She wants to move

It's funny how I always feel helpless whenever I feel like I'm not doing a good job in keeping up with the pressures of school. It's funny that I always feel not good enough for this university whenever I feel like I'm going to fail. It's funny that I always feel like I want to give up whenever I can't seem to focus on studying. It's funny how I can't seem to find the right inspiration that will help me to not screw up.

I've enumerated a number of inspirations before --- my nieces and nephew, my relatives who died of cancer, that one person, my parents. But I can't seem to internalize the way that they can inspire me.

It's funny how I find it hard to study in college, when in high school I studied like a mad scientist. How is the studying of a high school student different from college? Is it because in high school, everything was spoon-fed to you, while in college somehow everything was spoon fed to you and it's just up to you to do the rest of the spoon-feeding?

Anyway, my birthday's coming up. HEHE. It's funny because before I don't seem so excited about it, now, it's all I can think about. Probably because I'm entering the 20s. hahaha.. what's so significant about that right? hehehe.. But I guess what's different now, is that I am excited about it, but I don't feel like celebrating it. Before, my family use to go out to celebrate birthdays, now I don't really feel like doing that. I just want to stay home, cook for it, eat and go on with the rest of my duties. I guess now, what's more important to me is celebrating it at home with the family with a bunch of food that we either cooked or bought at the store. Plus, it's less expensive that way. Restaurants are expensive, cooking food at home, not expensive.