my dad. They're going home because they're gonna try to hold a wedding for my brother at a church and to visit my new nephew.

It sucks because I can't really go with them because of school and well, I don't really want to go with them. But hearing where they're gonna go during the span of three weeks makes me want to go. They were saying that they were gonna go travel around. They say that they might go to Pagudpud Beach in Ilocos Norte. They say that they might go to one of the beaches in Batangas. They say that they might go to Mindoro. They say that they might go to Baguio.

Oh, for crying out loud.

That's like 1GB worth of photos for me. The sceneries.. the people.. my nieces and nephew.. my family.. the sun.. the heat.. DAMN IT! WHY WHY WHY... Kill me now before I do myself. I can't believe I'm missing that kind of photo adventure. That's a lot of places for me to cover and a lot of people for me to cover as well. Photojournalism + Nature Tripping + Candid Portraits + WHAT ELSE???

ARGGHHHH...

It's so sad because I'm the only one who's not going to be there. That's like the first family reunion we'll have since my sister's wedding back in 2000. WOW. HAHAHA.. I'm such a party pooper. But, blame it on school. I really don't want to miss a quarter and not be able to graduate on time.

THE PICTUREEES!!! WAAAHHH.. That makes me so sad.. HAHAHAHA..

Oh well.. TOUGH.

I guess I just have to be happy with the spring here in Seattle.

"cause i'm learning to breathe"

photo-related

I think I'm doing better with my photojournalism pictures. I think. Well, some of the photos that I've taken are pretty bland compared to the other photoj's pictures. But yeah, I think I'm getting better at it. I hope that the editor comments on something. I just need to know on what to improve on.

I've come a long way -- from being a photo-shy person that I am to becoming someone who actually loves taking photos. I'm really excited where this fondness will take me. I just hope that it takes me to a place that I will love and be happy with.

I haven't really taken any new pictures lately. No inspiration yet. No one's striking me with it. Nothing's striking me with it. I don't know.

Oh yeah, I updated my Flickr photopage, so go check it out.

And ahhh.. I got a photograph published on the front page of the university's student paper. I'll upload that issue SOON. I just don't have time right now to do it.

long distance friendship

I haven't talked to my two friends back in the PI. GAHH.. I miss them. It's funny because during my first two years here, I always call them every week. Now it's just once a month or not call them at all. I guess we're all busy with our lives now. They're preparing for their senior year , their "thesis" year, while me, I'm trying to still cope up with university stuff. I haven't heard a single story from them yet. No news. I wish I can go home this spring. Oh well. I just wish that we won't totally forget about each other.

"no communication does not mean an end to a friendship."

a birthday wishlist

.... so this was the Christmas wishlist that I posted way back in December of last year:

1) $$$ towards Europe trip

2) Digital SLR - I have no idea what I kind want yet, but I want one.

4) To start being a positive thinker.

5) SOMEONE, ANYONE, to go on a food trip with me.

6) Talk to someone that I haven't talk to in a long time over a cup of joe.

10) World Peace... and I ain't joking here.

I got four of them granted (notice the missing numbers) last Christmas. So anybody wanna grant this remaining six on my birthday? =)

adding two more...

11) A HUSKY dog.. the grey or the brown one.. suree.. stuff toy counts too if the actual dog is too expensive.. LOL.

12) Lacie 160GB Firewire External HD