Blah.

it sucks when you're on your own when a problem strikes you down.

it sucks even more when that problem strikes you down when you're in a middle of a stressful situation.

is this God's way of seeing how resilient I am?

I guess so.

is this His way of wanting to know how much faith I have in Him?

I guess so.

God, don't leave me behind. I need you right now. I give the problem and the stress to you. I know that you won't leave me hanging.

random crap that i will edit later today

I'm thinking about deleting this blog.

Because I want to make room for a photoblog.

i'm hyper

kahit wala, masaya pa rin ako.
ok lang.. protected naman ako e.. natuto na.
masaya ako. sana lang hindi maging over over.

She wants to move

It's funny how I always feel helpless whenever I feel like I'm not doing a good job in keeping up with the pressures of school. It's funny that I always feel not good enough for this university whenever I feel like I'm going to fail. It's funny that I always feel like I want to give up whenever I can't seem to focus on studying. It's funny how I can't seem to find the right inspiration that will help me to not screw up.

I've enumerated a number of inspirations before --- my nieces and nephew, my relatives who died of cancer, that one person, my parents. But I can't seem to internalize the way that they can inspire me.

It's funny how I find it hard to study in college, when in high school I studied like a mad scientist. How is the studying of a high school student different from college? Is it because in high school, everything was spoon-fed to you, while in college somehow everything was spoon fed to you and it's just up to you to do the rest of the spoon-feeding?

Anyway, my birthday's coming up. HEHE. It's funny because before I don't seem so excited about it, now, it's all I can think about. Probably because I'm entering the 20s. hahaha.. what's so significant about that right? hehehe.. But I guess what's different now, is that I am excited about it, but I don't feel like celebrating it. Before, my family use to go out to celebrate birthdays, now I don't really feel like doing that. I just want to stay home, cook for it, eat and go on with the rest of my duties. I guess now, what's more important to me is celebrating it at home with the family with a bunch of food that we either cooked or bought at the store. Plus, it's less expensive that way. Restaurants are expensive, cooking food at home, not expensive.

i'm scared

i'm scared. i'm really scared of what is and what will be.

i'm scared of false things.

i'm scared of being burned.

i'm really scared right now.

stress is getting the best out of me

i got slammed with a lot of work this weekend and to top it all off, i had to attend a friend's birthday party last friday.

i didn't get to finish all of the work that I was suppose to do.

physics killed me by 9pm last night. it's funny because i've been working on that homework for the past week and still i didn't get the chance to finish it.

english midterm today. why does english have to have midterms anyway?

math. well math's good to me. i have hw due on wednesday.

fafsa. DAMN IT! The most easiest job in the world and still i can't manage to finish it last weekend.

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?

i use to thrive in stressful situations. you know, with the pressure mounting up on me and all. but last night, i just could not take it anymore. i just had to leave it all behind and sleep it off. the heck is wrong with me.

i cannot fail again. i think i can't take it if i fail again.

i got my money on this..

My sister and her husband, as well as my mother, will be going back to the PI this spring to visit my other sister, my brother and my dad. They're going home because they're gonna try to hold a wedding for my brother at a church and to visit my new nephew.

It sucks because I can't really go with them because of school and well, I don't really want to go with them. But hearing where they're gonna go during the span of three weeks makes me want to go. They were saying that they were gonna go travel around. They say that they might go to Pagudpud Beach in Ilocos Norte. They say that they might go to one of the beaches in Batangas. They say that they might go to Mindoro. They say that they might go to Baguio.

Oh, for crying out loud.

That's like 1GB worth of photos for me. The sceneries.. the people.. my nieces and nephew.. my family.. the sun.. the heat.. DAMN IT! WHY WHY WHY... Kill me now before I do myself. I can't believe I'm missing that kind of photo adventure. That's a lot of places for me to cover and a lot of people for me to cover as well. Photojournalism + Nature Tripping + Candid Portraits + WHAT ELSE???

ARGGHHHH...

It's so sad because I'm the only one who's not going to be there. That's like the first family reunion we'll have since my sister's wedding back in 2000. WOW. HAHAHA.. I'm such a party pooper. But, blame it on school. I really don't want to miss a quarter and not be able to graduate on time.

THE PICTUREEES!!! WAAAHHH.. That makes me so sad.. HAHAHAHA..

Oh well.. TOUGH.

I guess I just have to be happy with the spring here in Seattle.

"cause i'm learning to breathe"

photo-related

I think I'm doing better with my photojournalism pictures. I think. Well, some of the photos that I've taken are pretty bland compared to the other photoj's pictures. But yeah, I think I'm getting better at it. I hope that the editor comments on something. I just need to know on what to improve on.

I've come a long way -- from being a photo-shy person that I am to becoming someone who actually loves taking photos. I'm really excited where this fondness will take me. I just hope that it takes me to a place that I will love and be happy with.

I haven't really taken any new pictures lately. No inspiration yet. No one's striking me with it. Nothing's striking me with it. I don't know.

Oh yeah, I updated my Flickr photopage, so go check it out.

And ahhh.. I got a photograph published on the front page of the university's student paper. I'll upload that issue SOON. I just don't have time right now to do it.

long distance friendship

I haven't talked to my two friends back in the PI. GAHH.. I miss them. It's funny because during my first two years here, I always call them every week. Now it's just once a month or not call them at all. I guess we're all busy with our lives now. They're preparing for their senior year , their "thesis" year, while me, I'm trying to still cope up with university stuff. I haven't heard a single story from them yet. No news. I wish I can go home this spring. Oh well. I just wish that we won't totally forget about each other.

"no communication does not mean an end to a friendship."

a birthday wishlist

.... so this was the Christmas wishlist that I posted way back in December of last year:

1) $$$ towards Europe trip

2) Digital SLR - I have no idea what I kind want yet, but I want one.

4) To start being a positive thinker.

5) SOMEONE, ANYONE, to go on a food trip with me.

6) Talk to someone that I haven't talk to in a long time over a cup of joe.

10) World Peace... and I ain't joking here.

I got four of them granted (notice the missing numbers) last Christmas. So anybody wanna grant this remaining six on my birthday? =)

adding two more...

11) A HUSKY dog.. the grey or the brown one.. suree.. stuff toy counts too if the actual dog is too expensive.. LOL.

12) Lacie 160GB Firewire External HD

"and you asked me what I want this year"

it's not how fast you get to the finish line but how you tried to get there and how you learned from experiences. sometimes it's not all about who finishes first or last. it's about taking things slowly one step at a time and working on things slowly but surely and actually learning while you're at it. - taken from Gail

What a slap in the head for me. She's right. It doesn't matter how fast you finish something, what matters is how you got to finish it and how you actually worked your way there.

It's funny because this quote applies to my life these days. I've been so crammed up that I just wanted to get my homeworks done. DONE, meaning just DONE. I didn't really care how I answer the questions or if I understand the question at all. I didn't really care if I understand the solutions and the concepts. I just wanted it to be over with so I can get to the next thing that I have to do.

It's funny how a person, practically a stranger, have given me something to ponder upon again. I think it takes only one stranger (or two) for me to realize how shallow I can become. My friends are NO HELP! HAHAHA.. Kidding.

Yesterday, I was complaining, while watching the news, about howcome we don't have any sunbreaks during the week. My sister told me, "Liane, it's Seattle, aren't you used to it yet?". True. IT IS SEATTLE. Seattle won't be SEATTLE if it's not raining. I am used to it already, I'm just got fed up with it yesterday. LOL. I want just one day without rain. HAA.. I HAVE TO BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT IS AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT WHAT IS NOT. Anyway, the rain is good, it makes me work. Just last night I sort of, finished my Inferno book (finished it, but not totally understood it. OH YEAH.). I did that because for one I have to finish it by today and well, I got inspired by the pouring rain.

-0-

I have a twisted sense of logic. Earlier, I've been thinking about some stuff that scares me. There's this one thing that just started to scare me, and I guess IT scared me because I got burned from it before and I THINK I'm going through IT again so I guess I kind of started to think about it again and then I went on and on rationalizing it in my ahead, or at least I think that I was rationalizing about it. I guess sometimes I tend to get my whole logical thinking twisted (haha, look at what I've inherited from my mom). UGH, I just hate superficial, mundane and shallow matters. I don't know why I let them get to me.

-0-

~ I bought a book (out of impulse.ugh) yesterday. It's called In Her Shoes and it's written by Jennifer Weiner. And yes, it is the book that got turned into a movie. I was suppose to borrow it from the library, but since I'm so lazy and so impulsive, I just had to buy it.

~ Been listening to a lot of slow jams (aka. R and B) sounds lately, mostly old sounds. Something influenced me. HAHA. Or maybe alternative rock is being washed out of my system by the slow jams. EK. See that scares me because most of the slow jams that I listen to are sentimental/cheesy.

~ I am so jealous with one of my co-workers at the newspaper. She got the chance to shoot Hillary Clinton's press conference at the Seattle Biodiesel. I'm so jealous!! I couldn't take the assignment because I had to take care of stuff at the house. MEN. A once in a lifetime event. But, oh well. There will always be a next time for something great, right?

~ I've been writing lesser these days. I think that maybe the reason why I sometimes tend to sound stupid in some conversations that I have had with friends. Grammatically speaking, I'm really off. I just don't have the drive to write. I think it all went to taking pictures.

~ I have some back-log entries to post. The reason why I haven't posted them yet is because they're photo-related, have to scan/upload some of the photos that I have to incorporate with them. But I'll post them when I get the drive to scan. LOL.


Have a nice week y'all. Enjoy the rain!


UPDATE: 11:30 AM

Not good to start the week by being pissed off. I got published again today and when I saw how the photos were presented, it was just... UGH.

because I'm a big XMEN fan

X-MEN 3

MAY 26, 2006

TRAILER

OH YEAAHH!!! OHH YEAAHH!!! HECCKK YEAAHH!! I'M EXCITED!! BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR 2 YEARS!!

Bluer than Blue

PISCES:

Have you been accused of living in a dream world, Pisces? That’s not entirely true; you only see aspects of reality that others can’t. But this year you’ll discover a practical, businesslike streak in you that will enable you to face mundane matters with determination and confidence that you never knew you had. This doesn’t mean that your romantic, mystical, artistic side will go down the tubes. In fact, facing both romance and creativity with a more practical viewpoint could well improve both – and thus make the Fish VERY happy! You’ll be glowing with love, appearing more attractive. People will become more aware of you and whatever work you do – thus increasing your standing in all worlds. The key word here is, of course, balance.

AHAHAHAHAHA...

Now if I were to believe this crap ---- I would definitely be excited about FACING CREATIVITY WITH A MORE PRACTICAL VIEWPOINT and PEOPLE BEING AWARE OF WHATEVER WORK I DO. Not really believing the looveee stuff, but that's just me being a cynical byatch.

Check out this link if you're curious as to what 2006 holds for your sign.

----

PROJECT(s)!

I have several photography projects in mind that I want to do this year. There's quite a lot that I'm thinking about and I actually want to deviate myself from that because it's making me insane! So, I lined up these projects that I want to do AND finish by the end of this year. I'm following my English 211 lesson:

"don't dwell too much on your problems, if you do it will make you go crazy. do something for yourself. do something that will make your time worthwhile. do something that will make you forget about your problem. true enough, the problem won't go away, but at least you did something else, instead of dwelling on it."

1) Archive 2005 artsy fartsy photographs in my newly purchased photograph scrapbook from Papyrus. (***)

2) Archive ALL my photographs in photo albums. (***)

3) But, before I do (2), I must purchase CHEAP, yet, artsy photo albums to put my photographs in.

4) But, before I do (1), (2) and (3), I must print out all the photos I have in my laptop, because they're eating up a lot of space in my computer.

5) But, before I do (4), I must pick which photos I want to print out.

6) I have to start being "intimate" with my digital camera. I must know what else it can do. I must know and master all its functions. I must go beyond using the AV mode. I must start using the MANUAL and TV mode. I must start learning how to take artsy photos using the flash. (***)

6) Start taking pictures for 2006 photographs. They must have a theme. Must follow the motto "START SOMETHING PHOTOGRAPHIC". They must be PORTFOLIO worthy. (***)

The ones with (***) are the MUST ACCOMPLISH BY THE END OF THIS YEAR.

A Preview of early 2006 photos:


Meet my coffee cup, Grumpy. He has been dubbed as the "perfect coffee cup" by a Starbucks barista. I'm quite proud of him. Located at the back is my English packet and my pen/pencil case and a tiny part of my iPod, these three have been my best friends ever since school started. Don't know what I would do without them.

I will have more for you next week. I'm pretty swamp with school right now. Dante and differentials and two dimensions are grilling my brain.

Have a good weekend y'all!

Moving On.

Lola Loleng,

I am lucky to have met you. I am lucky that even for just a while, I got to know who you are. You're one of the coolest lola I've ever known. Now you've moved on to a better life. You are now with Lola Chita and Lola Tentay, your sisters. May you guys enjoy the feast that God prepared for you up there.

I'm gonna miss you Lola.

an interpretation, a survey, and a quote.

"Im captivated by someone's thoughtfulness and kindness to me, but I would'nt go as far as saying, I like him, as in, I want him to be my future significant other. So in real life, No."

- my friend, Sarah

YEAAHHH.... what she said.. I agree with her.

I guess my own interpretation of liking someone is that you like someone just because they have certain qualities that makes you like him or her (ok, fine I have no other words to describe it, so sue me), but of course, not to the point that you want to marry this person.

Wait.. that's how Sarah interpreted it, so I guess it's her interpretation, only I paraphrased it into my own words.

and because I'm killing time:

1. Honestly, where are you now?

I'm at a school library

2. Honestly, have you ever failed a subject in high school?

ahhh.. i don't think i did.. college yes.. hehehe..

3. Honestly, what’s on your mind?

A lot. too much stuff to mention

4. Honestly, what is it that you really should be doing right now?

Eat lunch and finish my Physics homework that's due on Monday.

5. Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today?

Yes, I did

6. Honestly, who are your best buddies in the world?

ahhh... there's a lot.. hehehe.. but i currently have 3 that are the best of the best..

7. Honestly, are you a good friend?

I think I am.... sometimes.. hehehe..

8. Honestly, do you think school is important?

DEFINITELY.

9. Honestly, what are your dreams mostly about?

Helping save people's lives.

10. Honestly, who/what makes you happy most of the time?

Music. Curly. Lounging around.

11. Honestly, what hobbies do you have?

Listening to music. Surfing. Photography.

12. Honestly, what song are you listening to?

I'm currently liking slow R and B songs lately. HMMM..

13. Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?

My two nieces.. and yeah, my sister.. and sure my brother too.

14. Honestly, do you have a deadly disease?

NO.

15. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?

nope.

16. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?

ummm.. my mogu pillow.

17. Honestly, are you bored?

no.. just felt like doing this..

18. Honestly, who do you want to slap right now?

no one..

19. Honestly, do you like someone right now?

I like a stranger who cares for my umm.. well being?

20. Honestly, are you single?

Yes.

21 Honestly, does anyone like you?

of course.. i hope so.. or else i'm in trouble..

and because English 211 is soooo interesting:

"don't dwell too much on your problems, if you do it will make you go crazy. do something for yourself. do something that will make your time worthwhile. do something that will make you forget about your problem. true enough, the problem won't go away, but at least you did something else, instead of dwelling on it."

English 211 is REALLY getting on my nerves

English 211
The Supernatural and the Magical in Medieval & Renaissance Literature

I registered for this class with the idea of me learning about Medieval and Renaissance Lit that has something to do with the supernatural world (and because supernatural facts sort of amuses me). But, as I am reading through the course packet that the instructor made us buy --- may I repeat, for $27 --- I was a bit irked by the first 5 stories that I've read in it. Their theme was mostly about LOVE. ICK.

Today, I just got finished reading the first quarter of "Yvain" by Chretien de Troyes (pronounced in a "French" manner) and to be frank, and also exaggerated, I was about to throw up as I was reading the last few bits of that reading.

"For a person in love is ill at ease and never able to sleep soundly, but all night long counts up and reckons the days as they come and go. Do you know how lovers behave? They keep account of the time and season."

Here's another one..

"Those who truly love don't steal hearts away, though they are called thieves by some who go about practising decit in love without knowing anything at all about it. The lover takes his beloved's heart in a way that is not thef: rather he guards it from being stolen from her by thieves in the guise of honest men. These are hypocritical thieves and traitors, competing in the theft of hearts to which they are indifferent; but the loveer, wherever he may go, treasures the heart and brings it back again"

and another...

"for there is no lover who is not imprisoned: she is right to call him a prisoner, since anyone who loves is truly in prison"

Oh good gosh. What is so supernatural about that? Magical it is, but what is supernatural about it?

IS this God's way of telling me not to be too cynical about ♥ issues? Is this His way of telling me that I should learn to open up to what the true meaning of Love is? Is this His way of telling me that Love is not all about pretentions and superficiality?

God, Is this your way? Is this class your way?

Hmm.. I think I'm gonna find out the answer to that question at the end of this quarter.

I'm officially a Chemistry Major now. By the time that I'm finished, I shall have a BS in Chemistry (ACS Certified) degree on my belt. Whoopee!!

My goal for the rest of my college career: I WILL GRADUATE WITH A DEGREE IN CHEMISTRY... and there is no way that I'm gonna let hardships and challenges screw that goal up. I have God on my side. What more can I ask for?

I'm just reflecting.

"To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you."

-- Tony Dorsett

"something to hold on to"

I'm going to school because I want to get an education that will help me help the people who are finding a cure for cancer. I "hold on to" the memory of my Mom's mom, my dad's sister and brother, my brother-in-law's nephew who died at a very early age, and to the others who are suffering and died because of the big C. I "hold on to" their memories because they are the ones that can help me succeed in my education.

"something to motivate you"

Babies, little kids, or to be more specific, MY TWO NIECES. I'm motivated to learn because of them. I don't see them as much but I hear stories of how inquisitive and how smart they are becoming. Their stories are the ones that motivate me to learn. Their stories are the ones that motivate me to learn not because I want a good grade, but to learn because I WANT TO LEARN.

"something to inspire you"

It is very rare for me to have a guy care about my studies. I had the opportunity to have one and that inspired me to study harder.

BAHH!!

I have a need to vent something out because if I don't I would probably go crazy this whole quarter. I want to start this quarter with a clean slate, with no extra baggages from the break hanging around.

----

I know I'm cynical. But I guess I'm like that because I've experienced way too much things that disappointed me.

I know that one of my Christmas wish is to be more of a positive thinker. But I can't help to be a pessimist when it comes to some matters in life.

I HATE EXPECTING.

Why is it that when you do take a risk, you feel like it is not being credited that much?

Why is it that when you don't take a risk, you feel that it is being credited that much?

----

I have this huge thing that I'm carrying that I don't know how to get rid of. Well, I guess I'm really lucky because the quarter is starting so I'm gonna be pretty busy and not think about that thing. I HOPE.

NAKAKAINIS!!!! GRRRRR... I wish I wish that I could vent out more stuff..

BAAAHHH!!! This is such a good way to start this year.

*** I started out 2006 by practicing to become an overanalyzer. Thank you very much. ***

PAK DIS S**T!!!!

update @ 11:19am :

i just realized how bad of a writer i am when i'm frustrated... wahahahahhaha... just read the stuff that i've written in this entry and you'll know what i mean.. hehehehe..

first day of school is today. had my first class at 9:30. an english class that focuses on medieval and renaissance literature. professor seems pretty nice and kind of funny. i bought her class packet today at the copy center. $27!!! good gosh.. i have not paid that much for a course packet.. it's more expensive than the book for that class... thank God i brought money with me today.

anyway, at this hour, i'm suppose to be going to my adviser's office to ask her to change my major from biochem to chemistry. but, the lazy bug hit me cause umm.. well the building's kinda far from where i am and ummm.. it's raining out.. and umm.. it's cold.. hehehe.. so i'll do it tomorrow (or maybe after my physics class).. I SHALL TRY TO BE MORE DILIGENT STARTING TOMORROW.. hahahahahha..

i have a 3 hr break in between classes today.. i have my physics class at 1:30.. hahahahaha.. niceee.. hehehe.. i have no lunch money anymore.. the packet ate it all... grrr.. ho hum..

so i told God about my frustrations this morning (i actually woke up right before my alarms went off). talking to Him made me feel much better. i ahhh.. confessed to Him everything that i'm trying to hold back... so right now.. i'm just ok. getting better at brushing things off (i think)... doing stuff that keeps me busy actually keeps me sane and less frustrated.

hmmmm.... ok.. imma go try to read my $27 course packet now..

BYE BYE 2005

YEAR-END SURVEY

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?

hahaha.. it's a secret.. for my own knowledge only.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really keep New Year's resolutions because I don't end up fulfilling them anyway. It's mostly goals that I keep.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

My brother's wife. I'm not really close to her because I don't know her, but I'm close to my brother.

Did anyone close to you die?

none that I know of.

What countries did you visit?

GAAHHH.. none.. we were suppose to visit Canada... buuuttt.. ho weelllll..

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

Independence.

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

dum dum dum... i have none... or i can't remember any.. damn you short term memory!!!

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting into a hard-to-get-in school.

What was your biggest failure?

failing to realize how different a university is from a college.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

injury... glasses falling all over me.

What was the best thing you bought?

my iBook.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

my sister. she's less irritating.. waitt.. no.. she still is.. pero mas mabait na sya sakin ngayon..wahahahaha...

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

hahahaha.. too much people to mention.

Where did most of your money go?

food

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

There were lots. Probably the most the I got excited about was getting into the UW.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2005?

Don't Cha by Pussycat Dolls
Blind by Lifehouse
You and Me by Lifehouse
Collide by Howie Day

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? -- I dunno.. I'm just different from last year.. that's all
ii. thinner or fatter? -- Thinner, I think
iii. richer or poorer? -- somewhere in between

What do you wish you'd done more?

socialize and studied harder

What do you wish you'd done less of?

slack off... waste my time doing nothing

How many one-night stands?

None.

What was your favorite TV program?

One Tree Hill, Related, Charmed

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

NADA.

What was the best book you read?

Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. It's actually the only book I read this year.. beside by textbooks that is.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Indie music baby!! Death Cab for Cutie!! The Pale!! Aqualung!!! and many many more..

What did you want and get?

chocolates =)

What was your favorite film of this year?

ahhhhhh... i dunno.. i forgot the movies that I watched.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to school. hahahaha.. I turned 19.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

nothing.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

more of a mix ... rocker chick/surfer chick/sloppy chick/bohemian.. there's a lot.. i don't really have a concept...

What kept you sane?

computer.. Curly..sleeping

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

no one.. i don't follow celebs that much na.

Who did you miss?

my uber sexy friends sa Pinas

Who was the best new person you met?

There's a lot.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:

1) There's nothing wrong with failing.
2) When you get rejected, pick up your ego and move on with your life.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:

That I'm smart. I've been hearing it from my parents and friends, but hearing it from a not so close person to me, is nice..

That I would've been admitted to that school if I didn't have the abilities to survive that school. (This was from a friend who just made me smile when I was feeling down on my first midterm grade in Biochem.)

the most touching experience you've had this year?

BLaaahhh.. ummmm.. i dunno..

What did you like most about yourself this year?

I guess.. when i'm honest to people...

What did you hate most about yourself this year?

my lack of happy disposition

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Say goodnight, and go" -- imogen heap

Was 2005 a good year for you?

Good year.. so many ups and downs.. but the ups outweighed the downs..

What was your favorite moment of the year?

Summer baby..

What was your least favorite moment of the year?

dramas.

Where were you when 2005 began?

Seattle.

Who were you with?

parents and curly

Where will you be when 2005 ends?

at my aunt's house

Who will you be with when 2005 ends?

family

Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?

nope.. more of like a goal: TO STUDY EFFICIENTLY AND PROACTIVELY

What was your favorite month of 2005?

June, July, August and September. and December of course.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?

Nope.. because i don't own people

Did you miss anybody in the past year?

Of course i did.

What was your favorite record from 2005?

Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business, Lifehouse - Lifehouse,

How many concerts did you see in 2005?

1 -- Gwen Stefani

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005?

NOPE

do a lot of drugs in 2005?

No...

you do anything you are ashamed of this year?

ahhh.. i dunno.. i think..

How much money did you spend in 2005?

no clue

What was your proudest moment of 2005?

getting into UW

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?

ahahahahhahaha.. sakin na lang yun!

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?

studied harder

What are your plans for 2006?

school, summer school, work, exchange program

How are you different now that the year has ended?

I'm not sweating the small stuff anymore,

What are your wishes for the new year?

Be closer to the ONE who created me

My 2005 Song (ARTE!)

Gravity Gets Things Done
The Pale

You are the girl with the smiles and gravity
and gravity gets things done
you're always up and you're always down
but you make it look so fun
And you want them to see
and you want them to know
but they never find the real you
you never once complained
but now twenty years are gone
and you're ready to explode
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
I am the one who can solve all your problems
a savior with only you to save
and that's why I'm here at least I tell myself that
the motivation becomes so blurred
And you want me to see
and you want me to know
but I never find the real you
you're buried just beneath the surface
and you're ready to explode
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
for you
You are the girl with the smiles and gravity
and gravity gets things done
you never once complained
but now twenty years are gone
and you're ready to explode

My Christmas THIS YEAR

1. i realized how much of a hero my aunt is because she raised 3 kids in a foreign country all by herself.



2. i realized the true meaning of giving because of what my sister gave to me this year.



3. i felt Christmas on Christmas day itself.


4. my sister made me wear her 3 inch heel boots because her foot was so sore from it. she had an accident (fell down the stairs) two weeks ago, so she can't really flaunt her stuff for a long period of time.

5. Christmas humbled me this year.

MORE PICTURES

A Rare Picture of Kuya Eric and Me

Me and my brother-in-law sleeping after eating and camera whoring..

=]

I just got finished watching Fantastic Four. It was a funny movie. HEHE. It actually has more comedic touch to it than action. OH! and let's not forget Julian McMahon and Chris Evans. TWO of the hottest guys that live in this planet.

So yesterday was the official start of my Christmas break. Slept till 1 pm. Got up at 3 pm. Vacuumed. Took my mom to work. Finally got something(s) for my aunt, who I got on our Christmas "bunutan" thing, thanks to my mom. Rented Fantastic Four. Went home and wrapped the something(s) up. Then, off I went again to pick up my mom.

What a day.

Tomorrow I shall go back to work. I'm working at Macy's right now as a seasonal helper. I'm part of the merchandise support team. It's a hard job for me considering I have to be on my feet for 7 hours. And being on my feet for that long drives my back and my legs nuts. Oh well. I'm just fulfilling one of my wants on my Christmas wishlist. HEHE. Plus it's something to do during the break. I really don't want to live like a bum for 2 weeks. I'll go nuts figuring out what to do BESIDES tinkering with my computer.

Anywho, I've been working on a meditating spell right now. One that can ward off "false" feelings. So, whenever you tend to feel "false" feelings, just tell yourself that the person you're having "false" feelings for is GAY. Tell yourself that a million times and THAT problem will surely go away. I SWEAR to YOU. It's that simple.. hehehehe..

My father will be arriving on Wednesday. My aunt and I will pick him up. DAMN. 3 parents in one house. GRRR. It's gonna be hard for me to stay out late now. HRMM. Minsan ko lang naman ginagawa e.. K lang. HEHEHE..

OK. I shall leave you with a picture thing of me and Curly. Did this during the week of Thanksgiving.

=( -- PART 2

It's so sad that one can't seem to conceal or guard his/her heart from the external elements that could hurt it.

False feelings. Presumptious feelings. "Crawly" feelings.

These elements are what I am talking about.

It's just so sad how we can fall for them and then suddenly one day it hits you that they're not true or that they're merely an act of pretentiousness done by your heart to you.

Why is it so hard to guard your heart from these elements? Because we seem to have the need to feel these feelings? Because we need to feel them in order to feel good about ourselves? Because we need them to assure ourselves that THAT person might actually like us?

Baket pa naimbento ang mga ganong klaseng feelings? I know that I've talked about this in this blog a million times now, but I guess ngayon lang ako napuruhan ng todohan tungkol sa ganyan.

During work today, I asked God if He could guard my heart against these elements. While I was asking him, I felt so sad because the only time that I go and talk to him is when I have problems.

I HATE THOSE FEELINGS! SALOT SILA SA BUHAY NG MGA TAO!


I just feel sad and bad right now. I need a place to vent out.

BAH HUMBUG!

CHRISTMAS!! COME NOW!! PLEASE!!! I beg.. because I'm slowly becoming a scrooge... just take a look at this:


words by: Natalie Imbruglia

=(

For five days, I've been trying so hard to focus my attention to Biochemistry.

There are a lot of things to study. A lot of memorization and understanding. There's a lot.

I'm having a hard time focusing. I don't know which topic I should target first.

I'm trying my best to be positive. I really don't want to think negative in times like this.

God please help me.

There IS beauty in BREAKING DOWN.

No matter how much you hold it in, it'll always find a way to come out of you.

What If..

Curly suddenly runs away from our house. Of course we would be hysterical and everything. We think of ways of how to get him back --- Flyers, police, talk to people.. the whole nine yards. We do them, of course.

Then one day, as I'm typing my philosophy essay in our living room, I see a guy, through the close blinds, coming up to our front door holding Curly through a leash. I jump up, run to the door and open it. I giddily pet Curly. I stand up, look at this guy's face to thank him. Then, I see how cute this guy was.

Man... if only that can happen.... I swear, right now I'm thinking of getting Curly lost in order for some cute guy to rescue him and give him back to us.

Of course, this is just me dreaming.

hayy.. if only.

i am afraid, afraid of the truth.

here's a comment i received in myspace from a friend:

[...] but yeah..lam mo ganyan tlga buhay...di natin maiiwasan and pagbabgo..sa tingin ko wlang buhay kung walang pagbabago..ksi sa pagbabago..marami tayong natutuklasan...natututunan...maaring maging hindi maganda ang mga kalalabasan ng mga pagbabagong ito..pero sa bandang huli ang mga di magagandang pangyayaring ito ang magiging sandigan natin para mas mapaunlad natin ang mga sarili natin...maaring meron tayong mga masaktan..at maaring meron din tayong mga taong mapasaya...pero sa kabila nga lahat...ang mundo at ang buhay ay punong puno ng mga pagbabago....minsan din akala natin batid na natin ang lahat....katulad ng pagkakakilala natin sa isang tao....di natin napapnsin na ang mga taong ito ay tlgang hindi natin kilala pero naiisip natin na kilala na natin sila...pero and totoo..kilala natin sila sa paraan na gusto natin silang makilala...nakakagulat di ba....nakakainis....basta isipin mo na lang na habang bilog ang mundo....patuloy pa ring iikot ito...di man natin mapagtanto ang mga pagbabago...atlis mahalin mo na lang ang sarili mo...!!!!

she just could not resist lecturing me in the public's eye. but i can't blame her, lahat ng sinabi nya totoo.

totoo ang kasabihan na ito: pisceans are good advisers, but they're BAD advice takers.

Thanks for everything. Have a Good Life.

i don't understand why we can't just tell the whole truth about who we really are, like it is as if we sugarcoat our "real" self to people because we are afraid of bad judgments and bad impressions that they will have on us.

i guess we can't really tell the whole truth about ourselves if we are trying to get to know who we are or if we don't really know who we really are. but in making friends or at least if we want to make friends, don't we owe it to the person that we want to be friends with to at least know some (honest) part of us that WE know of?

i don't like hypocrisy.

i don't really care for people who hide their true self from people that they call "friends".

i trashed something again, but it's ok, it wasn't really worth keeping it anyway because it wasn't really the "real" thing.

life has many ways of biting our asses. it is unfair and yes, we have to deal with that till the day that we die.

But even if it's unfair, I'm still thankful for it. I'm still thankful that I'm live in a world created by the one good Being that makes life fair in the end.

And on the thankful note....

I am thankful to God for always being there for me even if I don't acknowledge His presence that much

I am thankful for my family, especially for my mom, for being the kind of person she is and for being sacrificial to every whim and desire of her kids.

I am thankful for my friends, the true ones, the ones that truly cared, the ones that made me laugh, the ones that gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, the ones that made me feel that I'm gonna be alright, the ones that stuck with me through the bad times, the ones that i don't really talk to that much but i know that they're still there, and finally the ones that accepted me for who i am.

I am thankful for Curly, because he keeps me company when i'm going through bored times.

I am thankful for my computer, without it, I would be on the road to self-destruction because of the things that I would see on TV.

I am thankful for my clothes, without them I would be naked.

I am thankful for a warm bed, without it, I would be freezing my ass off.

I am thankful for my fondness of photography and music.

Finally, I'm thankful that I'm breathing right now.

This sh*t is BANANAS --- B-A-N-A-N-A-S

(1) Key Arena concert crowd. (2) Opening. (3) Gwen's opening with Harajuku Girls. (4) Gwen in her stripey outfit. (5) Gwen in her polky dotty outfit. (6) Gwen singing "Cool".

Gwen Stefani said F.U. during her concert last Monday at the Key Arena Center.
..... And to think there were a bunch of little kids who were watching her perform.

I took a lot of pictures, they're not really clear because we were really far from the stage. I also recorded videos of some parts of her show. Check out my Multiply to view them.

My sister bought me a concert shirt worth $40. Goodness. To think I could buy a pair of shoes with that price. Hmmm.. The things that we do for Gwenie. LOL.

---**---

My Flickr site is updated.


** all links open in a new window

The New One

OK, so maybe I could stop being a subtle a** towards my brother and start treating him the way I treat my two sisters. But then again, I might just be feeling this way because of this kid right here:


Meet my newborn nephew everybody, Juan Miguel Paulo, a.k.a., Miggy.

Love the name. So cute.

For once, me nagustuhan akong decision na ginawa ng kapatid ko.

My Dream Photo Assignments

(1) Band Profile

*band picture
*band performing

(2) Candid Profile Shot

*of anyone

(3) Basketball Game

*more action pictures

(4) More Architecture shots

(5) More photojournalistic shots

*for practice means.

---

I miss taking pictures. Man, digital SLR. If only. hmmm..

I'll update my Flickr site this week. I have lotsa pictures to put in it, mostly stuff I took during my newspaper shoots.

---

TOTALLY UNRELATED:

The Side A Album entitled "Acoustic Love Songs" is the perfect CD for those who are soothing a broken heart or those who are going through a break up. The best CD! I listened to it while I was going through mine.

a Meme and a Song and a Disheartened being

Copy and paste the questions to your site and answer them, then pick five people whom you wish to be singled out. Don't forget to tell them they have been singled out.

You get one wish of anything, what would you ask for?
- My wish right now is to be right about wanting to finish college with a degree in Biochemistry.

What animal would you be?
- a dog (they seem to have the good life.. eat-sleep-play-eat-sleep-play)

Something you want to do in your life:
- travel Europe

One time there were these Ninjas...(finish the statement.)
- that were talking about their fighting styles.

One song you could listen to over and over again
- hmmm... good question.. I actually don't know.. hehehe

Coke or Pepsi
- Coke

Something you currently desire:
- an outfit to wear on Christmas Eve (can I get any more shallow than this?)

What's a "mastoid"? (Take a guess no peeking in a Dictionary.)
- i dunno.

One good deed you've done lately:
- I chose to hang out with my family rather than go to a friend's party (not that I can go or anything)

A funny moment in your life:
- last night was one.. hahahahaha.. A funny and scary moment.. won't go into any further details..

-------

I love love this song. It kind of describes what I want to do with my life right now.

Fly Away
by: Nelly

Free City
This is a shout out to every young brother
Doing his bid right now
Keep your head up
he's walking the yard wishing he has wings
Ya know fly right out of that joint
Yeah, man

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Man it's the longest yard I ever had to get in my life
See my life ain't right and my right don't wright
My niggas can't eat if the fish don't bite
My razor grows hairs like Mike at night
My big brother all mighty, I keep my ray I'm a G five G
I take a G five deep to my G is deep
On Murphy and the G don't speak
Listen man we don't get down round hurr
The body bag, you found and gagged right hurr
It's as serious as the sound right hurr
The guards guard the ground, four pounds right hurr
They ain't playin, they just lettin ya know
That anything that will happen will happen real slow
That the word from upstairs till you in that hole
I can't take it, I'm just ready to go

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

I'm in my cell 20 hours a day
I'm doin push ups every hour a day
Cuz I'm tryin to keep the cowards away
That's why I'm markin off the calendar days
Tryin ta get it out of the way
And I'm just tryin ta keep a piece of mind
And I'll strike a muh Fucka with a piece of mine
Cus he tryin to take a piece of mine
So Ima slice his a ass one piece of the time
But not that they closed the door, lock me in
In a cell thirty deep, but it's built for ten
What kind of world they got you in, with a barb wire fence that box you in
From now till they turn off the lights, I'm a read every thing in sight
It's kind tryin of hard to read at night
But Ima change my life and help anotha brotha take this fight

If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

Oh no, I gotta make it out this place some how
Oh no, Man I really believe that I could turn it around
Oh no, You see all I need is that second chance to show
Since the incarceration my obligation to rehabilitation
Oh no, they can punch behind, they can kick me low
Oh no, Spit on me, It's gonna take more than that for them to break my sould
I said oh no, man it's for people to understand how it's like to be
Jaded, incarcerated, most can't take it
And I can't wait to see better days

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

If I could fly away
If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away
If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away

So maybe it's a song for men that are locked up. But if you analyze the words in a deeper sense, you could actually relate it to your life.

-----

Why did I let a small thing become a big thing?
Why did I have to lead myself down a dead end road?
Why do my head keep bring up stuff up? AND why does my heart keep eating those stuff out?

Maybe I'm masochistic. Maybe I'm just not sensing the bigger picture. Call me crazy but I think I have numbed myself from getting hurt. It's unhealthy I know. Men, my issues are killing my insides.

HAHA.

I have two midterms tomorrow and look at what I'm doing.

Besides blogging, I've been in and out of FRIENDSTER and MYSPACE.

crap.

BAAAHH!!!

----

got this idea from Peyton's Podcast:

Top Five Albums that I will bring on a deserted island:

1. No Doubt, The Singles - 1992-2003
2. Mix CD of my Top 18 Favorite Alternative Songs
3. Lifehouse Mix CD
4. Linkin Park Mix CD
5. Coldplay Mix CD

Why did I get hooked on Alternative/Independent music?

I was asking myself this question as I was walking from the bus stop to my house. I've been REALLY hooked on the genre since 2002? or 2001? I can't remember.

Anyway, I'm hooked because it's less irritating than the hiphop/rap, mainstream, and mush that I keep hearing over and over again on the radio.

I'm sleepppyyyy..

just because..

(1)

This week is another crazy academic week for me. I have 2 midterms going on on Friday and one paper that is due on Tuesday and to top all that I have Philo readings to read. Oh Joy!

I'm partially thankful that I didn't take any work study job because if I did my energy would just be shut down, as in way down.. probably beyond the "down" that I'm trying to say here.

I'm cramming on my paper right now. Yes, I blame myself for not prioritizing during this weekend. I had 3 days to do it and I chose today of the 3 days to do my first draft. Oh Joy. Well, to my defense, I got my outline down for it last Thursday. All I have to do now, and tomorrow, is form paragraphs and work on my diction. I just pray to God that He will provide wisdom to me despite my lack of responsibility.

(2)

I took some pictures yesterday of some late night restaurants that are near the U. I'm gonna post them on Flickr and maybe here once this week is over with.

(3)

I finally finished watching the Star Wars saga. Episode 6 is my favorite of all. Episode 1 takes second place. By the way, I WUV EWOKS! Because they're so cute and so furry and yeah.. I'm gonna shut up now.

(4)

Lastly, I was informed this weekend that Pisceans are born to love and train animals. INTERESTING.

despite the best efforts of preventing myself to breakdown..

Well, I still did, all because of one measly QUIZ.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
*Booker T. Washington*

Booker's right.

Family and friends are right.

So maybe I should stop belittling myself and start believing in the possible.

If I don't broadcast, I might flip inside out.

(1) I got a 55/125 on my first midterm in Biochemistry.

My professors sent out an email to me that reads, "we are concern about your performance in the first midterm for you have receive less than 50% of the total score and base on our previous experience, students who receive a grade less than 50% will most likely fail the entire course," obviously I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the gist of it.

(2) I got a 36/60 on my first Philosophy essay.

Writing Philosophy essays is hard. Just ask me, I'm currently experiencing it. I sorta made this rule for writing, think of it as one of the rules in Liane's world: if you can't write philosophically, then you can't write at all or you can't call yourself a writer at all.

I know that I'm not suppose to drawn myself in sorrow and self-pity and doubt. I mean they're only FIRSTS right?

Right now, I'm sorta preventing myself from breaking down. It is for me to say that because to me breaking down will not lead me anywhere but a black hole that contains sorrow, pity and doubt.

The email that was sent by my professors really put a dent on my heart. Somehow I felt like it was written in a condescending manner. But I know that the email was sent by good intentions, it did contain suggestions on how to do good on future exams.

I remember that I wrote something about wanting to have good grades in all my classes at the U. Somehow now I feel like I'm not gonna be able to fulfill that desire. But whatever.. who knows.. I told myself that I will make it up in my 2nd midterm and my 2nd paper.

I don't want to drown myself in doubt. I don't want to tell myself that I don't deserve to be in this school if I'm getting this kind of grades.

I've been told that Biochemistry was quite challenging. It was drilled in my brains a thousand times that writing philosophically is harder than writing a research paper.

I don't want to go through the drama of me not having ok grades in all my major classes. I do not want to go through doubting my choice of major again. I know that I've come so far and worked hard enough to get myself into this major and for me to just throw it all out because of some condescending email is just pure crappa.

As for my Philo class, well, it's interesting and confusing. I took the class because I wanted to learn something about Philosophy. Like I said before, in my previous posts, I did not have any single clue what Philosophy was really about before I entered that class. Now, I'm just full of "confused" questions and a somewhat "one-sided" mind.



sides: I just had to let all that out, you see I'd rather broadcast this to the whole world than to just talk to people. I'm kinda tired of talking. I'd rather write all the frustrations out.

friendly and familiar faces back home and a whole lot of random stuff.

i miss them sooooooooo...

damn you guys for being in sembreak!!! LOL... joke lang.. ihihi...

anyway, i miss them.

I've been trying to call one of them, but she's not answering her phone (well, it's either that, or her cellphone is trying to be primitive again). BAHHH!!

Sana binabasa nyo 'to 'no?? But knowing you guys well, you don't have much time and patience to read this.

anyway, despite the fact that you guys are not reading this. i'll still write messages....

Lin-Lin -- PARE!! yang cellphone mo itapon mo na!!! langya naman, ilang beses na kitang tinatawagan at ilang beses na rin akong niloloko nang cellphone mo na yan.. dude, when was the last time I talked to you???? I think it was your birthday.. tagal na rin men.. a month and a half..

Lenn -- as if i don't call you every other week.. sooo, i don't miss you that much.. hahahahaha.. joke.. miss kita sobra, kasi ang kulit mo!! hahahahaha.. dude, pare, kelangan natin ulit gawin yung inuman with gin?? remember that time when we're at nyo's place?? hahaha.. nung binilhan tayo nila Ron ng gin? tapos hindi natin naubos? tapos pinagalitan tau kasi di natin naubos?? hahahaha..

Joy -- hahahaha.. I saw you go online sa YM last night, but I went offline naman.. hehehe..

Heidi -- pagawa mo na yang house phone nyo!

Nat-- go on a break!! magpapetition ka sa school mo!! 1 month break from all the things they're putting you through.. i miss our bonding times on the phone.. kahit na alam ko na never kitang tinawagan kapag andito ko sa seattle........ and me miss our serious talks with some serious banterings about how dramatic each can get.. hahaha.. gets mo ba yun?? men, take a break!! and I promise I'll call you!! hahahaha..

Who else am i missing? dami!! hahahahaha.. yung isa siguro tatawagan ko sa araw na feel ko.. hahaha.. nakakatamad naman makipagusap sa tao kapag hindi mo alam kung anong ikukuento mo e....

Sayang, di ako makakauwi next year.. GRRR.. leche kasi e.. pero ok lang.. siguro Christmas next year uuwi ako!! WIIIHHH!!! I want too!! AYY!! that's an idea... ma-ipropose nga sa nanay ko.. HMMM... Salit kami ng tatay ko, ako sa Pilipins, tapos sya dito.. hahahaha.. mapagipunan nga.. para half bayaran ko, half bayaran nila.. hahahahaha.. kukuha na ko ng mas magandang trabaho next year.. para me pera for that!! o diba?? ang ganda ng plan ko??!!! excited na ko.. hahahaha.. Christmas with KIDS!! WIHHH!!! WAIIIITTT.... I just realized that Christmas is a peak season over there.. MEEENNN... haaa.. maybe I'll save a quarter of the ticket money.. who knows?? ipropose ko lang naman e.. hahahaha... basta... bala na si God.. Sana payag si momsy.. I will work hard sa studies, para pumayag.. hahahaha.. para incentive na lang yun.. wihhh!! Christmas next year in da Pilipins!!!

----

Hmmm.. I just realized that I posted something everyday this week (except for yesterday). HAHAHA.. I made up for the past week of no posting.. hahahaha..

----

By the way, regarding the last wish of the previous post, I really want to be that. Seriously. I mean, if I can do artsy shots, why can't I do photojournalistic shots?? Hmmm.. the past shots I made for the paper, wasn't all that. Napangitan ako, especially the last one.. I guess I could say that I'm practicing, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself.. hayy.. I have two weeks to collect assignments.. hahahahahaha.. Sana maraming ibigay.. hmmm... practice na 'to.. By the way, I should be able to stop being intimidated by the pro amateurs/pro in the staff.. la lang.. parang nakakababa lang kasi makiwork sa kanila, kasi ang gagaling ng mga shots nila.. haayy.. pero nakakatuwa kasi hindi sila yung tipong nagrerelease ng intimidating aura (I'm the only one that's actually feeling intimidated by them.. they're actually not releasing anything to me.. basta!! gets nyo na yun!! ehehhe.. ), kasi tinutulungan nila ako, tinuturuan nila ako.. tapos la lang.. parang they don't really put a lot of "pressure" on me since alam nila na bago ako.. basta ok sila!! hehehe.. sana hindi na ako mahiyang makisama sa kanila.. hehehe.. for those of you who know me well, I'm not really good at being social with people.. it's either they come up to me, or I don't talk to them at all.. hahaha.. yes.. I'm that much of a snob.. which is why I don't have a lot of friends.. hehehe..

By the way, my digital camera sucks at taking photoj pictures.. IT SUCKS!! Just look at the link of the last picture I took.. grrr... well.. actually... either the camera just sucks at taking photoj pictures or I didn't set the settings right. DAMN IT!! I need practice!!! I really wanna be good.. I wanna have a niche with photoj pictures too!! haayy.. pano kaya kung wala akong talent in taking photoj 'no?? grrr... oh well.. at least I will know that photoj is not my area of expertise.. makikita ko within this quarter.. I'm aiming for getting a picture in the front page of the paper.. hahahaha.. mangyari kaya?? HMMMM.. I shall wait and see..

----

A conversation I had with my sister two weeks ago (I think):

sister: so Liane, I have a question for you, what are you gonna do after you're done with college?

me: I HAVE NO IDEA. (I'm saying this to her with a big smile on my face.)

----

I just had coffee, hence the very long and random post.

Narealize ko nga lang pala this morning na maganda pala ang MORNINGS. hehehe.. 'la lang.. kasi while I was walking down the University Way, on the way to campus, na-feel ko lang na ang ganda ng MORNINGS.. hehehe.. 'la lang.. feel ko lang na at that moment while I was walking, I started to appreciate MORNINGS.. hehehe.. sayang sana dinala ko yung camera ko para napicturan ko yun.. HMP!!

Sige yun lang.. magrereview na ko para sa Philosophy.. I have a 4 pt quiz mamayang 11:30.. hahahaha.. oo nga pala, I don't like this philosopher because he's writings are confusing when I read them. His name is David Hume and according to my Philo TA, he's one of the most influential philosopher in the history of philosophy. I wonder what exactly made him influential when his writings are really hard to grasp. I guess people back in the days had more patience in understanding a Scottish man.

all i want for the holidays ....

So what if Christmas is 2 more months away? I'll post this list again when December arrives, but until then, force yourself to read it now. I got this from Marla.

STEP ONE

Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your blog. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. the wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("i'd love a ______ icon that's just for me") to medium ("i wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("all I want for christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV."). the important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.

STEP TWO

Surf around your friends list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- do it.

You need not spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

..... i wish for .....

1. for F-R-I-E-N-D-S .... to get together without any bullshit, hypocritical, and contradicting attitudes roaming around.

2. for myself .... to get over some sibling issues.

3. for myself .... to own a digital SLR camera.

4. for myself .... to have a quarter to study abroad.

5. for myself .... to own a wool trench coat and cheap but sturdy pointy kitten heels (or one inch heels) pumps

6. for myself .... to own the Howie Day CD

7. for that person .... to get what they want.

8. for myself .... to have a date with anyone who's down to eat anything and everything in one day.

9. for myself .... to own a Tiger OS.

10. for myself .... to be a damn good photojournalist by the end of this year.

Or so She says...

"Binigyan ka pa ng isang anak ng Diyos para me kasama ka pag wala na ang mga nauna mong anak"

-- what my grandmother told my mom when my mom was wondering why I was given to her.

Mothers can be and maybe always will be an annoyance to us. But we can't blame them for being that way. It is imbedded in every mothers in this world to be annoying.

Mothers are protective. You can't blame them for having that kind of attribute because they were assigned by God to protect us. Plus, she didn't spend 9 months of her life carrying you in her stomach and just waste that 9 months out by just letting you be in this big, bad world without any sense of defiance for yourself.

Mothers are good advisers, in fact, they're the best advisers in the world. We all know the saying "mom knows best", it's cliche, I know, but it holds true up until today.

Some people are not lucky enough to have met their mother because it was either their mom (a) died while giving birth to them, (b) they're mother left them at a young age, or (c) they're mother is abusive and just wasn't the type that would get to know her kid. Yet some people are lucky enough to have a mother that was there during the "firsts", the "lasts", the heartaches, the happiness, the sadness and so forth.

I'm lucky to have my mother with me today. And no matter how annoying and nagger-ish she gets, I'm still glad that I have her. Kung wala sya, baka siguro naging pariwara ako.

Love your moms. Love all their qualities. Kasi sila minamahal nila ang kanilang mga anak, inspite of the bad qualities that they see in their kids. Kaya dapat ganon rin tayo sa kanila.

"Good things come to those who wait patiently."

lahat na ginagawang maganda at nakakaantig sa puso, ginusto na.

lahat ng ginagawang panget pinalalampas pagkatapos ng ilang araw na pagdadamdam.

kahit na alam na walang kahulugan ang mga sinasabi, binibigyan pa rin ng kahulugan.

hanggang kelan ba magtatagal yun?

hanggang kelan ba magtitiis?

sabi ng iba, tanga raw ang magtiis sa wala.

sabi naman ng iba, pag nagtiis me mahihita sa huli.

ang hirap hindi isipin ang hindi dapat isipin.

ang hirap isipin ang dapat isipin.

ganda talga ng buhay.

----

Back from hell week, I am. I had to deal with 3 midterms and 1 paper. But it is officially over today. One hell week down, 2-3(?) more to go.

I don't have much to tell. So I bid you goodbye.

Up Mountains, Up Walls, Up High

He who climbs upon the highest mountains laughs at all tragedies, real or imaginary.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra

Since my tuition is paying for the Intramural Activities Building, I should probably start going there and make some use out of it. The building has an indoor climbing center that is perfect for satisfying my interest of wanting to climb a wall again.

I've always been wanting to climb walls again ever since I tried it two years ago. I had a chance once when me and my friends were strolling around the Seattle Center arcade area where there is a single wall that entices people to satisfy their whims to be Spider Man. I didn't climb then because I didn't have the right footwear for it and it didn't really look safe to me. The first time I climbed it felt safe because (1) I had my sister, Lee, as my belay-er (the one that holds the strings attached to me while I climb) and (2) the place where I first climbed at had cushioned mats, the Seattle Center one didn't have either of those.

Now I have a perfect chance to climb again. I don't know when I'll do it. I would probably want someone to go with me there and be my belay-er. But yeah, I just want to climb walls again. It's fun and exciting and scary at the same time. It actually helps ease my fear of heights.

And as for the quote that I pasted above, I know that climbing walls is totally different from climbing mountains. But I'm sure it feels rather the same. I want to climb walls again because I want to laugh my way through problems again. If I climb and reach the top, I can sense that I will feel that I'm leaving my problems down the bottom where they belong.

"For any one to love a man, he must be hidden, for as soon as he shows his face, love is gone."
- The Brothers Karamozov, Fyodor Dostoevsky

I just experienced my first "out-of-borough" lifestyle, today. It's not bad actually, it feels rather good. It feels good to accomplish something without any distractions whatsoever. Not that I'm saying that my "borough" stuff, i.e. my friends, were a distraction (I MISS YOU GUYS, really seriously... UVILLAGE people!! Blue C Sushi!! Who's with me? :D But not now.. hehehe.. I know we're all busy), but it's nice to be able to prioritize again .... well, sort of. I think I'm on the road of accomplishing my goal of making my studies my ultimate #1 priority. I actually blew a photog assignment today because I was behind with my readings for Philo and Biochem. But the reason that I got behind was that I had to shoot an event yesterday, so all is well. I think I pretty much got that down. I hope.

@ 10/08

10/08

@ The weather cooperates with me today. It knows what I'm currently feeling. I'm in Starbucks right now, trying to burn my brain cells out and currently regretting not bringing my camera with me so I could shoot how great this day was for me.

@ Doctors are the third cause of premature deaths: As stated by a stranger to me while I was studying Philosophy.

@ My friend was right, I was not the disturbingly dramatic girl that I am now before. I don't know what caused me to change into this way. I'm taking another friend's advice, take a shot of C2H5OH and whatever it is that's making you dramatic will surely be way out of your head the next day.

@ My job may not give me much in the financial means of things, but it will surely make me happy to see my photo printed out every week in that paper.

@ Being f*cked up means being inspired to do some good work, whether it be in the arts or in sciences.

For the sake of updating you about my (fill in) life.

While I was walking in the Health Sciences Library at the U, I saw a doctor listening to an iPod while walking. Seeing that made me smile because it made me realize that going into medicine does not mean giving up your other niches (i.e., in my case, music and photography).

I am starting to feel the college stress again. I'm currently struggling with some of my Biochem class' concepts, which is sad because the concepts that I'm struggling with are concepts that I took up when I was in General Chem. People, I'm one of the living proofs that if you don't study a "step" in a sequence very well, you will most likely to not do good in the next "step".

Another stress is my Philosophy class. I never thought how annoying overanalyzing is until I started that class. Reading the textbook is a pain in the butt because most of the essays are 16 pages long and are written by major overanalyzers. And if you know me very well, you know that I don't like reading that much, especially forced reading. Anyway, I'll stop complaining, the professor makes up for the long readings during class anyway. She explains the readings in layman's term and she makes the class fun by being frank and to the point.

So far my life as a transfer is ok. I'm just not use to walking a lot. Yesterday, I attended FASA's meeting that was on the other side of the campus from where I am. Oh the joys of walking back and forth.

Ok, class time.

Iskul.

School is good. School is great.

1) I love love my classes.

- Economics - I now know what the word ECONOMY means. I always had the impression that the word economy pertains to financial stuff. Well, in this class, I learned that it's not. Fascinating. Me want to learn more.

- Intro to Philosophy - Ahhhh.. this is my writing class, the one that will fulfill the writing requirement of my major. If this is this, then that is that. But if this is that, then that is this.

- Biochemistry - The chemistry of biology will be revealed in this class. So far, I'm loving it. Although the pH talks and the buffer talks are kinda throwing me off a bit.

I just got the rest of my books last Friday. Thank GOD! I was starting to panic because I haven't done any reading for my Philosophy class (One of the university's gazillion libraries had my Econ book on reserve, so I had no problem with that.), and my section started to discuss what the Apology of Plato is and how was Philosophy described by our professor (who by the way is the one who wrote the textbook that we are using for that class.) last Friday. But all is well now because my books are here.

2) I got a "job" at the university's newspaper, The Daily. It's a photographer position.

3) I got lost X times in that campus. I swear. LOL. It's a pretty big campus. And I think this is one of the rare times that I wish that I know how to use a bike.

4) BYE for now.

:D