random song lyrics that can hit your head AND heart

I think I'll go home now it's
been the greatest day thank
you for shedding life to my
fantasy throw me a wicked
smile the one like
yesterday
//
why i can never let you go
so strange extraordinary
why i can never tell you so i
must be dumb why i can
never let this go can't stop
this fun it must be done
- Another Day, Mojofly

2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
- Breathe, Anna Nalick

After all this time,
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it,
couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
And part of me died when I let you go
- Blind, Lifehouse

short post

I now know what it feels like to get pulled over by the police.

It's a strange yet scary feeling.

Thank God, I was just warned about the current license/registration sticker that was hiding behind the Northwest Hospital plate.

I thought I was going to be ticketed for speeding at a 35 mph street --- I was going 40.

What A Day.

Aura: B-itchy/Cranky

Pahabol: Sa natarayan ko kanina.. kung binabasa mo man 'to. I'm churi! That time of the month e. Patawad. =)

Featuring: SOUND-OFF

I have updated my Music Page blog. Click the link below.

SOUND OFF

The blog has not yet been fully constructed. I'm just way to busy and way to lazy to work with it. But I'll (try) to make it look good soon. For now, just enjoy the audios and the playlists.

The DOCTOR IS OUT

It has been a while since my last doctor's appointment. I can barely even remember what was checked up on me during that time. My mom bugged me about making an appointment last spring break, but I wasn't able to or I would rather say that I didn't want to make it.

Ever since the time I got tested positive for having (dormant) tuberculosis virus and diagnosed with mild scoliosis, I kind of got a little bit edgy when it came to dealing with doctors. Ever since then, I didn't make any check-up appointments and best of all, I didn't follow up if I still had to take medications to fight off the dormant TB virus in my body, I don't go to any physical therapy (I think I still have 3 sessions left with HEALTHSOUTH) nor do I do the exercises that was given to me during the time I was undergoing PT (that MAY or MAY NOT correct my slightly disaligned backbone).

Yes, I'm a walking health rebel. I don't drink milk anymore. I don't take vitamins anymore. I don't get enough sleep at night. I drink coffee. I eat junk food a lot. I don't like going to doctors. I don't want to know if there's anything wrong with my stick-thin body.

A friend told me once, "you're afraid of the doctor, yet you want to become a doctor yourself?".

I told him, "I'm not sure if I still even want to be a doctor".

Is it true that doctors themselves don't want to be checked up on? Is it true? Cause if it is, I'd say I'm a pretty good candidate to become a doctor myself, since I'm reluctant to be checked up on.

I know that I should take care of my body in order to live a long and healthy life.

I'm just being a stubborn little girl awaiting for a sickness/disease/ilness/infection to come haunt and bring me down.

I'm a stubborn little girl. There, I saved you a lot of time and energy from telling me that.

Left:Stubborn Big Dog, Right: Stubborn Girl and Stubborn Big Dog: My attempt in taking a decent picture of me and Curly, I think he doesn't want to take a picture with me, maybe that's the reason why he keeps on moving on every attempt I make.

I'M IN. WOOHOO.

1. It's been two days since that admissions packet from SPU landed on my hands and I think the supposed "rant" that I should have posted two days ago had gone way over my head, in short, it just got played out. So, I will rant no more.

2. I'll be writing a post about friendship, so watch out for that. It's going to be a little dramatic, so prepare yourselves. LOL.

3. I want to watch this movie. The preview for it got me all teary-eyed. Don't ask why, because I, myself have no clue why.


pic courtesy of movies @ yahoo.com

Have a fabuloso week!

*GUSH* --- I'm in hyper mode.. so bear.

I once wrote an entry about this crush that I had on a guy that I rode the bus with.

There's a big improvement or should I say PROGRESS about him that happened today:

He said HI to me today!!! AIIIIYEEE!!! hehehehehehe..

HAAHHHHH.. I'm in heaven..

I'm in heaven because he knows that I exist!! WIIHH!!!

I'm in heaven because he said HI to me!! HAHAHAHAHA..

Ok, before the eye rolling and the throwing up, you have to give me some credit because that is the first time that he ever said a word to me. Well, technically not the first time, because I talked to him once before, when I made a fool out of myself in front of him.. but that's beside the point. My POINT is, HE KNOWS THAT I EXIST.

LOL.

----- moment of bliss over -----

and the WITCHCRAFT keeps piling up...

Friendster featured "horoscopes" as their new feature today. I read mine just for the heck of it and to my dismay this is what it read:

"You've been holding on to a vital, startling piece of information for quite some time now -- and you're ready to hang on to it for even longer, if need be. You might not be able to, however, if anyone else knows -- and if one of those 'anyones' wants to cause some major disruption in your life. Be careful who you let in on the secret. Even if it's someone you adore."

Now seriously, is there something going on around me that I should be aware of? Or am I just paranoid? See, this is what happens when you read into horoscopes and fortunes, THEY MAKE YOU PARANOID!!! GRRRR...

There's something about this "horoscope read" that hit me, hence, me getting all paranoid. I won't go into anymore detail about it.

(YAY!! I'm through with writing about personal stuff!! HE.HE.HE.).

The Fortune Lies.

We ate at Fushen today to celebrate my sister's birthday (her birthday was yesterday, but we celebrated it today with some of the family). As you good people know, Chinese restaurants always give out fortune cookies (and sometimes sliced oranges) at the end of the meal. So I got my share at the end of our yummylicious meal, and this is what it read:


I wonder what that "something" might be?

I usually don't believe fortune cookies or fortunes in general. I think they are pieces of crap lying around this lovely planet trying to screw people's mind up. But, today my whole value of not believing in fortunes just turned upside down when I read that fortune cookie's fortune. Is this a sign from UP THERE? Is this a sign that I've been asking for?

Haaayyy.. who knows.. it might be just one of those crappa fortunes.

Have a good week y'all.

P.S.:

"Thus, fear of danger is ten thousand times more terrifying than danger itself, when apparent to the eyes; and we find the burden of anxiety greater, by much, than the evil which we are anxious about:"

I just read this quote today, found it from the tagboard of a friend's blog. I looked the whole quote up in the internet. I think God is telling me something, I don't know what though.

Trippin'

I seldom watch TV anymore. The only time that I watch TV is if The OC or One Tree Hill is on, no more beyond that.

I stopped watching TV for two reasons: (1) I've become a certified computer nerd, and (2) There are too many reality shows in every channel that I look at.

Today, as I was eating lunch, I channeled my tv to MTV. The station was showing a season finale of "The Ashlee Simpson" show, I decided to watch it since I (sometimes) enjoy watching the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

After the show, another reality tvs came on. It was titled "Trippin'". It was produced and starred by Cameron Diaz, one of the most highly paid actors in Hollywood. At first, I thought it was going to be another one of those 'celebrity life' reality shows. But then, as the intro credits rolled in, she introduced it as a show that will show countries, which she and a group of her personal friends will travel into, that are environmentally endangered.

Here's the show's taglines:

Cameron Diaz and a group of her close, personal friends think globally and act globally too as they travel to unlikely getaways...from Chile to Yellowstone, on a quest to safeguard the environment. No Hotel, no Pilates instructors...they will pack their own bags and carry them into the wild.

The show got me interested because I myself have become interested in travelling, but truth be told, I was only interested in the words "travelling to see" not in the words, "travelling for a cause/reason". But after watching one episode of that show, I started to think about "travelling for a reason".

We usually read or hear stories about people who travel into "third world" countries to see what's going on in the culture, environment, or lifestyle of those countries and when they come back home, they have this new sense of thinking or well being caused by observing and experiencing first hand what the lifestyle of such countries have. They start to think that the dramas that they go through in life is nothing compared to the people in those countries. I, myself, have heard a number of stories and each time I hear them, they never fail to inspire me.

As you scroll through the right pane of this blog, you will see a list of websites of the countries I would like to travel into "when I grow up". If you go through that list, you will see that they are countries that are travelled by many because of their richness of "places to see". I'm starting to contemplate of adding another list of countries, countries that are less fortunate in the realm of "places to see" but more fortunate in the realm of culture, diversity and people who considers -technology and city life- as unfamiliar territory to them.


Richmond Beach Saltwater Park

After I took this picture, I thought it was a photograph gone bad. But when I uploaded it, I thought of it as a painting. HEH.

I'm Amazed Again.

Transparent Photography

ASTEG SYA!!! GO AND LOOK!!

How To Make The Most Out Of Your Spring Break

1. When you're going through a lot of drama, i.e. messed up priorities; messed up grades @ school; messed up values; messed up head; messed up love(?)life; etc., and you don't want to cry over them, arm yourself with a lot of cash and go to the mall.

2. When there's nothing better to do at home, go out and grab a bite at your nearest fastfood chain.

3. If you haven't seen your relatives (your sister or your brother, for instance) for a while, schedule a meet with them. Have some coffee, eat dinner, shop, have a movie marathon, and talk to them about the boy who makes your heart skip

4. Spring Break doesn't mean a break from your friends. Spring Break means hanging out with them. Go to the beach, have a spontaneous bbq cookout, and enjoy a week's worth of bonding without school getting in the way.

5. Do RnR with MnM (Translation: Rest and Relax with Me and Myself). Go shopping, watch DVDs, tinker with your computer, catch up with Friendster or Myspace (Do TWICE the catching up, since you're on a break), listen to music, download music, drive around --- do whatever that satisfies your fancy.

Hope you college guys and girls had a fun and restful break.



Richmond Beach Saltwater Park
March 25, 2005

I'd Be Lying If I Said I'm OK

If y'all read the melodramatic entry I wrote before this one, you'll know what I mean by the title.

Yes, I'm still not OK, but at least I had some time to contemplate about things that has been bugging me and to calm my nerves down a notch. Unfortunately, contemplating and calming down has gotten a bit too expensive for me. You see, last Monday, I went shopping at Alderwood Mall. I ate my heart out at Forever 21, Wet Seal, Icing, and Jamba Juice. Yet, Alderwood wasn't enough for me, so I went to Northgate mall to oogle some more at Rave and Payless.

The next day, I thought I had given up on shopping. But no, I went to Ross (right by Northgate place) and fell in love with a ton of tops. HAA.. Too bad I blew all my money the day before so I only bought two tops there. Then, I went to Marshalls and saw another cute top and of course, being the impulsive me that I am, I bought it too.

So, it has been an interesting two days. Two days of contemplation, exercising (my legs and my wallet), and eating my heart out on the cutesy tops that my stores sell. Although, I'm broke as a bum, it did a lot of help in lowering my stress level.

"Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight"
--- Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2

Last note,

I saw my winter quarter grades today and can I just say, how interesting it is that my Chem Lab grade is higher than my Chem subject grade. HEH.

When Everything Goes Tough.. I Get Bitchier..

Disclaimer:

UBER-PERSONAL ANG ENTRY NA 'TO. KAYA KUNG IISIPAN NYO KO NA ANG SIRA-SIRA KO PARA MAGLAGAY NG ISANG NAPAKAPERSONAL NA ENTRY.. WELL.. I DON'T GIVE A SH*T.. BLOG KO 'TO AND I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT IN IT.

***

I'll write this entry in Tagalog, because it will sound MUCH better.

Unfair ang buhay. Alam nating lahat yun. Hindi lahat ng bagay puwedeng mapasaatin. Hindi lahat ng bagay puwedeng mangyari according to our standards. Hindi lahat ng bagay makukuha sa iyak, sa galit o sa lungkot.

Ganon ang buhay e. Minsan masaya, minsan malungkot. Minsan parang gusto mo ng mamatay, minsan parang gusto mong mabuhay ng matagal.

Maraming bagay ang gumugulo sa isip ko ngayon, mga bagay na hindi ko dapat bigyan ng matinding pansin dahil sila'y mababaw na bagay lamang. Ngunit minsan, gusto kong lunurin ang sarili ko sa kanila. Gusto kong gawan ng paraan para mawala sila sa utak ko.

Walang-wala ako ngayon. Nawawala sa road. Kung baga, nasa dead end ako. Wala akong mapuntahan. Walang priorities na sinusunod, tapos ang mga values ko sa buhay parang wala nang saysay.

Ang dami dami ko nang pagkakamaling nagawa. Mga pagkakamali na dapat kong ihingi ng tawad sa Diyos, pero di ko ginagawa. Ang dami dami kong iniisip na mali, pero hindi ako humihingi ng tulong sa Diyos para alisin ang "malisyoso" kong pagiisip.

Sinasarili ko lahat ng problema. Hindi ako humihingi ng tulong. Kahit gusto kong umiyak hindi ko ginagawa dahil ayokong makita ng mga tao na malungkot ako o isipin nila na nagiinarte ko. Alam ko sinabi ko na wala akong pakelam sa mga iniisip sakin ng mga tao, pero sorry, nagpakaplastic lang ako, me pakelam din ako.. ng konti.

Sinabi nga sakin ng isa kong kaibigan, "pag sinasarili mo yang mga problema mo, walang mangyayari sayo.. kelangan mong isabog yan.. kungdi ikaw ang talo sa huli". Ewan ko. Minsan mas gusto ko na lang kimkimin kesa sa magsabi ng problema, mas feel ko yun e.

Sabi nung lalake dun sa movie na "Perfect Opposites":

"Why do girls always need to talk things through? Why can't they just keep the problems to themselves and just die of a heart attack?"

Baligtad ako. Mas gusto ko pa atang mamatay sa sakit sa puso kesa sa ilabas ko ang problema ko sa mundo.

Relatively New Things in My Life (backlogged entry)

iBook G4 Laptop


Ibook G4
Originally uploaded by angeloraine.

It's the laptop that I bought out of spontaneity and rushness, but all is worth it because it hasn't done anything to anger my technologically-challenged self. Well, there's actually one downside, the Mac version of Yahoo Messenger, sucks. The PC version is so much better with all the animated emoticons, the Launchcast radio, and the games you can play with whoever you are conversing with. It's also not voice capable. How sucky is that?

As for my PC, I haven't sold it yet. HEHE.. I'm having separation anxiety syndrome.. hehehe.. excuses, excuses.. I'm just not paying that much attention to selling it. Hopefully during spring break, I'll be busy hunting down buyers.

iPod Mini


Mini Ipod
Originally uploaded by angeloraine.

My cousin Inee both this for her husband, then her husband wanted the newer 6gb version, so she proposed to sell this to me. I caved, because it's blue and it's the iPod that I always wanted.

Spring/Summer Clothes

I've been shopping non-stop for the past month now. It's a good therapy for my damaged brain and aching heart. But I'm already feeling the day that I will be broke. I'm telling you, it's getting close.

Adobe Photoshop Elements and 7.0v

I have both software installed in my notebook, but I haven't played with it since the day I've installed both. But since spring break is coming, I might as well take advantage of them. Hopefully I don't get lazy. But who gets lazy when you have a computer sitting on your lap instead of you sitting in front of a computer?? Get the picture?

Current Obsessions:

Songs... Songs.. and more Songs.. Seriously, I have spent so much dough on iTunes. I'm hooked! I swear! Thank God, I don't bring money with me when I went to BestBuy last Wednesday. HAAYYY.. Music is life, I'm telling you. It's life.

Spring Break Fever

Since I'm not going anywhere out of state, I might as well enjoy my one-week break on going places such as Greenlake Park, Downtown, and University Village. I hope the weather is not gloomy. I want some sun (sans the wind) in Seattle!

Lastly,

The song "Obsession" by Frankie J. suits me well. HEH. Well, technically I'm not obsessed with something. I'm just.. how do you say it? Endeared? Emotionally attached? Infatuated? Hmm.. who cares??

"Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)

More than my feelings (what am i doing wrong)

Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)

Its just an illusion that i have in my heart"

PAHABOL!!!

To all graduating students this year (high school and college),

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Special Attention to: Nica, Joelle, and Ginett .... Congrats sa inyo! =)

My OTHER Blogs

I decided to make separate blogs of my two passions: music and photography.

Sound Off

- This blog will feature playlists of songs that I constantly listen to and will also contain lyrics of songs that I play on my Ipod repeatedly.

Photo-Lage

- This blog will feature photographs that I've taken from the past, the present and maybe future ones. It's sorta like a photojournal. It's my replacement to my deviantart page.

Both are still underconstruction. But tomorrow, after my Chem final, I will start tinkering with them.

I hope you stay tune for them.

Heaven vs. Earth

"This world is not our home; we are looking forward to our everlasting home in heaven."

--- The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

In the beginning, this world was pure. But when Eve ate the forbidden fruit, impurity started to become prevalent. The world became a much colossal place. It became rigid and shallow. It became a zone for wars and terror. It became a breeding ground for sensationalized "breaking news". It became materialistic and less thankful. It became a place where hurt and loneliness surpasses the feeling of happiness and freedom.

This world has become a painful place to live in ever since sin was born. There's too much stress, too much pain and too much pressure. Time here is always wasted on emotions that are superficial. Energy is always wasted on overanalyzing things that are not suppose to be overanalyzed.

Heaven, on the other hand, is where clarity strikes. It is a place where happiness and freedom prevail. It is a place where sin no longer exist. It is a place where you can see God smiling at you saying, "you belong better here than you do on Earth."

I want to see Heaven.

. . . kasi sa Heaven, hindi ako masasaktan
. . . kasi sa Heaven, walang gulo, walang away
. . . kasi sa Heaven, nandon si God para bantayan ako ng mabuti
. . . kasi sa Heaven ko lang mararamdaman ang tunay na kasiyahan

I know there's a reason why I'm still living on this planet. I know that God wants me and the rest of the people in this world to feel and learn from every worst feeling this world has to offer.

I can't wait to go to Heaven. I can't wait to go home. I can't wait to be happy forever.

I Love Spring Movies!

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
May 16



Sin City
April 1

I want them, but I can't have them

At least at the moment . . .

+ Starbucks Toffee Nut Frappucino
+ Starbucks Decaf Toffee Nut Latte
+ Pho (AGAIN!)
+ A new layout for this blog.

I don't want to work today. I'm lazy. I just want to go home and sleep and then just come back to school to attend my Organic Chemistry night class.

I just want this quarter to end. I want SPRING BREAK! Too bad I'm not going anywhere during that week. If I had the chance (and the $$) I would fly my ass to California and visit my cousins there. I haven't seen them since my uncle's (dad's bro) funeral, which was two years ago.

What else can I blab about?

OH! I have 17 credits registered for next quarter. Suicidal don't you think? HEH. A math, a science, and a design class. WHOOPEE!! 17 credits!!

Glass-Shattering Experience

For the most part of my life, I have not experience any major or minor physical injuries. The extent of injury that I only suffered through was a mere scratch on my leg, from tripping on something, or cramps, when I stretch too much.

But today, it was more than a scratch on the leg and crampy arms. They were two open wounds, one on my right forefinger and the other on my right foot; red marked scratches all over my left and right arm (well, most of the marks were on my right hand); and red marked scratches on my right leg.

Here's the flow chart version of the event that caused my injuries:

I was taking a shower ----> I opened the shower door to get a facial wash ----> I accidently slammed the shower door ----> I finished showering ----> I open shower doors, but to my dismay they won't open (gliders were apparently out of place) ----> I tried re-aligning the doors ----> While re-aligning, I suddenly got all claustrophobic (is that spelled right?), consequently making me impatient with the non-moving doors ----> I pressured one door to slide ----> CRASH! Shards of glass came raining down all over me.

Thank God, they only screwed up my arms, hands and legs.

I guess the statistic is true: The most accident prone area in the house is the bathroom.

Hmm.. I think that experience was a sign. HEH.. I gotta start being extra careful when driving.

To people with glass shower doors: BE GENTLE WITH THEM! DON'T SLAM THE DAMN DOORS! OR ELSE . . .

One-Two Step

i take one step..away
and i find myself coming back
to you
my one and only
one and only you...

--- Your Song by Parokya Ni Edgar

It's not only a "one step" for me but it's a hundred steps and somehow I always find myself coming back. Two hundred steps back.

It's hard to step back when something is always around you.

It's hard to move back when you know that that something can tear you up in just a blink of an eye, or in words or even in action.

It's always a "push and pull" situation, I don't know where I should stand.

"It hurts when reality strikes your back. But what hurts the most is that you didn't do anything to prevent reality from hitting you hard."


I have to start writing again. I edited this entry 5 times today because of all the grammatical flaws I encountered everytime I reread it. It's amazing what three months of freewriting (meaning BSing my entries for the past 3 months) can do to my writing skills. Wait, scratch that, do I even have writing skills?

It's a wet Wednesday morning

The alarm woke me up at an ungodly hour today, 6 am. But I didn't hit the off botton until it was about 6:45am. HEH. It's raining today. A day to be reflective.

Anyway, I don't have my Botany lecture class at the usual 11:30a, since the Wednesday lab group is taking a tour at the UW Botany place at around 12am. The only day when I actually wanted to attend lecture and she cancels class. Blech. Anyway, at least I have time to go to the open lab and scan through the slides for next Thursday's lab practical, which I have get a 3.0+ grade on. I haven't even looked at my tabulated grades for that class yet, I'm too afraid to do so, too afraid to see a failing one. WAAAHHH.

Tomorrow, I have my final midterm for my organic chemistry class. Another test that I have to ace, or at least, a test that I need to get an 80% on. I don't really want to have two failed midterms (I bummed my 2nd midterm) for that class. I want to get at least a 3.0 (or maybe 3.3) grade for that class, or else my fate in the universities I applied for transfer will be flushed out the toilet.

After my lab lecture for org.chem (which took forever to finish) last night, I had to rush to Red Robbins to join my friends because we were celebrating Cess' birthday. Her birthday was actually last Monday, but since some of us couldn't attend a Monday shindig, we decided to do it on Tuesday. Anyway, like I said, I rushed to the restaurant to join what was left of the party. They were eating already when I arrived. I didn't have the energy nor the mood to order food anymore, so I just watched them eat. But when dessert came, I just had to jump in and eat some, mud pie ala carte baby!

My head ached last night, too much fast food perhaps? HEHE. Anyway, I feel ok now. Thank God.

Have to go and eat na because I'm going to school early. I'm going to study there. I somehow can't study in my own room anymore. Don't know why.

To everyone who's anyone who has finals coming up: May GOD grant you determination and wisdom.

Botany. Me Love Botany.

Currently listening to: Going Crazy by Natalie

I just finished typing out a table of the Eukaryotic Phylums and their taxonomic characteristics (Don't even try to decipher what I just said, I can't even decipher it myself). I couldn't sleep, so I decided to study more for my Botany quiz that will happen later at 11:30 am. I know I'm suppose to be sleeping na, because, as many elderly or more experienced people say, sleep can get you to do good on an exam. Hayy.. I'll just leave this exam tomorrow kay God.

Men, Biology can sometimes be a bitch. I don't know why I even like the subject. Oh, Yeah. because it's interesting.

Anyway, I'm starting to worry about my grades again. It's not even finals yet and I'm starting to worry.

I don't know. Pag bumaba pa yung CGPA ko, I don't think I can handle it anymore. WAAHH..

Anyway, I gotta go. Need some sleep. I have four alarm clocks that will wake me up later.

Have a good week y'all!

I LOVE BOTANY!

10 REALLY random things about me:

+I'm a freak of nature. I sleep at 5 am in the morning and CAN wake up at 5 pm in the afternoon.
+I love Starbucks's Toffee Nut Flavoring.
+I love to eat, even though it doesn't show on my body
+I have this ability to feel and know things that are happening around me to which I don't personally know of. Woman's instinct as they call it.
+I have discovered recently that I enjoy watching DVDs
+I love Sex and the City
+I love Friends
+I have way too many pairs of sandals
+I can be awake for 24 hours straight.
+I love to shop
+I'm good at hiding sad feelings and feelings in general
+I don' like plastics (people or the thing that shopping places use)

9 ways to win my heart:

*Make me laugh.
*If you're patient with my ever changing moods, then you'll win me over
*Shop with me without any complaints
*If you can stand me not talking for 1 whole hour, then i will love you forever
*If you're passionate about photography or music, you got me
*If you have this really really cute smile. I can't resist smiles that are cutesy
*If you can get along with my cynical cousins and siblings AND parents.
*If you can get along with my friends
*If you don't bitchslap me, I will love you forever and ever.

8 things I carry (and wear) everyday:

:: bag
:: lipgloss
:: hair comb
:: pressed powder
:: wallet
:: keys
:: cellphone
:: clothes

7 things that annoy me:

:: sales people who are rude, bitchy, and incompetent
:: discrimination
:: computer that decides to freeze, crash or stop
:: promises that are made, then broken (I HATE THIS!)
:: people who I BARELY EVEN KNOW who mocks me by saying "baka mabali buto mo" or "baka lalo kang pumayat".. It irritates me to the core when they do that.
:: people who obssesses about things
:: (sometimes) neurotic people annoys the heck out of me.

6 places I've visited:

:: New York (I wanna go back)
:: LA
:: Las Vegas
:: Baguio, Philippines
:: Seattle
:: Vancouver, Canada

5 things I want to do before I die:

> Have a gallery of my photos
> Write a book
> Do medical research
> Travel Europe
> Travel Philippines

4 things I'm afraid of:

! God
! getting hurt
! losing someone i love
! snakes

3 things I do everyday:

/internet
/sleep
/pseudo-study (when I'm in school)

2 things I'm trying not to do now:

= slack off
= waste my time on non-productive things

1) person I want to see now:

Two people : MY NIECES.

La.Di.Da.

I'm currently thinking about changing my blog's header. It's been a while since I've made a change in this blog. Hmmm.. When I get inspired, I will change it, that is if I get enough patience to work with Photoshop. I'm a newbie with it, so I'm kind of having a hard time trying to adapt myself with it.

The quarter's almost over. There's going to be a lot of changes that will happen in spring, i.e., changes in my club, changes in my circle of friends, changes in choices.. there's A LOT.

Changes, changes. Hmm. Last time I checked, I was not a very big fan of "change". It usually takes me a while to get use to changes, no matter how big or small it is.

Hmm.. Ewan ko.

La lang.. nageesep-esep na naman ako. Sometimes I tend to analyze things too much. HEHE.. Guess that concept or attitude about me is not new to some of you.

On another note, do you think fate is real? I always tell my friends these sayings: "everything happens for a reason" and "if you guys are meant for each other, in the end you guys will end up with each other". I always tend to tell them such sayings without me even contemplating on whether or not I believe in such sayings. Ewan ko. Just a thought that sprung out of my head all of a sudden.

What else can I say? Hmm.. I'm thinking of not working next quarter. Working in the chemistry lab makes my mind (and back) go nuts. I'm always either standing up or walking around the stock room and the labs. It's exhausting and sometimes, the work that I do there gets a little repetitive. But I'm thankful I tried out that line of work. It got me to decide that setting up experiments and washing lab glasswares is not the work I want to do in the next ten years or so.



(This entry is written out of randomness. I can't really form an insightful one right now.)

last minutes of my day...

"lht nagbabago. kaya dpt matututnan ntin i-adapt ung srli ntn. life without change is not life at all.bsta, impt, d2 prin kmi aftr evrything.."

----- this is what my friend told me after I sent her a note about...something.

it's true. life without change,is, after all, a boring life. i just have to learn to live with such truth. i've been dependent on people around me for some time now, so, i've got to start learning how to live an independent life.

after all, i'm already 19 years old.

Thank You God for Another Year . . .

Well.. well.. this is my last "teen" year.

Hmm.. I'm out of words.

I just had to post something.

I had an interesting birthday. VERY VERY INTERESTING (friends, you know what i mean by this).

I was touched by the plethora of greetings I received from the other side of the world and of course, from this side of the world.

Anyway, I will post pictures of my birthday bash once I complete my schoolwork and work work for this week (or maybe even next week). I'm gonna be really busy since the quarter is almost over.

Anyway, I leave you this song:

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
by U2

Tough, you think you`ve got the stuff
You`re telling me and anyone
You`re hard enough

You don`t have to put up a fight
You don`t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don`t have to go it alone

And it`s you when I look in the mirror
And it`s you when I don`t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I... that`s alright
We`re the same soul
I don`t need... I don`t need to hear you say
That if we weren`t so alike
You`d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don`t have to go it alone

And it`s you when I look in the mirror
And it`s you when I don`t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own

I know that we don`t talk
I`m sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing,
you`re the reason I sing
You`re the reason why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
I`ve got to let you know
A house still doesn`t make a home
Don`t leave me here alone

And it`s you when I look in the mirror
And it`s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own
Sometimes you can`t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own

Kids just being Kids

LOOK UP IN THE SKY!


Isn't this the sweetest thing you've ever seen?


I haven't figured out how to put borders in Photoshop. I'm too lazy to do so.

Have a good week y'all!!

A Day Worth Remembering..

Happy Valentines Day, everyone! I hope y'all had a wonderful day spent with family, friends, and significant others.

This year's Hearts Day is the most memorable of all the Hearts Day I celebrated before. The sight of my girlfriends and my guy friends smiling this day just made it all memorable for me. Usually, some people tend to get all mushy-gushy because they don't have any "valentine", but my friends weren't those people and I'm sure glad that they didn't become that.

Today, I know that I made my girlfriends smile. I gave each of them a pair of tulips, peach and yellow tulips, which signifies appreciation and friendship. I didn't give anything to my guy friends, but that's because I know that they wouldn't want to carry flowers around school. I just gave them my very best Valentines day greeting.

The best part of this day was the snow that came falling down early this morning. I got awe-struck and giddy inside when I saw the snow. Too bad, it dried out even before this day could end.

I think the snow changed my view about the true meaning of Valentines day. I still think that it is a day where people have an excuse to get laid or to receive/give extravagant gifts. But, I realized that spending this day with family and friends, without the gift-giving and flower-giving, makes it all worthwhile to celebrate it.

Again, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to y'all.

It's the PERSONAL STATEMENT, y'all! (FINALLY!)

In the two years of studying in Shoreline Community College, I have come to appreciate things that really matter.

At the start of my educational career, my parents have instilled upon me that I should do my best to get high grades. They expected a lot from me; if somehow a not-so high grade prints out on my report card, they get all antsy and tell me that I should do better next time. At first, I wasn’t too keen on them putting a lot of pressure on me, but I started to grow into it. I vied for the highest grade that I could possibly get in every subject. I wanted to be in the 90-100 percent range of the grade system, any number below 90 was just not good enough for me.

When I became a senior in high school, I started applying for colleges. As I look through the requirements and the expectations that each college application have written out, I was a bit surprise or rather shocked to find out that “good” grades was not enough for an admission to a reputable/respectable college. I stressed on and on about why universities need to see community work and extracurricular activities, when I have a CGPA of 3.6. I angrily ask every person I talked to then, “isn’t good grades not enough of an evidence that I’m a good student who deserves a spot in the admitted students list?”

When I started studying at Shoreline Community College (SCC), I began to experience the trauma of getting low grades. I became hard on myself and I got stuck in a black hole known as “self-pitying”. Then one day I had an epiphany, one that I had when I, along with a group of friends, performed for a group of elders at a nearby nursing home. I realized then that grades that I get from every courses that I take are not that important but what is more important is applying what I have learned in each subject into real life experiences. It was more of sharing what I know and what I’ve learned to the community that is around me. After that time, I made one of the most liberating and intelligent decision, I decided to not pay too much importance on the number that I receive, but rather appreciate and apply the vast information that I have learned in a four cornered room to the immeasureable world out there.

After I’ve realized that real world experience was more important, I started to volunteer more openly and without the notion of “I have to volunteer, in order for my college applications to look nice”. I’m currently a member of the Asian Pacific Islander Club at SCC and whenever an opportunity to get myself involved in the community arises during our meetings, I sign my name up to join in. I, along with the other club members, have participated in the Christmas food drive of St. Mark’s Church, located here in Shoreline, for the St. Vincent de Paul charity. We also participated in the toy drive that was held at the Child Haven Center, located in Downtown Seattle. We also performed Christmas carols for a group of elders at the FOSS home located in Greenwood, Seattle. Such volunteer opportunities that I participated in has given me a sense of what I really love to do, which is helping people.

We all started to think about what we want to be when we grow up when we were only five years old. But during that time, we were naive and innocent little kids. We didn’t know what the “real world” was really about. But as we grew older, the world started awakening us more, consequently making us think more seriously about what we really want to be. I chose Biochemistry as my major because I know I can do so much with such broad major. It can be a stepping stone to medical school or a background for a job application to a biotechnology firm, both of which can be a good way to help people out. However, I haven’t formally decided on what I’m going to do once I earn my degree I still don’t know how to choose between going to medical school or just apply to local biotechnology firms to do research work.

I choose to apply for transfer to University of Washington because I feel certain that I can choose my path in life once I start exploring the curriculum in Biochemistry. The program gives its students the opportunity to explore ways to apply the knowledge that they have gained from their courses through research studies in the university’s own research facilities or the biotechnology companies that surround the school. As for the students who are taking Biochemistry as a stepping stone to medical school, they have an easy access to the Children’s Hospital that is near to the university, where they can volunteer or work to gain clinical experience.

I may not have a decision on what I’m going to do my life in the next ten year or so. But I know that my admission to University of Washington will help me decide on what my path will be.

Statement?? WHAT STATEMENT??

I'm suppose to finish my UW transfer application that is due 4 days from today (don't worry, it's an online application). I'm dreading the last part of it. It's the "personal statement" part. I have the draft of it, well, actually, the PARTIAL rough draft. I'm not feeling very inspired to write something profound about my life today. Wow, for once, I'm not being banal.

WEHEHEHEHE..

The friends went to Woodinville today to watch a friend's concert. I didn't go. Woodinville's too far. Besides she's gonna have another concert on the 26 in Lynwood (more details on this later).

CIAO!

The One You Love or The One Who Loves You

A friend once asked me this question: "If you see two people hanging for their lives on a cliff and you see that these two people is THE ONE YOU LOVE and THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU, who would you save?".

In times when you're in a position to make a choice on the spot, you are bound to make an impulsive one. Fortunately, I didn't make any, because I didn't know how to choose.

What if you're in a situation wherein the ONE WHO LOVES YOU tells you that he will always be there no matter what, even if he knows that you love someone else? How would you entertain him? How would you treat him? And what if he tells you that he will help you get over your feelings for the ONE YOU LOVE?

For me, I'd rather not entertain the thought of THE ONE WHO LOVES ME "waiting" around for me or "helping" me get over my feelings for the ONE I LOVE. To me, I'd rather not let him waste his time or even energy on helping me out. To me, getting over the feelings for the ONE I LOVE, is a one-person deal. A one-person deal, because it is solely up to me if I still want to waste my time oogling/gushing/mushing over the thought of the "PERSON I LOVE". It is I, who has the sole job of gathering enough strength and desire to wash away the feelings and not another person.

Hmmm.. another mushy note from yours truly. I guess all the hype about Valentines Day, which is coming up pretty quickly by the way, got me thinking about certain things and come to think of it, I already swore off V-Day. Wait, scratch that, I swore off anything that spells or exudes ROMANCE. It gives me the "ick". Well, except for one thing, if someone gives me a bear hug (you know, a hug coming from the back), I would think of that as a sweet gesture. I used the term "sweet", because like I said ROMANCE/ROMANTIC gives me the "ick". HAR HAR HAR.. Ang gulo ko 'no??

So to people who thinks ROMANCE is not "ickful": HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! (Hey, I wouldn't want you guys attack me with forks and clubs.. WEHEHEHEHE....)

An Addition to My PET PEEVES Family

In my last entry, I talked about this entry that I read concerning a "la hater" hating the guts of a "la writer". I happen to visit the link once again today and saw that there were more than many ANONYMOUS offensive/war-starting comments coming from left and right.

My gosh. Is this how people fight these days?? I swear, it gets on my nerves. I know that in order to comment in LIVEJOURNAL (or any blogs for that matter), you need to have a "screen name". And maybe, 3/4 of the people who commented on that entry was too lazy to make one, but is it too much if they put their NAMES at the end of their comments???

I know I shouldn't be judging , but c'mon now, almost all of the comments posted there were hateful/bitter/harsh. And sure, "la hater" deserved some of those comments, but don't you think she deserves to know kung kanino nangagaling yung sumbat sa kanya?? Buti pa yung "la writer" na naging target nung entry na yun e, at least she had class by putting her name at the end of her comment.

Me bago na naman akong pet peeve:

I don't like it when ANONYMOUS people post hateful/offensive comments in blogs.

Oh, and yes, I admit that I'm a bit of an eavesdropper aka. CHISMOSA (so SUE ME). I wanted to know if ms. "la hater" updated already. WEHEHEHEHE...

CAT FIGHT! meeeeeeeyyyyooowwww!!!

It's interesting how mean and catty people can get.

Nabasa ko 'tong blog entry na 'to kahapon lang. The entry is entirely about the blog owner bashing a magazine writer's supposed "kaartehan" or whatever.

Here are two 'things' that got on my nerves after reading this entry for the nth time in a row:

1) The blog owner wrote a VERY OBVIOUS hateful entry about the writer's "antics" or whatever you call it. By the looks of the write-up, I thought that the owner should've just added the name of the writer somewhere in that entry. Kung mababasa nyo yung entry, malalaman nyo talga kung sino yung nilalait nya e, well that is kung binabasa nyo yung blog nung writer na yun. Isa pa, dun sa comment box, kinoment nya: "Do you have an idea who I was talking about? Baka masyadong obvious kung sino, her sister's in LJ pa naman." Pagka-tanga naman. EWAN.

2) The very last comments made on that entry by some people really irked me. Most of the comments bashed the blog owner for being mean/catty/disrespectful/walang breeding/a cow. Yung ibang comments naman, pinagtatanggol yung blog owner. Feeling ko nga magkakaron pa ng war dun sa comment box na yun e. So anyway, yung kinainis ko dun sa comment box na yun e eto: kung babasahin nyo yung pinakahuling mga comments, makikita nyo na nagaargue sila sa isa't isa. In short, nagsasagutan sila. Yung kinainis ko dun e, yung mga NAMES/NICKNAMES nung mga nagsulat ng comments na yun hindi man lang nila pinapakita.. 'lam nyo yun? kung makikipagargue kayo or makikipagaway kau sa mga tao, dapat ipakita nyo kung sino kau diba?? tingin ko kasi sa mga nagtatago under the name ANONYMOUS, is duwag.. makikipagaway ka sa mga tao, tapos hindi mo sasabihin kung sino ka? Such BS.

HAYY.. ang blogging world. Nawawala na yung "zest".

It's FALL QUARTER '04 all over again

The procrastinating, the cramming, the tiredness, the tamaditis-ness, the social life comes first-ness, the lack of priorities, the lack of self-control, the lack of focus, and their relatives.

I stopped whining about my pseudo-love for a person a week ago. Now I'm starting to whine again and this time it's about school work. AGAIN. I went down this road before, if you scan (which I know you won't) my September-December '04 entries, you would find that the majority of those entries are mostly WHINY and FULL OF COMPLAINTS about school.

I don't want to complain anymore. It doesn't help ease the stress and the pressure that I'm under.

But, I'll let one slide, HOW CAN I BALANCE MY SOCIAL LIFE and MY STUDIES???

Chocolates = HYPERNESS

I think I've written an entry before about how I go nuts after eating a bar of chocolate or two pieces of choco chip cookie.

I just can't remember when I wrote it. HeH.

Anyway, I'm hyper right now. Hence, an entry being written at 12:30 am in the morning. HAAAYY... Chocolates really make me wonky. I swear, everytime I eat one, I go crazy. I guess the term "sugar high" is true.

So anyway, I chose to write a non-sensible entry about my favorite brands of chocolate. Read on if you must.

HERSHEYS Milk Chocolate -- YUMMY... I go crazy everytime I see my mom stack up on this brand. She always buy this brand in bulk so she could "padala" it to the PI. Of course, I always manage to score a bar or two from her. She always gets mad at me everytime I do it. She always tells me off by saying: "kaya hindi nawawala yang mga pimples mo e!!" or "masisira yang ngipin mo!!". I think it's her mode of preventing me from getting some. But it just doesn't work on me. Sorry, MUM.



TWIX Chocolate -- This is the only caramel chocolate that I would eat. I don't eat any other caramel chocolate except for this one.



KIT KAT -- Remember the line, "Have a break, Have a KITKAT"?



GODIVA Chocolate -- The most expensive, yet delicious brand of chocolate I've ever tasted. I swear, if I had the money to buy this chocolate, I would buy it in bulk! It's that GOOD!



M n Ms - The ultimate "snack" chocolate for me.




What brand of chocolate satisfies your sweet tooth?

Lapit Mga Kaibigan.. At Makinig Kayo..

I haven't found a way to get back my slightly neurotic self yet. However, I have found ways to make myself pose a genuine smile to people.

I have realized what was bothering me. Actually, a stranger made me realize it, my organic chemistry classmate to be exact. Talking to her about our life struggles made me realize how high of standards I pose on myself; how I treated every aspect in my life so seriously. For example, my educational career at the moment, I psyched myself up to do better this quarter. I told myself that I did not want to repeat the conundrum that I experienced last fall quarter. Setting high standards on myself has caused me a few setbacks. I became wayyyy too distracted on "certain" things or should I say on a "certain" person. I didn't know how to handle such distraction, therefore, it caused a serious damage in my brain. I paid so much attention to it that instead of thinking and analyzing my schoolwork, I overanalyzed and thought so much about such distraction.

Fortunately, I have come to my senses, thanks to God, who sent me a message through a person I hardly knew.

I'm currently on the road to self-healing. I still have bad moments, but who doesn't have those? I'm glad that I have friends and family to support me. I'm glad God gave me a family and quite a handful of friends.

And as for my distraction, "he" became an inspiration.

What's New in Neuroticville?

1. I AM NOW A LICENSED DRIVER. WOOOOHOOOO!!!

2. I DECIDED THAT I'M GOING TO MAKE "HIM" AS AN INSPIRATION RATHER THAN A "CATCH" THAT I WANT TO..... CATCH. --- He inspires me so much that I think God gave him to me to inspire me during times of stress and sadness.

3. Last Friday was a very very happy day for me. I passed my drive test, I finally had a breather from the reviewing I did for my courses and my 'catch' just inspired me a lot that day.

HAAAAA... Life.. sometimes you gotta hate it and MANY times you gotta love it.

I am a very inspired woman right now. I hope it doesn't go away.

Have a good week y'all!

it's close, but not that close.

it has been a while since i've written a close to interesting entry in this blog. i must admit that i've been toying around with my previous entries, writing about non-sensible crappas. i haven't been able to get a clear view of what's in my head these past days, which is the main reason for all the non-sensible entries you have read by the way. i'm in the dumps right now and i have no idea why. it must be the stress and the pressure that i'm feeling or maybe it's something else, something else that i don't know.

but however crappy the days have been for me, i have always managed to keep a smile on my face. a smile that can keep me from looking insane in front of people.

i promise, i will write something positive and cheery once i get the inspiration back.

have a good week y'all.

MOMENTS ...

This picture alleviates the stress and the pressure that I'm always under.




It reminds me that it's good to be silly kid sometimes.

That's my niece by the way.

Sometimes . . .

Doing the RIGHT thing can affect your emotions and your thinking in a debilitating way....


..... But the RIGHT thing is always the BEST thing in GOD's eyes.

Questions that seem unanswerable.

Why do people tend to overanalyze simple events or situations that happen in their lives?

Why do people always go for things that are out of their reach?

Why can't people be contented with what they have?

Why are some things in life hard to accept?


This post may be meaningless to you, but the questions it contain means a lot to me.

The Meaning Of This Song (UPDATED)

Falling
by Keahiwai

I wanna tell you baby
That you're the one that Im thinking of
But your heart is still with her
And I think she's the one that you love
I only want you happy
Even if it's not with me
Maybe one day
You'll open up your eyes and you'll see

[Chorus]
That I think I'm falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think I'm falling
Baby I'm falling for you

[Verse 2]
From the first time
You laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face
Will last till the end of time
But Im not so sure
If you're the one that I should pursue
My mind tells me no
But my heart only says that it's you

[Chorus]

Bridge:
Only time will tell
The mystery has yet to unfold
Who's gonna feel love's warmth
And the other left in the cold

Yet still I'm falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think I'm falling
Baby I'm falling for you
That I think I'm falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think Im falling

[Chorus]

Baby I'm falling for you

Update: (January 15, 3:37 pm)

I've been very weird these past few days. I'm listening to sentimental songs, again. I banned myself from playing sentimental songs on my playlists a long time ago. I got sick of listening to them because I get sad or mushy or moody whenever I start listening to one. Now, I'm back to them. I'm also having a hard time getting used to certain things, in short, I'm having a hard time in taking some things in a less serious manner.

Life... IT CAN get complicated. Thank God I have my family and my friends to make it a little less complicated.

For the people who knows what I'm going through right now:

Thanks for the advices and the act of knocking my head into reality. Thanks for putting up with my annoying "seriousness" about certain situations and thanks for still being there for me even though I somehow annoyed some part of you.

GAIL and SARAH :: For telling me to guard my heart.

LENN, JENN, and CESS (mabasa sana nila 'to) :: For telling me to not take things seriously and for giving me a dose of reality.

Can you say, SNOW?

WEEEEEE!!!!!!

UPDATE (9:06 pm):

I stood up from bed today and I saw the white environment outside my room's window. I got so excited that I got up fast and run outside to see how our front yard looked. ALL WHITE. I was so giddy about it that I took these pictures without even thinking about the 9am mass we were going to attend.

Now, at this hour, the snow has melted. Well, some were left, but tomorrow I bet that that would also be gone.

Sayang, kala ko pa naman din maglast hanggang bukas, wala sanang pasok! har har har..

Hassled or Frazzled?

On my way home today, I was contemplating on what to write about in this blog. However, my mind was full of new tools, newly learned stuff, 1st week hassles of a college quarter, and believe it or not, work ethics. So I dismissed the thought and went on thinking of what I could possible do that would make this evening productive. But when I arrived at the house, the writing or should I say, the ranting BUG hit me.

When I arrived home, my mom related to me that my sister Lee, will not be able to send the CSI (Christian School International) transcripts (c/o my sister Leah, who will be coming back to Seattle this Sunday) that I requested for her to get. They were high school transcipts that I need to be able to complete my transfer applications. In the act of being curious on why such issue happened, I decided to call our PI house to know exactly what went on. My sister Leah answered the phone, I asked her what happened with the transcript thing and she said: "ano ka ba? we can't do it, we've been pretty busy, tapos nagkasakit pa si Kuya Ice mo, tapos wala pang magaalaga sa mga bata, and wala pang sasakyan".

I could understand the part where my bro-in-law got sick and my nieces having no baby sitter around to look after them, but the part of not being able to have any ride to use to go to Los Banos, just ticks me off. There are a ton of jeepneys out there that has a route going LB and they don't want to use that? I know they have kids to take care, but I know for a fact that my sister Lee has no problem in taking the kids out for a ride going to Los Banos or to anywhere else for that matter.

On another note, I think I'm being selfish. Yes, lugging two kids around town is a bit of a hassle and it's also not the best idea to have a sick adult go out of a polluted environment. And yes, it's not my place to get all pissed off about this for my sister Lee, have requested things to me that I haven't fulfilled. So yes, it is not my place to get all pissed off about this.

I guess I'm just hassled right now because the UW application is due in a month and I haven't completed half of the requirements yet.

YES, I know, I'm a PROCRASTINATOR and I'm a SELFISH B. 'Nuff said.

I'm gonna go and study Organic Chemistry now.

so near, yet, so far away.

Do you know the feeling of wanting something so much but you can't have it?

I know that feeling. It kills your guts. It kills your brain. It kills the chemical hormones that are known to be excreted when you are wanting something so much.

I maybe out of context here, but I think that's the way the brain reacts to feelings that are beyond your control.

Have a good year y'all.

woo hoo.

Do you know a great way to start a new year? I can think of a few.

1. Spend it without your siblings.

2. Tell your friend that you have a crush on her crush too.

3. Be stupid enough to have one pet kill another pet.

4. Kill your aunt's pet. (this is connected to #3)

These are such great ways to start off this year with.

But, may I suggest to everyone else to start it off with other BETTER ways.

The News that Stings . . .

Earthquakes. Tsunamis. DEATH.

Friends, let us all pray for the 80000+ people that died in South Asia due to the earthquake and tsunami attacks.

Pray also for the people who have survived.

THE Dentist Appointment.

I had an appointment with my dentist today and boy oh boy! did he have some news for me. The gum, where an "old" tooth (the whole story behind this gross thing is just way too long to tell and I'm not really up for going down memory lane, so I will just have to leave it at that) resided, is once again developing another cyst.

CYST.

It's one word and it scares the heck out of me. I remember the last time I had the first cyst in that gum. It evolved into an infection which led me to go to some type of gum doctor for him to remove the excruciatingly painful dot that has formed in my gums. I don't want to go through that again because I remember the pain that I felt, even with anesthetics, while the merciless doctor was removing the "pus" out of the spot. I don't want to feel that pain again, the pain that made me cry because it hurt so much.

(sorry for yet another gross story)

TRANSFER APPLICATIONS.

I started filling out trasfer applications for the following universities:

1. University of Washington
2. Seattle Pacific University
3. Seattle University

Again, I have two back-ups just in case UW does not accept me again.

I can't apply to schools that are 20 miles away from home because my mom is deadset on not wanting me to live in a dorm or an apartment. I have no idea why, but I'm guessing she fears that I might be one of those kids who MIGHT go off in the wrong direction if the parents are not present.

UPDATE (12-30-04 @ 1:55pm):

I was thinking about how I complained yesterday about the pain that I would feel if I go through another process of removing the cyst in my gums. I asked myself, "why am I complaining/struggling about such a small thing (that might not even happen) when people, who are an ocean away from me, are struggling to find ways to recuperate from the effects of the tsunamis and the earthquake."

*116,000 people, dead

It's all about Christmas. . .

I'm sorry for the lack of a better title; I slept at 4 in the morning and waking up at 11 in the morning doesn't quite make my brain function well.

Christmas this year. I don't know. Somehow it has a different feel from the other Christmases that I've spent here. Although it was sweet, it was very subtle and very short. If you look back at the other entries I wrote about Christmas, you would think that I was expecting to have a blast this year. I did have a blast, it's just that it's not THE "blast" I was expecting.

I know you can't expect too much from Christmas. You can't expect to receive gifts from anyone you gave gifts too, you can't expect anyone to be around when you call them up and you can't expect everyone to be so bright and positive after a midnight mass. In short, you can't expect everything to be so perfect on Christmas.

Jesus Christ was born in a manger. I believe that Mary and Joseph thought of a manger, as a not-so-perfect place for a blessed Child to be born into because it's cold and there are lots of bad elements roaming around. Yet, they stuck with it with all pride and smiles, because they knew that God wanted them to be there and that He was there to protect them.

I don't know if this write-up made sense at all. If it didn't, I'm sorry. What I'm just trying to get out of this is the feeling of being content to what I experienced last Christmas and for expecting too much from it, a feeling of guilt and torment in my head.

The Good and the Bad of this year's Christmas:

BAD - Compared to last year, we didn't take that many pictures. I think my camera only caught 8 shots and my aunt's camera only caught 4.

GOOD - The Coronels, the Reantasos, and the Pamuspusans shared a very happy and hearty meal together.

BAD - I felt sad because I didn't have my sister with me.

GOOD - At least, my cousin Inee was there to make fun of and Jan Jen came in too.

GOOD - The "white elephant" gift giving was fun. I ended up with a "Truth or Dare Jenga" toy, which was the "steal of the night".

GOOD - We had fun playing Jenga and laughed at how Tito Pete enjoyed mocking us during our turns.

BAD - Tita Elsa, Tito Pete's wife, was feeling a bit under the weather during our play time.

BAD - When we were at church, I felt sad again.

GOOD - While browsing through the misallette (is that how you spell it?), I saw my ex CRUSH! BWAHAHAHA!! He sat right in front of us!! BWAHAHAHA!!! I had a good view of him!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

BAD - Since I usually share my "moments" with my sister, I felt even more sad. I wished that she was there, so that she could've at least seen what my X-crush looked like. I remember last year, a cute guy sat right in front of us and the whole time my sister and I were observed and discreetly talked about him

GOOD - I shared my moment with my cousin Inee. It wasn't the same, but at least I had her to share it with. (BAD LIANE! Comparing people! BAD!!)

GOOD - The bread and the cocoa we had after mass.

BAD - I felt awkward at the way my cousins mocked the homily of the mass.

GOOD - I felt content with the one gift that I received during the gift opening part of our Christmas saga, since we were only doing "secret santas" for that part. But after the "secret santa", I received more gifts from other people in our family.


I think my siblings had some conspiracy planned against me:
"LET'S LEAVE LIANE! HAVE HER SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE WITH THE PARENTS THIS YEAR, WHILE WE PARTY AND GET DRUNK!"
So that's how my Christmas went.

Yesterday, I had a revelation on why I felt so weird/sad during Christmas time this year. But that's a different story for a different time.

I hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas this year.

HAVE A FUN (AND SAFE) NEW YEAR CELEBRATION!

I will be living vicariously through your moments of personally watching the fireworks go off at the stroke of midnight.

The THING I Hate Most about Vacations

I was sound asleep when my mom came barging in on me with the phone on her hand.

"LIANE! It's Marci from Dr. Allen's office"

WTF????

First things first, Dr. Allen is a dentist. Marci is Dr. Allen's receptionist aka. administrative assistant.

That dentist office have been trying to reach me for months now for my tooth cleaning. I didn't want to call them because for one, I hate going to the dentists nowadays because it's freakin' scary and second of all, it's freaking far! I hate walking from the Northgate Transit Center to go to 8th Ave,, that's like what?? 8 blocks? 9 blocks?? WHO KNOWS?? I don't count! I only count the huffiness and puffiness that I feel after I arrived the office, because it's so tiring!! and PLUS!! It's freaking cold!! It's December for crying out loud!!!

But I was cornered with that call. I should've turned off the line last night while they were sleeping. GRRR!!! I think I have to move my window shopping that I was suppose to do today to Wednesday.

Yeah I know, I'm gross and I'm a drama queen.

GRRR!!!!

Stephen King's "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft"

*I haven't figured out how to save images from the web with a Mac, so for now click on this link to view the image of the book.

I bought this book two months ago at a local bookstore. I promised myself that I would finish reading it in a week.

It actually took me two and a half months to finish reading it.

I recommend this book to writers and non-writers alike. For writers, it will give you more writing lessons. For non-writers, it might just spark up a light that might cause you to start thinking about writing.

Here are a few quotable words King wrote and my takes on it:

*I bet you could do better. Write one on your own.
- Stephen's mom to Stephen.

This was King's mom advice to him when she read his copied work of a science fiction comic book or novel (I can't remember what it was) in his early days. It is the best advice a beginning writer could ever get and I think it is the best advice that people, who loves to copy other people's work, should hear.

*Four stories. A quarter apiece. That was the first buck I made in this business.

If I do decide to write a book, whatever type of book it may be, I wonder how much money I will make. Or even a much more contemplative thought, I wonder if anybody who's anybody will read my book.

*There is no Idea Dump, no Story Central, no Island of the Buried Bestsellers; good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowwhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky.

True notion spoken by a best selling novelist. I for one have experience have experience such, I just can't remember when I experienced it.

*When you write a story, you're telling yourself the story. When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story. (47)

I learned this lesson from the writing class that I took when I was a senior in high school. It's funny because I haven't quite grasp to full meaning of this lesson, yet.

*Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open. You stuff starts out being just for you, in other words, but then it goes out. Once you know what the story is and get it right--at right as you can, anyway-- it belongs to anyone who wants to read it. Or criticize it. If you're very lucky, more will want to do the former than the latter.

I write with the door close, I also rewrite with the door close. Does that work as well? I don't know. King is not here to answer me.

*Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. they don't have to make speeches. Just believing is usually enough. (65)

One of my friends admire my writing skills. She even coined me as the "writer" of the group. I don't know if I should agree with her or not, but then again, I didn't protest on her idea of coining me as a writer, so I guess I like being coined as a writer.Did that made sense at all?

*The most important is that the writer's original perception of a character or characters may be as erroneous as the reader's. Running a close second was the realization that stopping a piece of work just because it's hard, either emotionally or imaginatively, is a bad idea.

I once thought that it would be a great idea to write a book about my eternal dramatic battle with my heart. I started writing bits on pieces of yellow paper. But then I decided it wasn't really a good idea to write about it, because who on earth would like to read a book about a person's struggle with her heart?

*Sometimes you have to go on when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you're doing good work when it feels like all you're managing is to shovel shit from a sitting position.

I struggled writing the major research paper that was required for the writing class I took last quarter. I struggled in composing a 2200 word essay in 3 days. I got frustrated and felt like giving up. But, I couldn't, because for one that essay could make or break my grade for that class. Secondly, I didn't want to quit for the reason that I was having a hard time overanalyzing every sentence I wrote.

*If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write.

I guess I should start reading books if I ever want to be a good writer.

*Talent renders the whole idea of rehearsal meaningless; when you find something at which you are talented, you do it (whatever it is) until your fingers bleed or your eyes are read to fall out of your head. Even when no one is listening (or reading, or watching), every outing is a bravura performance, because you as the creator are happy. Perhaps even ecstatic. (145)

I created a website out of HTML coding. I have an art page where I showcase all the photographs I took and edited. I have a blog that is full of anally (is that a word?) written entries.

A day in my life is not complete without me doing something with my computer.

Yes, I am a computer freak. Yes, I burn my eyes out in front of the computer. Yes, I waste time doing what I think I'm talented at. I don't get much credit for it, but I'm happy. I am A-O-K with what I do.... in front of my computer.

So there you have it folks. A glimpse on what King talked about in this book and also a glimpse of my life that you just can't get enough of (har har har).

Merry Christmas Y'all!!!

Hope you all had a great time spending this blessed holiday with your family and friends!


-- Liane

no siblings in close proximity

I remember saying these words to my sister, Lee, last summer:

"Wag ka na malungkot, me papalit naman sakin e, you just have to wait a few more months and dadating na rin si Ate Leah". (Don't be sad, Ate Leah will be here on Christmas)

This was me trying to comfort her for she was sad that I was about to fly back to Seattle after 3 months of fun-filled vacation.

She retorted:

"Gaga! Hindi ako malungkot kasi aalis ka na, malungkot ako kasi wala na naman akong kapatid na malapit". (I'm not sad because you're going, I'm sad because I have no siblings that are close in proximity)

Her words hit a nerve in me, but in my usual "i don't want to cry in front of a family member" schpill, I fought back the tears by jabbing her the words, "ang drama mo ate!".

In my previous entry, I talked about my other sister, Leah, spending Christmas back in the PI with my brother, John and my sister, Lee. That leaves me here in Seattle, all alone. In fact, this is the first Christmas that I will be celebrating without any siblings in sight. Technically, I'm not alone, I have my mom and my dad with me and also my aunt and my cousins. But it's different without any siblings in sight.

Anyway, I guess I am now feeling what my sister, Lee, was feeling before I left for Seattle last summer.

I texted her today, I told her, "Now I know what you mean by having no siblings in close proximity".

She replied, "HAHA, did you like the scarves?"

She was referring to the scarves that my dad brought from the PI.

Chocolates make me hyper and awake . . .

If one is on a break, aren't they entitled to catch up with their sleep, which means one can actually sleep at 10 pm instead of 2 am?

I'm on a break, a Christmas break. It's 2am in the morning and I'm still wide awake. I don't know if it's the Hershey's or my biological clock, which is programmed to sleep at 3 am in the morning during school days, that's keeping me awake at this ungodly hour. The worst part about not being able to sleep is I don't know what to do. I'm not in the mood to finish reading Stephen King's On Writing nor am I in the mood for watching, yet again, another round of seasons 1-3 of Sex and the City. I'm telling you this kind of problem screws the heck out of my brain. It's driving me nuts.

I want someone to talk to, but what person that lives in this city is awake at this hour? I'm tempted to call my friends in the PI, but I'm not up for another sermon coming from my mom regarding phone bills gone a wry.

Seriously, this illness is driving me insane.

On to another subject, there are 4 more days to go before Christmas. I envy my eldest sister, Leah, because she gets to go back to the PI to celebrate Christmas with my other sister, Lee, and my brother, John. Christmas in the PI, I miss it: the simbang gabi, the cold wind that touches your skin, the smell of bibingka and the caroling. I miss it. Although Christmas here in Seattle isn't so bad at all, it really doesn't compare to the 14 years of Christmas I spent in the PI. It's just different. I think Christmas there is much more festive than it is here. Or maybe I'm just being biased. Anyway, I'm just glad that for the first time I'm spending Christmas here without the feeling of not wanting to be here swimming around my head.


Merry Christmas y'all!!

.::. paparrazi.::.

Check out my DeviantArt page, I did some updates on it.