(To the ladies and gentlemen who have participated in the mini discussion of this blog entry: A new comment has been made by someone who has gained A LOT OF LESSONS FROM EXPERIENCES IN THE "LOVE" department. I personally think that this comment may help some of you figure out some things that is bothering your head.)
I have a friend who says that he/she will take the risk of telling someone that they "like" (like, meaning, maybe we can be friends, then maybe we can be more than friends) them if it was worth it.
I admire them for that because they're not afraid of the consequences that might come their way if they do tell. They said that even if they get rejected, at least, they won't regret not telling it.
But isn't it paradoxical to think about this? We were always told to guard our hearts from the potential misleads and expectations that can hurt it, but then, we always read or always hear the phrase, "tell them how you feel about them because if you don't, you might regret it in the future".
I think that's where I'm at right now. I'm stuck in between two outlooks where I can't seem to get myself out of.
I guess some of you who are reading this right now, know from experience what I'm talking about.
Therefore, I salute you for the courage to stand right in front of that someone and pretending to be "just a friend" to him or her. I also salute the people, who had the courage to tell their "someone" that they like them.
Asteg kayo!
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27 comments:
well it is funny you mentioned this because i am going through the same exact thing right now. Aren't I the lucky one to be able to read your blog right now FOR THE FIRST TIME, then actually have something to come out of it ?You've given me something else to consider - like not to be upfront when it comes to this because I think it is better to "get to know" the other person first just so you'll have more options in the consequences. That way you'll have something to fall back on if worst comes to worst, right? Gosh you've shed a new light in me- your a lifesaver.
if only it was just THAT easy..wehhehe...these friends you have, huever he or she is, he or she will have to go through SERIOUS emotional preparation..let alone, having to face the consequence(s) when the "worst does come to worst," afterwards. heheh..does that make sense?!?! but yeah, he or she wont know what the outcome is until they've done his/her "confessions." as you know, it's hard to keep things in, especially when that person is around you all the time.. it's such a temptation..goshh..maybe your friend, huever he or she is, is planning to do that out of desperation...
by the way..i also salute you for having the courage to pretend that the person in front of you, the one you insist on avoiding, is "just a friend." you deserve it too!!*wink*hihihihihihihi....
oh and by the way, just a thought, and also ur anonymous friend could help out...why is it so easy for the guys to admit that they like the girl, fess up and stand in front of that girl as if nothing is up??but when the girl likes the guy, its a whole different issue?!?! tell me!!!
geez...could you be anymore confusing?
....confused little girl!
ow and um, I would not be so sure if all guys do that...u know not judge people and put them all in one category, right? it's plain wrong.
I usually don't like it when people hide under the name "anonymous" or use nicknames to comment. But, I'll make an exception on this one since I think you guys are just protecting your identities. HE.HE.
anonymous - the term "life saver" is flattering, so I thank you for that. And yes, it's better to know the person first before telling them that you like them. I don't think you would want to scare them off by saying that you like them before even getting know who they are.
confused little girl - well, if it is out of desperation, i still admire him/her for that, at least s/he has the courage to do such act.
and as for the brewing issue of: "it's ok for a guy to tell a girl that he likes her, but it's not ok for a girl to tell the guy that she likes him, since it would make her look like a desperate one."
in my own opinion, i think it depends on the situation. a guy can be open to a girl telling him that she likes him or he can be turned off by it. In short, I think it just depends on who the guy is and what he thinks of things such as this.
Thanks for your comments! HEHEHE..
anonymous: ahem..FYI, i wasn't generalizing..i was just bringing up an issue..but if u thought i was judging the guys' point of view on this topic, my bad..i ddnt mean to sound judgemental..hehe..im just confused..wahhahaha....but lets all face it..we gotta face the downside of fessing up!!rejection..ryt?!?
liane:hehehe..YES..i am trying to protect my identity..whehhehe..thanks for understanding..hehehhe..
hehehe.. alright this is how it goes. I think that what you truly feel about that individual should be brought to their attention in a appropriate way. You just have to be mature about it and make sure that when you tell that person, your not doing this to get any attention or to get anything period. You should share feeling as long as it will benefit you and the other person. as a friend you supposed to help each other out. your looking after her and she's looking after you... in this case in order for that to happen... trust must be the key to making things right. honesty is the best way to do this. Now there is a consequence when dealing with this scenerio. one is we all fear and that is rejection. Rejection means not liking the idea but doesn't mean she or he is rejecting you as a whole person. Rejection is way to make you stronger... not weaker.
sweetest guy ... ever ... --- are you really sweet??? hahahahahhahaha... JOWK. Anyway, all I can say about what you just said is this: I AGREE WITH YOU. But, here's a scenario for you: WHAT IF YOU'RE LIKING A CLOSE FRIEND? (YOU GUYS SHARE PROBLEMS, HELP EACH OTHER OUT.. THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.. )---- would you still tell them that you like them at the expense of the friendship you guys have? would you still take the risk of telling them, even if you know that you can jeopardize the friendship?
just want to know what you think about that..
Honesty should never cause a frienship to fall apart. As long as you speak with your heart and tell him/her everything you feel then you should be fine. It's also up to the person to who has this unexplainable feeling to make sure that this feeling he or she has is for real. What i meant by that is to make sure that these feelings last longer than a mentos, something you don't find in a cereal box, and it can't be bought. if your telling them how you feel deep inside your heart, why should it jeopordize the friendship? It's all about maturity... If the friendship you think will be in boiling water because you told them how you TRUELY feel then something has to be done with the friendship itself... not just you. Being true friends is about being real and truthfull to each other, that's when love come in place. if none of this apply to the situation... then i highly suggest that this person backs off and and wait untill it's for real.
and that's how I think about that..
From the Undercover, Love Doctor, make you feel better, chiropractor, ooohhh so clever, never say never to the sweetest guy.. ever..... shhhh I'll talk to you later alligator!!!!
am I sweet... all natural with no sugar added!!!
well, i jst did what u were saying, i admitted to this guy na i like him.....i faced the consequences....and na-busted ako! haha.....pero ok lng.... sbi ko nlng s sarili, "it's ok, atleast uve told him what u really feel, na it's ok kesa namn mag-lie ka sa sarili mo" i dunno if i did the right thing....sumhow, im still regreting wat i did....pero, tpos na eh....cnt do anything.....well, now, we're friends...still...
haay.....ang love talaga!
hi jamie!!i give u kudos for finally fessing up to the guy you like!!woww...framis!!kudos tlga!!heheh..i cant believe you finally fessed up!!hehehe.im happy you guys still kept ur friendship, even after wat happened..that took guts!!heheh..i think im gonna wait for now, and seriously think about my feelings for this guy..if my feelings will jeopardize anything at all.whehehe...love moves in mysterious ways ya knoww..hehhe...
btw..jamie huever you r..heheh..feeling close noh?!?!heheh..im not sure how long u've had a thing for your friend..but still..you did it!hehhe..
liane: btw... best blog entry ever!!!soo intriguing!! kudos to you too!!:P keep them coming!!
Now i got something for eveyone here... since where talking about what to say and what not to say... I got a question for everyone. How do you know when to say what you need to say to that individual without having to go through so much emotion holding it in? When do you know how you feel is actually the real thing? and last but not least why do you think confessing to that individual will bring such a paradox that these issues people tend to tip toe away from? So let me know how you feel!!!
Sweetest guy... ever
For jamie... hey never regret what you have done. As long as you spoke with your true heart what else can you do... you have made a step which ordinary women in this world have a hard time doing. Your picture might not be in front of the news paper but you have done something worth more than being recognize. hopefully this will help your character grow... give yourself props cause I'm willing to give you hella!!!
Sweetest guy ever
JAMIE - ikaw ba si ANONYMOUS?
I give you tons of praises for having the courage to tell your guy that you like him. And even though you got rejected, at least, it’s all out in the open. No more lying to yourself. And at least, you know that that guy is A TRUE FRIEND, kasi after you told him that you liked him, you guys still remained friends.. at least wala awkwardness. SO PROPS TO YOU.
SWEETEST GUY EVER.. - here are my answers to your Qs:
How do you know when to say what you need to say to that individual without having to go through so much emotion holding it in?
I don’t understand what you mean by this. Are you asking that if you can’t hold the “feelings” or “emotions” any longer, are you going to tell him or her about it?
When do you know how you feel is actually the real thing?
I think that you won’t actually know it, but instead, you will feel it. I hear that that the feeling of true love is unexplainable. And I can support that with my own experience, which I won’t go any further in telling.
Why do you think confessing to that individual will bring such a paradox that these issues people tend to tip toe away from?
I’m confused about this question. Do you mean that the reason why people tend to avoid “telling the truth” is because of the “paradoxical issues” that they are caught in?
Comment din ako. Mag-ramblings ba!??. Heeheee. Well, it depends who's doing it? how they do it? their motivations for doing it? I guess, for me, if you don't want to put yourself in the bad position, better just keep it to yourself. And really pay attention to everything that are telling you it's not worth it and truly discern the whole situation before leaping into the idea. Maybe, it's just a feeling, after all. It comes and go. But for some, they have such tenacity to take a step. Like you said, it's really laudable because they are emotional drawbacks at stake. We are not just dealing with one day confessing what we feel. We are putting ourself out there. Dependeng on how you handle the outcome, it will be rough to reclaim yourself.
I just felt the urge to comment b/c I had this strong feelings towards this "special someone" a long long time ago. Many times I was tempted to tell him but I never did. I guess I was aware of the fact that it was all infatuation and I took a lot of time to figure things out. Plus, I want to discern God's voice over that situation. It hurt, but I dediced to kept in inside and seek out counself from others and get myself far from him because my mind was just too diluted to even take a step and risk tainting our frienship. It just wasn't right to confess what I felt. Looking back, I wondered what if I told him? What will happen then? But on the other hand, I was glad that I did not. I felt like God did not called me on a relationship in that situation or with that person. He let me know by getting me out of that situation. Also, because I was beginning to enjoy his friendship. It was a complete blessing to get to know him as a person and not just someone I am interested to get to know because of what I felt. I guess, it takes a choice and be in touch with the reality.
IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE BECAUSE IN EVERY SITUATIONS CALLS FOR DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS.
patience with the grammar na lang. hey! it's 12:29 am. not time to edit. hahaaaa
No... i'm not anonymous. I'll explain myself
1st question, here is what i meant, when would you know it's the right time to tell the person you like/love him/her without having to go nuts thinking about him or her prior to telling this person how you feel?
3rd question: why do you think that people tend think something bad will happen but really its the same percentage that something good will happen to?
am i making any sense???? although i like your answer on the second question...
naturally sweet.
this is for "the owner" or Liane. Sorry I could not show you my true identity, it only was only a case of misunderstanding on my part. I am the "anonymous". But no worry I'll let you know when time comes for you know now what's at stake right now. To all the others who helped clear things up for me, Thank you. It's been fun reading all your comments, as i take notes. Hope someday we'll all introduce ourself when all is said and done. It's been a wonderful experience. Peace out.
the guy who just can't stop lovin...uhmmm.
SARAH -
It hurt, but I dediced to kept in inside and seek out counself from others and get myself far from him because my mind was just too diluted to even take a step and risk tainting our frienship. It just wasn't right to confess what I felt.
Same here, I don't want to risk ruining the friendship. Sayang kasi e. Friendship with that person is highly more important to me than anything else.
sweetest guy - I was referring to Jamie as anonymous. I already know who you are. LOL.
when would you know it's the right time to tell the person you like/love him/her without having to go nuts thinking about him or her prior to telling this person how you feel?
I think one person is already going crazy even before deciding to tell their someone that they like him or her. THAT"S PROVEN.
why do you think that people tend think something bad will happen but really its the same percentage that something good will happen to?
Sometimes people just want to expect the "worst of the worst". It "sometimes" keeps them sane. At least, in the end, they won't hurt as much as when they think that something good will happen. Get it? HEHEHE..
anonymous - That's ok. I think I know who you are anyway. It's good that the people here have shed some light for you. Take Care.
Here are my .02 cents on this discussion based my experience. I have been in this situation before...actually 2x. The first story: I liked this guy a lot (huge crush) who is part of our group of friends and we hang out all the time. In fact, he is my brother's friend. I got to know him quite a bit from our conversations and being together all the time and I started developing a crush on him. At first, I did not think much about it since I figured that it will go away one day. Ummm, it didn't and in fact it grew bigger and bigger each day!!! My other friends knew about it and sometimes would blatantly tease us but we just shrugged them off. Until one day I decided to take the chance and just tell him that I have a big crush on him. (note that I am not the typical kind of girl that would do such a thing) Well, so I did when we were left alone one time...perfect moment! After telling him how I felt, he had this smile on his face and told me that he has a crush on me as well. Happy ending? Not totally. So, we started dating and all that jazz but it turns out that we are not really compatible in that kind of relationship. We ended up our "dating" and continued to become friends. There is more to this but I need to go to my second story so just keep in touch with me directly if you need more info. Liane knows who I am. The second story: In college, I had a huge crush on this guy and never told any of my friends learning from my first experience. I had the pleasure of being introduced to this fellow and we just started saying "hi" to each other but no real deep conversations. So this went on and for a while that I just lost hope that I will never get a chance to really know him or even get him to notice me. One day, my very best friend told me that she met this guy at this one party on campus and he asked her for a date. I asked who he was...and yes, it ended up being my crush!!! Of course being a true friend that I am, I told her the truth about how I felt about this guy. Well, she felt really bad about the whole thing and I told her that it wasn't her fault. This only means that I am not his type of girl to go out with. To add salt to the wound, obviously, he started hanging out with us a lot since he is dating my best friend. I just learned to get over him and it is just a crush and NOT love. This is one misconception that most of us ladies put ourselves through. We cannot right away tell that what we feel is truly love to another person until that feeling is reciprocated. It will always remain as a big crush or a "strong feeling". We should refrain from equating these deep emotions to LOVE when it isn't!!! If you want to torture yourself for a long time without telling that person how you feel, be my guest! I am going to put a stake to the ground and tell you that the truth will always set you free. If he is a true friend, he will remain as a friend regardless of what the conversation turns out to be. Similarly, you have to take it as it is and never feel bad if he does not feel the same. At least you got it out of your system and will stop wondering...and just move on! Then again, you may get lucky and he actually feels the same way!!! Good luck to you! P.S. There are a lot of wonderful men out there. It will take time to meet that one "perfect guy" but he is out there...
icebreaker - YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT WENT ON WITH MOI. THANKS YOU FOR THE COMMENT. *MUAHNESS* TO YAH.
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