everything i need.

There is more to life than material things.

There is more to life than a job that pays you six figures.

There is more to life than worrying about the smallest things.

I read in a magazine about a husband telling his wife not to worry if the car was not starting. He said, "No one is dying or having a heart attack, don't sweat it, we'll fix it". A man who knows his way with words. A man who lives up to the words "don't sweat the small stuff".

Material things are just that. Material. they cannot be immaterial because if they're mass produced, they're basically something that you can buy again if you lose it. I don't know why we very much thrive in a world where materialism seems to be a form of religion already. I admit, most of the time I tend to gravitate towards being materialistic but thankfully I can control myself, by saying to myself that it should not be like that. I should be happy with what I have.

Do I have everything? No. But I have a family that truly cares for my well being. I have great friends who are there for me in times of need no matter where they are and what they are doing. I have an education that has taught me quite a lot over the past years. I have a job that has taught me how to put myself out into the world. I will soon start a job that will help me save the world.

I don't have everything. But I sure have everything that will make me happy.

for the lack of a better motivation

There is a 50-50 chance that this might be read by one of my family members, but I don't care. I need to vent this out and I need it NOW.

I can't seem to motivate myself in studying for the MCAT. I try my best to study, but all that gets in my head are just the words that I read. Not the MEANING of the words that I read.

I opted out on self-studying for this test because for one, I cannot afford to pay for classes. Plus, those classes bore the heck out of me, hence, me wanting to only self study. I have the materials in my hand. All I need is to purchase the practice tests. So what's up with the lack of motivation?? This summer is actually the best time to study for this test, but nooooo.. FUCK.

I'm so frustrated right now I can't even form words that will make my frustrations go away.

Career/Job

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

I don't know how true this meme can be. But anyway despite the many career quizzes that I will be taking I am for sure that I will be working with people who are in need of help. No matter what kind of help.

(1) Retail Sales Associate

- This job requires you to help people who are in desperate need to find something that they either WANT or NEED. This job requires you to have the ability to persuade and at the same time become compassionate and accomodating to the needs of the customers.

(2) Social Worker

- This job needs a higher level characteristic and/or capability to be able to withstand any cases that come their way. It's a highly stressful job because you deal with different types of people on a daily basis. You deal with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abused, the neglected, and the homeless to name a few. It requires a high amount of empathy and sympathy. It requires a high dose of helping hand.

(3) Army/Navy/Marines

- (1) Fighting wars (2) Protecting the country they serve (3) Helping other people get out of a danger zone (3) Making an evil place heaven. Yeah they pretty much would risk their lives to save the ones that they love and the ones who they don't even know.

There are more jobs out there that have the description of HELPING OTHERS under their pocket. I just named these three because they were the ones that stood out to me the most.

I seriously can't see myself working in any other jobs. Business jobs sucks, Research is cool, but it ain't for my learning/emotional capabilities, Fashion is fun but it gets old sometimes, photography is sweet, but it's too expensive for my taste.

I'm rambling. I have a sample sale to go to tomorrow so I should sleep.

Oh mi gosh. Seattle is having sample sales.

Part 2: Questions

I made myself happy today. I made a goal. YAHOO!

More on the QUESTIONS.

A 34 year-old man presents with AIDS and tells you, as his physician, that he does not want to tell his wife. What would you do?

First of all, I will respect the man's wishes, however, I would caution him about the dangers of not telling his wife about his condition such as the following: First of, he should tell his wife because he can also transmit the virus to her if they were having sexual intercourse. If this happens, and the wife knows nothing about his condition, then it would make her furious and betrayed at the same time. If the man still does not change his mind about it, then I will just let his conscience do the undertaking for him as well as for his wife because like i said from the beginning it is his wishes and for me doctors always must respect patient's wishes, but also at the same time be rational about hwo they would respect the patient's wishes.

If you had three magical wishes, what would they be?

(1) I wish that someone will give me enough money to go to any medical school that will accept me.

(2) I wish to become a person who will respect, honor and treat other people with empathy and sympathy.

(3) I wish to pass on the knowledge that I gained through the years that I was living to the next generation after mine.

Part 1: Questions

I am going to start posting a series of questions that I will be answering in the span of two months or so. I got these questions from a book that I am "trying" to read right now. I will be trying to compile these questions after I have answered them all and try to analyze my answers to each one of them to see how logical and truthful I have explained them.

Let's start with these questions:

Should doctors be allowed to "pull the plug" on terminally ill patients?

Unless the family tells them to do it, I don't think that they should. Terminally ill patients are still people, people who MAY still have a chance to live a life despite of being terminally ill. It may be medically impossible to happen but one should just trust in faith and just let it flow through the veins of the patient as well as through the doctor's vein. And if faith lets you down, let it be that the person die of natural death, not because of plug pulled to end his life. I believe that everyone should die in honor and peace, not because of an easy way out from an authority who knows better.

Would you consider a career in your present course of studies?

I would definitely consider a career in Chemistry. However, I wouldn't really pursue it to the point that I would go to graduate school, earn a PhD and write a letter requesting a grant for the research project that I want to undertake. Honestly, I don't see myself working beyond a mere laboratory technologist or research technologist in the Chemistry field. I have thought about this for a long time, imagined myself being one, but it just didn't seem to feel right for me. My feelings have only been compounded when I started to work for Chemistry-based labs and through my observations of what the research techs and scientists do in these labs, which are highly repetitive and far less interesting than medicine, fashion, or even photography. But don't get me wrong, I respect the scientists that are currently working to make this field a better and more interesting than it was. These scientists have worked their brains and their body for Chemistry to serve a better purpose.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

This is quite the tough question to ask. I think, the quality that I would definitely most likely want to change right now is me being TOO SENSITIVE. By me being such, I tend to overreact, take control, blame others around me, take pity upon myself and the list goes on.. when such quality overpowers me. I know that if it does affects me so much that I might consider changing it. I've been trying, I've been trying ever since it was pointed out to me by loved ones. I don't know how much I should be trying but hey, at least I'm trying. I don't know. Maybe I should, because being too overly sensitive can cause me a lot of trouble ESPECIALLY if I am planning on taking a career in the medical field. I think I should learn how to build a tough yet soft skin around me, in order for me to be alright.

What I'm thinking right now.

I have been working at this job in a field that is quite different from where I'm suppose to stand right now. The big thing I like about it is that I get the chance to hone my conversation skills with complete strangers. I am doing this for four months. I can extend it if I would like, but then again it's a different job than labs who understand my school load.

I have been having problems with myself lately. Hormonal imbalance of the month, I presume. Anyway, I just wish that I can sincerely and truthfully think of myself as someone who CAN do it. I am just not cut out for all those negative stuff. As one of my old, but still friend said, "don't be pessimistic, be optimistic". I know it sounds quite reductive, but it does work. When she said it, she said it in a tone of voice that will make you think about it all the time, I mean how else can I remember those words after 4 (or is it 5? 6? 7?) years of talking about it.

To address the question that has been asked of me by two people now, "Why have I not been posting new photos?".

Frankly, I'm lazy. I have lost the edge and the drive to take new pictures. I don't know why but I have. Probably its the camera that I have been using. Probably its because my computer's hard drive broke down on me that's why I'm scared to put new pictures in it. Probably because the last time I did some photo works, I didn't quite get the praise that I would've like to had.

Whatever.

Maybe it will come back, maybe it won't. Right now, I am passion less. Well, not really. I've been eyeing lots of new shoes lately so umm.. yeah, you could imagine how my pocket will burn after I get my hands on those shoes.

Then again, maybe not. I'm suppose to SAVE UP.

I am currently studying for my second midterm in Human Sexuality that will occur in a bout 2 hours time. It covers pregnancy to embryonic development to sexual orientation. I got pretty much interested in the pregnancy and embryonic part. Hopefully, I do good in this exam. Actually scratch that, I know I will do good, you know why? because I started out this day great. The Pchem substitute professor was an awesome teacher, I understood every part of his lectures this whole week (with missing some points, to which I can always read up on the book) and that made me feel good, to actually understand what is going on.

I know I'll do good, I am my own lucky charm.

2 and 3/4 quarters to go.

woes and woos

So i asked a stupid question about Mother's Day dinner or whatever to my aunt yesterday, which made my world kind of whirling around right now.

yeah i didn't mean it that way, i know that it was suppose to be Mother's Day, i just thought that she would since she always cooks something for dinner even if it was a potluck dinner.


whatever.

Grey's 2-hour and Spidey's 2hr20min

Grey's

They're doing this "spin-off" on Addison's character and they started to introduce it through the two hour episode that they had last Thursday. Quite interesting and funny to see all those co-op doctors work and act. Also, I loved the fact that she was reuniting with her med school best friends. It makes for an interesting statement for me, because I want to reunite with my high school friends. Hayyy..

Also, the Shepherd and Mark moment was priceless. They're enemies and friends at the same time.

And seriously, the George and Izzie thing is pissing me off. Somehow it's like this past thing that I happened to me. I don't want them together, I like Izzie and Alex together.

Spider Man 3

(SPOILER ALERT)

"I'll die for my friends" - Harry

Yeah, he actually did. At a pivotal moment of this movie. Touching scene.

"Revenge is like a poison" - Aunt Mae

Yeah, VENOM covering Spider Man all up and a BELL helped him take it of.

"People always need some help, Peter, even Spider Man" - Mary Jane

"Harry, I need your help" - Peter Parker

You guys should seriously watch it. Best Spider Man movie among the trilogy.

Also, I watched the Fantastic Four trailer. Funny and action-filled. LOL.

so does becoming "too available" beats the S out of you?

i was in a semi-annoyed mood yesterday for reasons that I don't even know if they were fair or not. i sometimes find myself in awe on how i can retain myself from being the "lashing out, irrational" person that i can get when i'm almost at the edge of being mad.

i find it very comforting that there are some people who care enough to tell you that you should not just lash out without even thinking about the reason you're lashing out. sometimes, i find it hard to do such. i speak with emotions rather than thoughts, which gets me into trouble most of the time.

i'm a highly sensitive person. i used to think that i wasn't, but until recently, i became overly sensitive.

maybe it's because of my lifestyle these days.

---

this quarter is my first quarter of my last year in college.

scary and exciting at the same time

Till we see you again....

"Kaya ikaw, lubusin mo yung oras mo sa mga parents mo, dahil pag wala na sila, duon mo marealize na kulang na kulang ka sa oras, duon ka magsisisi."

(take advantage of the time that you have with your parents now, because once they are gone you can't bring back those times and you'll find out how little time that you have with them)

This is what my friend told me after I talked to him.

Deaths have been happening lately. I can't imagine how much grief and sorrow one must feel to experience a loss of someone that is deeply close to them.

For the people who have lost their loved ones, I am deeply sorry.

And for the ones that have passed, I'll see you when I get there.

Spring Break

So I'm hoping to end my spring break with this kind of sobriety shown in this picture. I'm hoping to start spring quarter with full energy and enthusiasm.

This picture was taken by Gene during our 1 year ani at the Royal Argosy Cruise (highly recommended for all the Seattle peeps out there, try their Crab Bisque entree.. reaalllyyy gooodd). I like this picture. When I first saw it I asked him, "is that me?", and when he said yes. I was astonished. I luuuvvv this picture! and also the person who took it.

I'm ending my work study this June. I'm planning to look for a job at the hospital. I already got my Phlebotomy certificate, so it's on to looking for actual jobs. I am looking towards applying at Children's Hospital, since I'm planning to work with kids in my future. Recently, I've been checking the job board in their website, but it only shows one opening during the nights. Anyway, I'll keep checking.

"Kamikaze"

My first drink as a legal person in this country. It tasted like lime juice or lemon juice.

So.. turning 21? Yes, I'm a certified adult now. More responsibilities though and more things to think about in life. I'm almost graduating so it's time for me to actually get on with my med school admissions stuff. I'm starting to study for the MCAT, piece by piece that is. OHHH... and I have to finish our citizenship papers. Sooo much stuff.. to do..

I wish the euphoria (sans the puking) I had during the day I had this shot taken didn't wore off. I wish that that night with less responsibilities did not end. But it had to. I woke up the next day and I knew I had more to do.

I really don't know if I'm still qualified to say, "Heck, I'm still young, I can take my time". At 21, I really don't know if I should start taking life seriously or just go with the flow like I did when you were 20, or 19 or 18 and so forth.

Anyway.. I have too much time on my hands today.

Heeyyy.. this is the first post in a long time with a photos.

Awesome.

Finals I

I have this theory that when you wait until the day before a paper is due you can' t possibly get the best score (or at least an average score) on it, unless of course you're a really good writer and you already know what you're gonna write already. But I didn't know what to write about and I proved this theory with the 2nd paper I did for my Rome class. 2.4 baby. Yes, that's how much I crammed to do that paper. Quite sad.

Last class for my Blood Draw course tomorrow. I am pinning to get a 39/40 in the test tomorrow cause as it turns out (thanks to my lovely bf who reminded me about it), I have to get at least a 90 out of a 100 to get a 3.0 in that class. I already lost 8 points from the previous 3 quizzes that we had. Fun.

Anyway, I should be studying instead of blogging.

See you in a week.

Bente-Uno

9:47pm

I received a wonderful gift today. The hospital assistant in the surgery department that I volunteer at toured me around the operating rooms in the hospital, both the pavilion and the main one. It was a great experience, getting a first hand look at a real operating room. I also got a chance to sneak a peek on a surgery actually being done to someone. It was great. I can't really describe the feeling that I had when I was there. Basta. It was a great gift I could received and to think I received it on my 21st.

In my head, now more than ever, I have a good feeling. I am going to med school.

NO MATTER WHAT.

I AM AMAZED.

12:37pm

I need to get a camera phone.

It's my birthday!!

uhhh..

What else should i say??

IT'S MY BIRTHDAAYY!!

Why can't President's day be 48 hrs?

3 day weekend GONEE.. BAAHH!!

OK. Back to school again later today.. waaahh.. i want spring break..

i'm also sad right now because i didn't get the lab class that i want. effin graduating seniors (and to think, I will be them in a couple of months..)..

anddd.. my birthday is in 2 days.

OK. I have to turn on my school mode again.

BAAHH!!!

21st happens only once in a lifetime

I'm almost 21 and umm.. for the sake of having a wishlist.. here's one.. i haven't done this before so.. bear with me.. hehehehehe..

Materials:

(1) Gift certificate from For Love of 21 - The accessories store of Forever 21

(2) Gift Certificate from Starbucks

(3) if you're really generous - 5th generation IPOD charger.

(4) 5th Generation 30gb Ipod Skins - to protect ipods from scratching and breaking

(5) 4x6 Printer Paper for my Canon Selphy CP510 printer

(6) Did I already mention Gift Certificate from Starbucks?

Untouchables:

(1) Have lunch/dinner with me @ Tony Roma's - I have a birthday certificate that they sent me. I want to use it. So have dinner/lunch with me.

(2) Hang out and talk with me whenever you and I are free.

(3) Have a "drink" with me.

(4) Tell me 21 things that I don't know about you.

(5) Bake me brownies

(6) Bake me SALMON (HINT HINT.. HAHAHAHAHAHA.. *coughs* JAN JEN *coughs* )

(7) Visit me @ UW and have lunch with me or just hang around with me around the UDistrict or UVillage - I need some break time away from all the craziness.

(8) Tell me 5 things you don't like about me (ohhh.. free for allll.. hahahahaha.. )

(9) Give me one good website to visit.

(10) Tell me 1 thing that you like about me.

A "pietas" entry.

I had a conversation with this Filipina lady in the bus on the way home from school two days ago. It was an encounter that I never expected. From the stories that she's telling me about her family, I could tell that she came from a well-bred family, "me kaya", is the word for it in Tagalog.

She asked me about my parents, how long we've been staying here.. all those standard Filipino question and answer.

When I told her that my dad was back home and didn't want to stay here. She gave me this whole speech about America being a good land to live in. That you can live in it without any worries and frustrations. That life here is much better than life back home. She came to a point of saying the words, "wala ng pag-asa ang Pilipinas, kaya sabihin mo sa tatay mo dito na lang sya".

I never really got the impact of those words when I read it from other immigrants' blog, but when I actually heard it in reality, that's when I really got the whole meaning of it. I mean, here's a Filipino, born in the Philippines, who is downgrading or shall i say downcasting her own motherland, where she came from.

I didn't really know what to feel when I heard those words from her. Deep inside me, I felt like I want to be mad at her at tell her off by saying, "it's your homeland, it's where you come from, how dare you say those things to her? it's people like you who makes the Philippines worse than it already is." But then on the other hand, I thought, she's right, in so many aspects she's right.

I don't know. I guess in a way I think highly of the Philippines, no matter how hard it is to live there now. Philippines is so much more than economy and growth. It's a place I call "home". A place where I grew up. To me, it doesn't hurt to think that one day, this country will rise above every challenge it is facing right now. To me, it doesn't hurt to think positive about the country.
Sure it is what it is right now. But with the right amount of help especially from its people living abroad, that country can fluorish.

I just don't really get why there are people like that. Like I said, those kind of people are the people who make the Philippines what it is right now. Wala ng pagasa. Good thing there are others who still thinks that Philippines is a country with many opportunities. I still think that there is a lot of good opportunities there --- farmland, culture, sights, beaches, metropolitan --- people just don't see it or they just chose not to see it anymore.

Picture Post I

01/26/07: The Shoes that Hurt my Feet

This shoes made my feet suffered that day. I had scabs on the sole of my feet. It was crazy. But I learned an important lesson that day.

Never buy shoes that don't fit you well, NO MATTER HOW CUTE THEY ARE.

LOL. I'm crazy that way.

That day was also the day of my first PChem Midterm. So yeah, the end of my day was pretty much a day of craziness.

I still have yet to get the results of my test. Hmm.. I wonder..

My Classes. My Business.

February 6. My first midterm in Rome's History and Art History.

I'm quite scared because I have seen the guidelines for review (which is on the left side of this entry.). A lot of it based on memorizing dates (to which I totally hate since.. yeah.. I just don't like memorizing numbers.. except when it comes to Math or Chem of course.. ). Hayyy.. O mi gosh.. I'm scared. But I can't be scared. I took this history class for two reasons. One, for me to learn about the history of Rome, so I won't be an ignorant pompous ass when one day I see myself walking on the streets of Rome seeing all the nice places, and TWO, so I would conquer my apathy against history.

O mi gosh..

I'm really scared.

But um.. I won't be scared. I'm writing our first paper right now. It's about the theme "virtue and vice" within the Roman history. So, techinically, I'm reviewing already.

Hooray!

Ok. Must go back to the paper. I have one week to review. ONE WEEK. AND on top of that, I still need to review for my other classes. I have another book to read for my History of Christianity class. And my PChem professor ain't making life easier for us.

Ok. Must stop complaining.

I haven't got the chance to upload pictures of the new additions to our family. My cousin gave birth to twins. A boy and a girl. I'll upload as soon as the craziness in my life tames down, to which I hope would be after my rome exam next week.

Life Lessons

Realizing that I am a bit of a freakish, illogical and unreasonable person when I'm mad/high tempered..

ERR.. Menn.. You know it is true. You don't want to be wrong and yet sometimes you still are too stubborn to admit that you're wrong. I don't know if its genetically embedded in a girl's DNA to be prideful. Aren't men suppose to me more egotistical than girls?

Anyway. I've decided to calm my self down and start living a life (with less) pride. I am not sure how that will go because as we all know, pride is the one sin that we all can't beat, unless of course we have a strong heart to beat it.