The News that Stings . . .

Earthquakes. Tsunamis. DEATH.

Friends, let us all pray for the 80000+ people that died in South Asia due to the earthquake and tsunami attacks.

Pray also for the people who have survived.

THE Dentist Appointment.

I had an appointment with my dentist today and boy oh boy! did he have some news for me. The gum, where an "old" tooth (the whole story behind this gross thing is just way too long to tell and I'm not really up for going down memory lane, so I will just have to leave it at that) resided, is once again developing another cyst.

CYST.

It's one word and it scares the heck out of me. I remember the last time I had the first cyst in that gum. It evolved into an infection which led me to go to some type of gum doctor for him to remove the excruciatingly painful dot that has formed in my gums. I don't want to go through that again because I remember the pain that I felt, even with anesthetics, while the merciless doctor was removing the "pus" out of the spot. I don't want to feel that pain again, the pain that made me cry because it hurt so much.

(sorry for yet another gross story)

TRANSFER APPLICATIONS.

I started filling out trasfer applications for the following universities:

1. University of Washington
2. Seattle Pacific University
3. Seattle University

Again, I have two back-ups just in case UW does not accept me again.

I can't apply to schools that are 20 miles away from home because my mom is deadset on not wanting me to live in a dorm or an apartment. I have no idea why, but I'm guessing she fears that I might be one of those kids who MIGHT go off in the wrong direction if the parents are not present.

UPDATE (12-30-04 @ 1:55pm):

I was thinking about how I complained yesterday about the pain that I would feel if I go through another process of removing the cyst in my gums. I asked myself, "why am I complaining/struggling about such a small thing (that might not even happen) when people, who are an ocean away from me, are struggling to find ways to recuperate from the effects of the tsunamis and the earthquake."

*116,000 people, dead

It's all about Christmas. . .

I'm sorry for the lack of a better title; I slept at 4 in the morning and waking up at 11 in the morning doesn't quite make my brain function well.

Christmas this year. I don't know. Somehow it has a different feel from the other Christmases that I've spent here. Although it was sweet, it was very subtle and very short. If you look back at the other entries I wrote about Christmas, you would think that I was expecting to have a blast this year. I did have a blast, it's just that it's not THE "blast" I was expecting.

I know you can't expect too much from Christmas. You can't expect to receive gifts from anyone you gave gifts too, you can't expect anyone to be around when you call them up and you can't expect everyone to be so bright and positive after a midnight mass. In short, you can't expect everything to be so perfect on Christmas.

Jesus Christ was born in a manger. I believe that Mary and Joseph thought of a manger, as a not-so-perfect place for a blessed Child to be born into because it's cold and there are lots of bad elements roaming around. Yet, they stuck with it with all pride and smiles, because they knew that God wanted them to be there and that He was there to protect them.

I don't know if this write-up made sense at all. If it didn't, I'm sorry. What I'm just trying to get out of this is the feeling of being content to what I experienced last Christmas and for expecting too much from it, a feeling of guilt and torment in my head.

The Good and the Bad of this year's Christmas:

BAD - Compared to last year, we didn't take that many pictures. I think my camera only caught 8 shots and my aunt's camera only caught 4.

GOOD - The Coronels, the Reantasos, and the Pamuspusans shared a very happy and hearty meal together.

BAD - I felt sad because I didn't have my sister with me.

GOOD - At least, my cousin Inee was there to make fun of and Jan Jen came in too.

GOOD - The "white elephant" gift giving was fun. I ended up with a "Truth or Dare Jenga" toy, which was the "steal of the night".

GOOD - We had fun playing Jenga and laughed at how Tito Pete enjoyed mocking us during our turns.

BAD - Tita Elsa, Tito Pete's wife, was feeling a bit under the weather during our play time.

BAD - When we were at church, I felt sad again.

GOOD - While browsing through the misallette (is that how you spell it?), I saw my ex CRUSH! BWAHAHAHA!! He sat right in front of us!! BWAHAHAHA!!! I had a good view of him!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

BAD - Since I usually share my "moments" with my sister, I felt even more sad. I wished that she was there, so that she could've at least seen what my X-crush looked like. I remember last year, a cute guy sat right in front of us and the whole time my sister and I were observed and discreetly talked about him

GOOD - I shared my moment with my cousin Inee. It wasn't the same, but at least I had her to share it with. (BAD LIANE! Comparing people! BAD!!)

GOOD - The bread and the cocoa we had after mass.

BAD - I felt awkward at the way my cousins mocked the homily of the mass.

GOOD - I felt content with the one gift that I received during the gift opening part of our Christmas saga, since we were only doing "secret santas" for that part. But after the "secret santa", I received more gifts from other people in our family.


I think my siblings had some conspiracy planned against me:
"LET'S LEAVE LIANE! HAVE HER SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE WITH THE PARENTS THIS YEAR, WHILE WE PARTY AND GET DRUNK!"
So that's how my Christmas went.

Yesterday, I had a revelation on why I felt so weird/sad during Christmas time this year. But that's a different story for a different time.

I hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas this year.

HAVE A FUN (AND SAFE) NEW YEAR CELEBRATION!

I will be living vicariously through your moments of personally watching the fireworks go off at the stroke of midnight.

The THING I Hate Most about Vacations

I was sound asleep when my mom came barging in on me with the phone on her hand.

"LIANE! It's Marci from Dr. Allen's office"

WTF????

First things first, Dr. Allen is a dentist. Marci is Dr. Allen's receptionist aka. administrative assistant.

That dentist office have been trying to reach me for months now for my tooth cleaning. I didn't want to call them because for one, I hate going to the dentists nowadays because it's freakin' scary and second of all, it's freaking far! I hate walking from the Northgate Transit Center to go to 8th Ave,, that's like what?? 8 blocks? 9 blocks?? WHO KNOWS?? I don't count! I only count the huffiness and puffiness that I feel after I arrived the office, because it's so tiring!! and PLUS!! It's freaking cold!! It's December for crying out loud!!!

But I was cornered with that call. I should've turned off the line last night while they were sleeping. GRRR!!! I think I have to move my window shopping that I was suppose to do today to Wednesday.

Yeah I know, I'm gross and I'm a drama queen.

GRRR!!!!

Stephen King's "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft"

*I haven't figured out how to save images from the web with a Mac, so for now click on this link to view the image of the book.

I bought this book two months ago at a local bookstore. I promised myself that I would finish reading it in a week.

It actually took me two and a half months to finish reading it.

I recommend this book to writers and non-writers alike. For writers, it will give you more writing lessons. For non-writers, it might just spark up a light that might cause you to start thinking about writing.

Here are a few quotable words King wrote and my takes on it:

*I bet you could do better. Write one on your own.
- Stephen's mom to Stephen.

This was King's mom advice to him when she read his copied work of a science fiction comic book or novel (I can't remember what it was) in his early days. It is the best advice a beginning writer could ever get and I think it is the best advice that people, who loves to copy other people's work, should hear.

*Four stories. A quarter apiece. That was the first buck I made in this business.

If I do decide to write a book, whatever type of book it may be, I wonder how much money I will make. Or even a much more contemplative thought, I wonder if anybody who's anybody will read my book.

*There is no Idea Dump, no Story Central, no Island of the Buried Bestsellers; good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowwhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky.

True notion spoken by a best selling novelist. I for one have experience have experience such, I just can't remember when I experienced it.

*When you write a story, you're telling yourself the story. When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story. (47)

I learned this lesson from the writing class that I took when I was a senior in high school. It's funny because I haven't quite grasp to full meaning of this lesson, yet.

*Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open. You stuff starts out being just for you, in other words, but then it goes out. Once you know what the story is and get it right--at right as you can, anyway-- it belongs to anyone who wants to read it. Or criticize it. If you're very lucky, more will want to do the former than the latter.

I write with the door close, I also rewrite with the door close. Does that work as well? I don't know. King is not here to answer me.

*Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. they don't have to make speeches. Just believing is usually enough. (65)

One of my friends admire my writing skills. She even coined me as the "writer" of the group. I don't know if I should agree with her or not, but then again, I didn't protest on her idea of coining me as a writer, so I guess I like being coined as a writer.Did that made sense at all?

*The most important is that the writer's original perception of a character or characters may be as erroneous as the reader's. Running a close second was the realization that stopping a piece of work just because it's hard, either emotionally or imaginatively, is a bad idea.

I once thought that it would be a great idea to write a book about my eternal dramatic battle with my heart. I started writing bits on pieces of yellow paper. But then I decided it wasn't really a good idea to write about it, because who on earth would like to read a book about a person's struggle with her heart?

*Sometimes you have to go on when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you're doing good work when it feels like all you're managing is to shovel shit from a sitting position.

I struggled writing the major research paper that was required for the writing class I took last quarter. I struggled in composing a 2200 word essay in 3 days. I got frustrated and felt like giving up. But, I couldn't, because for one that essay could make or break my grade for that class. Secondly, I didn't want to quit for the reason that I was having a hard time overanalyzing every sentence I wrote.

*If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write.

I guess I should start reading books if I ever want to be a good writer.

*Talent renders the whole idea of rehearsal meaningless; when you find something at which you are talented, you do it (whatever it is) until your fingers bleed or your eyes are read to fall out of your head. Even when no one is listening (or reading, or watching), every outing is a bravura performance, because you as the creator are happy. Perhaps even ecstatic. (145)

I created a website out of HTML coding. I have an art page where I showcase all the photographs I took and edited. I have a blog that is full of anally (is that a word?) written entries.

A day in my life is not complete without me doing something with my computer.

Yes, I am a computer freak. Yes, I burn my eyes out in front of the computer. Yes, I waste time doing what I think I'm talented at. I don't get much credit for it, but I'm happy. I am A-O-K with what I do.... in front of my computer.

So there you have it folks. A glimpse on what King talked about in this book and also a glimpse of my life that you just can't get enough of (har har har).

Merry Christmas Y'all!!!

Hope you all had a great time spending this blessed holiday with your family and friends!


-- Liane

no siblings in close proximity

I remember saying these words to my sister, Lee, last summer:

"Wag ka na malungkot, me papalit naman sakin e, you just have to wait a few more months and dadating na rin si Ate Leah". (Don't be sad, Ate Leah will be here on Christmas)

This was me trying to comfort her for she was sad that I was about to fly back to Seattle after 3 months of fun-filled vacation.

She retorted:

"Gaga! Hindi ako malungkot kasi aalis ka na, malungkot ako kasi wala na naman akong kapatid na malapit". (I'm not sad because you're going, I'm sad because I have no siblings that are close in proximity)

Her words hit a nerve in me, but in my usual "i don't want to cry in front of a family member" schpill, I fought back the tears by jabbing her the words, "ang drama mo ate!".

In my previous entry, I talked about my other sister, Leah, spending Christmas back in the PI with my brother, John and my sister, Lee. That leaves me here in Seattle, all alone. In fact, this is the first Christmas that I will be celebrating without any siblings in sight. Technically, I'm not alone, I have my mom and my dad with me and also my aunt and my cousins. But it's different without any siblings in sight.

Anyway, I guess I am now feeling what my sister, Lee, was feeling before I left for Seattle last summer.

I texted her today, I told her, "Now I know what you mean by having no siblings in close proximity".

She replied, "HAHA, did you like the scarves?"

She was referring to the scarves that my dad brought from the PI.

Chocolates make me hyper and awake . . .

If one is on a break, aren't they entitled to catch up with their sleep, which means one can actually sleep at 10 pm instead of 2 am?

I'm on a break, a Christmas break. It's 2am in the morning and I'm still wide awake. I don't know if it's the Hershey's or my biological clock, which is programmed to sleep at 3 am in the morning during school days, that's keeping me awake at this ungodly hour. The worst part about not being able to sleep is I don't know what to do. I'm not in the mood to finish reading Stephen King's On Writing nor am I in the mood for watching, yet again, another round of seasons 1-3 of Sex and the City. I'm telling you this kind of problem screws the heck out of my brain. It's driving me nuts.

I want someone to talk to, but what person that lives in this city is awake at this hour? I'm tempted to call my friends in the PI, but I'm not up for another sermon coming from my mom regarding phone bills gone a wry.

Seriously, this illness is driving me insane.

On to another subject, there are 4 more days to go before Christmas. I envy my eldest sister, Leah, because she gets to go back to the PI to celebrate Christmas with my other sister, Lee, and my brother, John. Christmas in the PI, I miss it: the simbang gabi, the cold wind that touches your skin, the smell of bibingka and the caroling. I miss it. Although Christmas here in Seattle isn't so bad at all, it really doesn't compare to the 14 years of Christmas I spent in the PI. It's just different. I think Christmas there is much more festive than it is here. Or maybe I'm just being biased. Anyway, I'm just glad that for the first time I'm spending Christmas here without the feeling of not wanting to be here swimming around my head.


Merry Christmas y'all!!

.::. paparrazi.::.

Check out my DeviantArt page, I did some updates on it.

It's time for my CLUB to SHINE . . . .

.::. ASIAN PACIFIC ISLANDER CLUB .::.

Our mission is to raise our own ethnic awareness while forming strong bonds among Asian Pacific Islanders while also welcoming the community.

Our objectives are to learn about different Asian Pacific American cultures, be involve in community services and most of all the three Fs: having FUN, making FRIENDS, and eating FOOD.

The last three months of hunting for community services that our club could participate in, paid off last Friday, when our club got ask to participate in two community outreach opportunities. The first one was delivering toys for the kids at the Child Haven center, located in Broadway, Downtown Seattle. The second one was singing Christmas carols to the senior folks at the FOSS Home located in Greenwood, Seattle.

We learned a lot by just delivering toys at the Child Haven center, we were toured around their facility to see the kids, ages 0 mos to 5 years old, play in their own assigned rooms. We learned that these kids came from broken homes, from parents who were reeling from drug addiction or alcohol addiction and from orphanages. We learned that the center brought these kids to their facility so that they could provide them with therapeutic and emotional needs that are not met by their caregivers at home. Too bad we couldn't play with the kids, the guide says that they didn't want to break the kids' routine schedule.

We had so much fun singing to the folks at FOSS home. It really felt good to serve these senior folks some entertainment that they deserve. And it really boosted our Christmas spirit high up in the air. Although we didn't practice singing the Christmas songs that much, we came through and had fun. Good times.




[pictures are linked to bigger pictures, so you can click them if they look blurry to you.]

I Contradict Myself . . . .

I'm an 18 year-old feline female who loves to talk about life,music and photography. I currently reside in Seattle, Washington where rain pours almost three-quarters of the year. I'm currently contemplating on whether or not Biochemistry is the right major for me. I try to feel the vibe in a new realm first before I let my personality out. People tend to judge me as a bi-atch when they first see me, cause my eyes are just too impressionable. I rarely smile, don't ask me why, I think it's in my nature already. If you got a problem with me, do not go around telling people that you think I'm the bitchiest girl living in this planet, instead, go around and TELL ME. I tend to be a straight-forward person because I'm not into playing "plastic" with people. I'm a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend and a worst enemy.


Analyze the bolded words in the above description crap I wrote for myself in my blogger profile. If you know me VERY well, then you will most likely be agreeing with those words. BUT, if you don't know me, you will most likely to say that I'm a "poker face" person or better yet, I'm the most "hypocrite" person in this world.

I just realized yesterday that I contradict myself. It was an epiphany that I realize while I was talking to my friend at 5 am in the morning. I pose two faces to people around me. I tend to be a tad bitchy to people whom I've known for quite a while, but I tend to be a tad polite to people whom I've only known for months. It's crazy. I shouldn't be like that, right? I KNOW, I should not be like that.

So I guess I have to take the challenge that my friend imposed on me earlier today, he said, "how about telling people how you really feel, instead of keeping it to yourself. don't be a plastic". I told him that I will... that I will TRY my best, I will try my best not to be a plastic to new people.

it's a birthday greeting..

Happy Birthday to my two good friends:


Grai - enjoy your debut... I wish I could be there.. huhuhuhu... anyway, enjoy it.. be a princess.. be sexy... happy birthday!!


Noel - Merry Christmas.. :D... kain mo ko sa party mo, tsaka inum mo na rin ako.. hehehehe.. stay cool and fun..



If late nyo na 'tong nabasa.. BELATED na lang.. alabyu!! muah!

Solve this Calculus problem.

A plane flying horizontally at 500 mi/h with an altitude of 1 mi above the ground passes over a point on the ground. Find the rate at which the distance of the plane is increasing when it is 2 miles away from the point.


This was one of the questions asked in our Math final test that was held earlier today. For some reasons I didn't know how to handle this problem, hence, I ended up writing the wrong answer. GRRR!!

I pose this problem to y'all Math whiz and Math enthusiasts out there. Answer the question in bold and if you can, please post your answer in my comment box. I really want to know what the REAL answer for this story problem is.

ATTN: Readers

To all the readers and passerbies of this blog:

Read this pathetic post first to get the background of this computer plugging entry.

If any of you or anyone you know is planning to buy a relatively new desktop computer, email me at liane222@msn.com or liane_14_00@yahoo.com. I'm currently selling my Dell Dimension 2400 Desktop.

Here are some of the important specs:

40 GB of Hard Drive - 12 GB are already filled with the programs that came with it and also some of the programs that I installed in it

256 MB of RAM

2.4 GHz of Intel Celeron processor

Combo Drive - CD-RW/DVD

3.5 Floppy Disk

Netgear Network Wireless Card

It has a 3-year limited warranty covered by Dell. I bought it last September of 2003, so warranty is now at 2 years and its relatively new.

PLS. PLS. if anyone of you knows anybody who lives around Seattle Area, who's thinking about buying a relatively new but used computer, EMAIL ME!!

THANKS...

Feeling a bit crazy

Yesterday, I made an impulsive decision to buy the Ibook G4 that I've been eyeing since God knows when. It's weird because instead of me being happy and cheery about it, I'm going crazy over the fact that my family will look down on me and say, "Gee, Liane, another impulsive buy, when will you ever learn?".

It wasn't exactly an impulsive buy, I was already researching and canvassing about what laptop computer to buy since late October. As for my desktop computer, I was planning to sell it.... before I buy my laptop computer.

But I haven't sold my desktop computer yet, insert "impulsive buyer" insult here. Yes, that's where "I'm an impulsive buyer" insult to myself comes in.

When will I ever learn not to make hasty decisions? When will I ever learn to *fcukin' prioritize?

I'm going CRAZY.. CRAZY.. CRAZY..

UPDATE (12-13, 2:47 am):

I still feel bad about this whole "buying a laptop" issue. I just had a rude awakening when I was talking to my friend. She bluntly asked me why did I even bought the laptop already when I haven't even sold my desktop pc yet. It was a real stab in the heart when I saw those words popped out of our messenger window. Don't get me wrong here, I didn't take her question in an offensive way. I just got taken a back by the fact that she was right about her question, even though it was only a question. Why did I even buy a laptop when I haven't even sold my desktop pc yet? Why?

This is actually more than the computer buying itself. It's more of me downing myself for being so impulsive/compulsive or can I say OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE? I thought I planned this whole decision thing thoroughly. I thought I had all the factors covered. I even dragged my sister with me to the Apple store to ask the question that I myself have forgotten to ask. I guess research, asking people about what's good and what's bad about a MAC, canvassing, and reading all the pros and cons about a MAC computer in the internet isn't quite enough to make the decision.

Ironically, I myself don't like impulsive buying. I always get annoyed when my mom buys way too much noodles or cereals. I always get annoyed when I hear that my sister asks my other sister or my mom to buy stuff for her kids, stuff that I KNOW FOR A FACT that her kids already own. I guess being an OC runs in the family. But I don't want to be an impulsive-compulsive buyer. I want to be a person who can make decisions that will go without hitches or flaws. We all know that decisions are a big part of our lives. It can either break us or make us. I wish that our school had a class that teaches the right way to make decisions. But I wonder, right at this very moment, is there such thing as "the right way to make decisions"?


PATHETIC PLUGGING:

I beg y'all, if you know anyone who lives in Seattle who desperately needs a relatively new computer, email me @ liane_14_00@yahoo.com or liane222@msn.com

Comfort Zones

There's a ton of people, places, things, or events that we all take comfort into: riding a bus, shopping, going into bookstores, playing with your computer, being with a loved one... I could go on and on with this list. So instead of blabbing on and on about what we all might think of as a comfort zone, I will blab about MY OWN comfort zones.

1. Bookstores

There's something about being in a bookstore. I can't fully describe it well. You know the feeling that once you enter a place, you feel like you're at home? Well, that's kind of what I feel when I enter a bookstore. I find myself wanting to read every synopsis of all the books stack together in a pile or the ones spreaded out on the stands.

The ironic thing about this comfort zone, however, is that I'm not an avid reader. I read once in a while, but only if the very first chapter of the book caught my attention or if it is a book that I really really wanted to read. But still, even if I'm not a book worm, bookstores still give me the feeling of being at home.

Favorite Bookstores: Barnes and Noble AND Half-Price Bookstore.

2. My Room

No matter how messy or clean (this rarely happens) it could get, I still find myself wanting to hang out in my room everytime I'm at home. My mom or my aunt would always have to drag me out whenever visitors are present. It's kind of like my mini abode. It's got everything in it, except for a TV. Whenever you go and visit me in my room, there's a big possibility that you will catch me using the computer or listening to music while doing homework. I do everything in this room. I eat, I sleep (DUHH!), and I study in it.

3. STARBUCKS

Who doesn't love Starbucks? You can do your work, your homework, you can chat with friends, read newspapers, and play with your computer in that place. You don't even have to buy coffee! Everyone who's a Starbucks lover would agree with me on this: the coffee aroma that you smell once you enter the store will make you want to stay in and possibly buy a cup of joe.

Whenever I'm in Starbucks, I always find myself buying a tall, decaf, toffee nut latte when I feel chilly or a tall, toffee nut frappucino when I feel hot. Good times.


.::. What are your comfort zones? .::.

I came across with someone..

Remember the story that I was telling you guys about my bus guy? Well, I met him personally today during the Filipino-American class potluck. Strangely, my "infatuation" towards him didn't really matter to me anymore. Wala na yung appeal nya sakin, I don't know why. Maybe because he shaved his beard! HEHEHE.. I think the beard was the main reason why I liked him in the first place. He was hotter when he had it (I'm such a weirdo.. hehehehe..). Anyway, my friends were all teasing me while we're all eating. One friend asked me, "when are you gonna make your move?" I answered, "maybe in the next century or so".

I chicken out when it comes to talking to guys that I like or even talking to people who I don't really know personally. I'm not innately gifted with the "socially outgoing" personality. I'm more of a "if-you-want-to-talk-to-me-then-come-sit-next-to-me" (I didn't mean that in an egotistical manner, by the way).

Anyway, I think that that will be the last time that I will see him. But who knows? He might join our club! I heard that he was still interested in joining it. Hay nako, ako talga, masyadong high ang expectations, kaya ako natrotrouble e!

Hot guys are a big distraction to me .. hehehehe..

Download this: Vertigo by U2

I'm getting Married

(WARNING: People who find the whole idea of "ideal guy" B.S. should hit the "BACK" button or arrow of their browser or better yet the X button of their browser. When you do such you will save yourselves from the trauma of reading through a VERY idealistic post. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.)

I hate being mushy/sentimental/emotional these days. I have a tendency to puke over all things mushy and sometimes I'm not up for "boy talk" with my friends (sorry guys, if y'all are reading this). I don't know, I guess the whole idea of love has gone way over my head that I didn't even notice it. I guess the last 3 and a half years of "non-sensible" hoping has made my heart and my mind vulnerable to being stone deaf when it comes to the matters of love. But as you can see from the words of idealism below, it ain't completely stoned.

I'm getting married to a guy who stands by me through thick and thin.
I'm getting married to a guy who cooks hearty meals three times a day.
I'm getting married to a guy who loves his family more than anything in the world.
I'm getting married to a guy who believes and walks with God.
I'm getting married to a guy who brings me back on track with my life.
I'm getting married to a guy who is not narrow minded.
I'm getting married to a guy who can completely accept a full blown frankness from me.
I'm getting married to a guy who loves to go shopping with me.
I'm getting married to a guy that is persevered and determined to work his way through life.
I'm getting married to a guy who makes me laugh so hard that it makes my stomach hurt.
I'm getting married to a guy who is tall, dark, and handsome (or tall, mestizo and handsome).
I'm getting married to a guy who loves kids and doesn't mind the idea of having one of his own.
I'm getting married to a guy who will listen to me while I grudgingly/boringly narrate stories.
I'm getting married to a guy who will accept my boring and quiet nature.
I'm getting married to a guy who will help me clean up my mess.
I'm getting married to a guy who is sensitive but not overly sensitive.
I'm getting married to a guy who will "bear hug" me from my back.
I'm getting married to a guy who treats my friends as his friends.
I'm getting married to a guy who sarcastic enough to argue with me.
I'm getting married to a guy who loves my melodramatic tones.
I'm getting married to a guy who is patient enough to deal with my mood swings.

But this is just me fantasizing. I know that there's no such thing as an ideal guy. I know that there's no perfect guy out there. But it doesn't hurt to imagine and it doesn't hurt to hope that maybe there's someone out there for me who will closely be fall into my ideal guy illusions.

Sorry if I put you guys through reading this uninhibited post.

Isn't IT?

Isn't it ironic that most people worry about the most mundane things such as "what to wear to school the next day" or "what grade we will have on an exam" while other people on the other side of the world worry about "what they will eat" or "when they will get their next paycheck" or "THEIR POSSESSIONS MIGHT GET FLOODED BECAUSE OF THE STORM AND TYPHOON THAT CAME TO BASH THEIR CITY?"

I took my 2nd midterm for Calculus yesterday and I will tell you this: I was so frustrated by the fact that I couldn't answer a simple optimization story problem that I almost cried. Don't get me wrong here, I did study this time. Well, if you consider looking through the solutions manual of how an optimization problem is solved, studying. I don't want to go to my Math class today because I'm scared of knowing what score I will have for that test I took. I'm worried because I might cry over a failed score in front of my classmates.

You see what I mean by mundane things? I'm worrying about my Math class in this country while people from my home country are crying about their houses being destroyed by the typhoon, as well as, crying over their dead relatives that died during the storm depression.

UPDATE (10:34 am) : I received my 2nd Math midterm grade today. I'm happy because I did better than my first midterm. To make things hilarious for you: I'm .1 above the passing grade for that test. GO FIGURE.

Christmas in Seattle

The day before Christmas is when the family gets together at 6 in the evening to eat the Christmas Dinner prepared by my aunt.

A dinner that consists of prime rib as the main dish and mashed potatoes, corn, and mushrooms as the side dishes.

The dinner usually ends up in bickering because of the YUMMYLICIOUS desserts that Tita Elsa makes.

My cousin Inee and I ALWAYS fight over the corners of the cassava cake. The corners are better tasting than the middle ones.

After dinner, we all bum around either in the dining room or in the living room to either bicker some more or chat or gang up on Kuya Eric.

We go to the 10 pm mass either in St. Pious or in St. Mark's.

After the mass, we go straight home to eat rolls of bread and drink hot cocoa or coffee.

While eating, we constantly check out the clock to see if it's already 12 am.

When 12 am strikes. The gifts will be passed out and opened.

After all the excitement happen from Christmas Eve till Christmas day, we go to my uncle's house to visit and share the spirit of Christmas.

(note to reader: this is my attempt in making a Christmas poem)

---------------------

My Christmas spirit this year is different from last year and the year before that. I must say that it's comforting and at the same time exciting to know that my Christmas spirit is on high grounds this year. I literally can't explain to myself how joyous I feel whenever I see Christmas decorations in the mall or in people's houses or how excited I feel whenever I hear Christmas songs play on the radio.

All I want for Christmas is ... (Version 2)

1. APPLE IBook G4 -- I wonder if someone is willing to pay $999 just to give me this.

2. Power Book G4 -- Or $1600?? Any takers?

3. IPOD Mini Blue -- I want IT! I want to HAVE THIS!!

4. The OC Mix 1 and Mix 2 CD -- ok, for $11 a CD, can anyone buy this for me?? PLEASE??

5. Any Adobe Photoshop Software -- It's for my "hobby" of taking pictures

Here's what I want this world to have for Christmas:

PEACE and UNITY

Merry Christmas, y'all!

photos provided by: amazon.com & apple.com

BIG MAN and CLOSE-TO-PERFECT MAN

While watching the season 2 DVD of Sex and the City again , I was observing what kind of a boyfriend Mr. Big is to Carrie. He never fails to make me smile (or make me think for that matter) that whenever he does something cutesy or arrogant or child-like, he reminds me of someone I knew. Someone who I used to date. Anyway, I won't go into further details about the guy. But seriously, whenever I look at Big and how he acts around as a boyfriend to Carrie, he just reminds me of that ex-guy I once had. Wow, now I can say, "I already had a Mr. Big," during those 1 out of 10 conversations that my friends and I will have about SATC.


Mr. Big
Now, I'm just waiting for my "Mr. Aidan Shaw", the close-to-perfect man.


Carrie and Aidan

If you guys want some background about these "men" I suggest you read this entry written by Ala Paredes. She gives a brief information about them and also about the main characters of the show. I'm too lazy to write about them here. Credits to ALA! If ever she stumbles upon this blog to read my entries.. hehe..

Random Acts of Rambling

In regards to what I said in my last entry about posting pictures from the API (Asia Pacific Islander Club) Thanksgiving potluck, I decided to post them on a much much later date, say after my Dec.14 MATH final? You see, I don't really have the determination to do a photojournal entry these days. In fact, if you look through my photo pages, you will see pages severely lacking current photos. I have tons of photos to edit and upload and I have no time to do it right now, because as you may well now, the next two weeks will be HELL weeks for me and I'm also preoccupied in researching pros and cons about a Mac computer.

But what I have time for to do right now is write. I dunno, I suddenly got the urge to do it after 4 days of neglecting to write a half-descent entry for this site. HMM.. the inspiration that Carrie Bradshaw gives to me, you see before typing this entry, I was watching the first six episodes of season 2 of Sex and the City. Get it? Get it? Carrie Bradshaw insipiring writing?? YEAHH.. I think you got it.

Anyway, I did something incredibly weird yesterday. I slept at 5:30 in the morning (Yes, I'm officially an insomniac). I went to bed at around 1:30 am, hoping and wishing that I could be sound asleep in a mere minute or so. But noooo... I was shifting from left and right 100 times. Consequently, I got fed up with the whole "shifting" so I stood up and positioned myself in front of my computer and surfed my way into blogsites and Friendster. Thankfully, my guy friends were online in YM to keep me company too.

Wow, sleeping at 5:30 in the morning brought back memories of the time when I was celebrating birthdays with my friends back in the PI last summer. Good times. Miss ko na sila.

By the way, do you guys dig the template revamp? I know I do.

See Yah.

Third Post for Today and I promise I'll stop after this

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! One more day of school. Gosh, I can't wait to have that Thanksgiving break. Seriously, I need it to be able to get back on track with my sleeping patterns. Lately, I've been sleeping REALLY late and by late I mean EARLY MORNING late. This kind of pattern ain't good for me, in fact, it affected me so much that I almost slept during a lecture given by my Chemistry teacher.

One more day Liane, just one more day.

Here's what I plan to do this Thanksgiving break:

Wednesday -

I'll be having a Thanksgiving potluck with my Asia Pacific Islander (API) club friends. The potluck will be held at our president's house, where all the karaoke nights and "just hanging out" nights happen. I'll bring my camera, so expect some pictures posted here some time soon.

I'll also have to work on a self-evaluation paper for the research paper that I wrote for my English 102 online class.

Thursday -

TURKEY DAY! Eck. No turkey for me please.

A little tidbit about me: I don't like roasted turkey because it's dry and well, it's just DRY! I don't like dried MEAT! DRIED MEAT BAD. JUICY MEAT GOOD.

I don't know if I'll be going to other people's house to stuff myself up with good food (well, Filipino foods mostly), nakakatamad kasi e.

Friday -

THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. You know what that means. Consumerism will once again plague this country. The day after Thanksgiving is the start of the Christmas season, hence, it is the time when people start their Christmas shopping. Malls will be packed, outlet stores' parking lots will be full, and the most important thing of all, CHRISTMAS songs will start playing over and over again.

With the consumerism plague affecting me, I am planning to go to University Village to take a peek at the APPLE store there. I'm currently in the process of making a decision in what laptop computer will replace my current desktop computer and in order for me to be able to choose between a Dell 1150 PC laptop and a MAC Ibook G4 12", I will have to go and spend some quality time with the Apple people bugging them to tell me or rather enumerate to me the reasons why I should get a MAC laptop instead of a PC laptop.

Saturday -

The day when I should start studying my ass off for the two midterms that I will be having on Tuesday (Chemistry) and Wednesday (Calculus) in the following week. I have to get a 3.0 or higher on these two midterms for me to be able to get my grades up for these two subjects. Remember the time when I ranted about how I failed my 1st midterm in math and my 2nd midterm in Chemistry? (pls. refer to other posts in the November archive) Well, those failed midterms caused a big slump in my GPA in both subjects, so I have to study to be able to see my GPA and ME dance like the "dancing baby".

This is also the day Janjen's little brother celebrates his first birthday, so I have to be
present there.

Sunday -

My aunt's Thanksgiving dinner will be happening on this day, I think. I'm not sure yet, because half the people in this family has to work on this day. Hmm.. I'm excited to eat mashed potatoes and prime rib, again. YUMMY.

That's it for now amigos. I have to finish my homework pa.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Clueless in Seattle

Why is it that everytime I expect something to happen, IT DOESN"T HAPPEN??!Seriously, something like that pisses me off, BIG TIME.

Blind Item #1

Did something bad happen between girl A and boy J? Girl B called me up and told me that girl A hasn't been answering her cellphone since yesterday morning. I tried calling girl A as well, and no answer. I wonder what has happen to her?

Blind Item #2

I talked to girl U yesterday, she had some problems in explaining a specific issue to certain people. I tried to help her out; I just don't know if my "help" helped her at all.

major camera whoring coming your way..

look outside!!

"When the Stars go Blue" by The Corrs feat. Bono

Here's the lyrics of the song that Tyler Hilton and Bethany Joy Lenz was singing from the last two episodes of One Tree Hill. It's actually originally sang by Ryan Adams and was remade by The Corrs (thank you Gail). I figured this would help the "hits" in my sitemeter who kept looking for the song lyrics under Tyler and Bethany. Long live SITEMETER. Enjoy. MUAH!

When The Stars Go Blue
by: The Corrs feat. Bono

lyrics provided by: letssingit

Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown
Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now?
Yeah(Bono)
Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue
Laughing with your pretty mouth
Laughing with your broken eyes
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby
Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars, when the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue, blue, blue
Stars go blue
When the stars go blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue, yeah
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you, I'll follow you, I'll follow you
I'll follow you, I'll follow you, yeah
Where do you go, yeah
Where do you go, Where do you go

On having a "hardcore" MAJOR and my 1st JOB interview experience

On one recent conversations that I had with my friend, Lin, she randomly asked me, "Liane, baket ba Biochem ang major mo? Bat hindi ka na lang mag veer towards the arts or computer science, since mahilig ka rin namang magcomputer tsaka mag webdesign tsaka magsulat," I quickly answered, "I don't think I would want to major in my hobby, tsaka isa pa, I like the challenge of studying hobbies on my own, pag me umextrang expert na magturo sakin, baka mawalan lang ako ng ganang gawing hobby pa".

What amazed me about that whole dialogue with her, was that her question didn't make me think twice about my Biochem major, in fact, I felt complacent enough to feel that Biochemistry IS the major for me.

But now, after two failed midterms from two MAJOR Biochem courses, I'm starting to contemplate on whether or not Biochem is the right major for me. Not that I haven't contemplated about it before, but today's contemplation is different. Today, it's a serious contemplation.

Speaking of my major, I find it interesting that whenever I say, "oh, I'm majoring in Biochemistry," people give out reactions such as a wince or an expression on their faces that says, "damn, girl, your in for a wild ride with that major". Everytime this happens, it makes me wonder why the heck people give such reactions and at the same time, I contemplate on whether or not I set myself up on a major that way over my league. Then again, ano bang course ang madali? Kahit naman anong major ang pasukan natin, we're always bound to go through challenges.

I honestly envy those people who are confident enough to stick with their chosen major. It makes me wonder what kind of inspiration or drive they have in them, for them to be able to stick by their major.

A year of college has passed for me. If I change my major, what will I replace it with? If I change my major, thousands of $$$ will be flush down the toilet. If I change my major, will I be happy? Truth of the matter is, I don't know the answers to the questions I posed above.

Maybe I'll just quit school and work.

Speaking of WORK, I had my very first JOB interview last Thursday. There's a big story behind this whole thing. So, if you care to know what it is, read on.

I received an email newsletter from the American Eagle Outfitters (A&E) last Monday regarding their current need of seasonal help. So, I took the opportunity to apply for them by asking my mom if she could get me an application from their store in Northgate Mall last Thursday. ---- I know it's unprofessional for me not to get the application myself, but can you blame me? I'm so stressed out last week and I didn't want to go to the mall because if I do, I'll be tempted to un-stress myself, because I will be buying stuff I don't need!! (ok, shameful excuses moment over)

ANYWAY...

So when I arrived at the house last Thursday (11/18) at around quarter to 1, my mom greeted me with the question, "Baket ngayon ka lang? I got the application from A&E and they informed me na meron silang group interview today at 3 pm." I was surprised and at the same time got MORE stressed out than ever before because I also had the final draft of my research paper for my English 102 online class due on that day as well.

As I was eating my lunch, I furiously went through the application answering the questions that I was suppose to answer. However, I had a hard time filling the "references" and "employment history" sections because due to my BAD BAD memory and the pressure that I was going through at that moment, I didn't know who I should write as my reference and I forgot the names and the phone numbers of the supervisors that I had when I was volunteering. I also got confused as to what to do, "do I go to A&E and risk not having to finish paper on time?" or "do I not go to Northgate and then wonder to myself that if I DID go through the interview, would I have a chance of getting the job?". As you may well know at this point, I went to A&E and I finished my final draft ON TIME. THANK GOD.

I didn't finish filling out the whole application because I was crunched on time. So I just went to the store and explained to the manager, who was the one that was going to interview the applicants, that I was crunched on time in filling out the application because I just learned about the whole group interview thing was going on that day at the last minute. Thankfully, he gave me a chance to give my application on a later time (I gave it yesterday, I know, UNPROFESSIONAL).

The interview went ok. It was basic questions like, "what do you do when you enter a room full of people that you didn't know" or "what motivates you in doing the work that your suppose to do" or "besides the money that you will earn, what is the most important thing that makes you wanna work for A&E". And to my surprise, I was not one bit nervous in answering the questions in front of other people that I did not know. It was all good.

So now, I'm just waiting for THE CALL. I'm not really expecting too much from it since it was my first interview gone a wry because of the whole application filling out issue.

Well, if that doesn't work out, then I'll go back to volunteering at the daycare center in Northwest Hospital. I haven't volunteered for almost a year now, so I told myself that I should get back on track with that since I'm applying for transfer to universities next year (you know how university admission officers can get very detail-y about your community work).

By the way, just so you guys know, CHRISTMAS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. I'll be posting my "wish" list AGAIN (refer to the month of OCTOBER entries in the archives) as soon as I get a hold of the pictures of the items I wishfully WANT.

Adios, mi amigos.

REMIND ME...

REMIND ME next time to NEVER EVER take a writing class ONLINE.

I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm frustrated, I'm frazzled, I'm anxious, I'm hyperventilating, and oh, did I mention I'm SCARED??

I just submitted the final draft of my research paper for my English 102 online class. It's worth 400 points and I'm scared because it's the first paper I've ever written that has not been checked by an "authority" figure for its flaws before it would be passed on to become JUDGED.

I'm scared. I really am. PRAY FOR ME. Please, I beg you, PRAY FOR ME.

Alternative Music Addiction caused by my Two Fave Shows

If you watch the OC and One Tree Hill, then you'll know what I'm talking about here OR if your a big fan of alternative/indie/emo music, then you will definitely know what I'm talking about here.

If you watch the OC and One Tree Hill, don't you just love the songs that they play when the show is about to end? It would either be a slow song, if the show's ending scenes consists of mushy moments or an upbeat song, if the show's ending is either a fight or a party. Before, I wasn't really into the whole indie/emo genre of music, but now I'm totally hooked!

I can vividly recall the very first time I got hook on indie/emo music. It was after this episode of One Tree Hill played Howie Day's "Collide" at the end scenes of the show. That song instantly got me hooked and ever since then, I always listen to the "end scenes" music of One Tree Hill. The OC, on the other hand, got me hooked when they played Jem's "Maybe I'm Amazed" at the end of the last episode of Season 1.

After being hooked and now, being obsessed, I constantly find myself listening to the YAHOO messenger "Adult Alternative" channel on their radio or surfing the net for any "free to listen" to music by any artists songs that was played in either show. I also find myself surfing for the list of songs that were played in both shows. HAAA..... such a dork. HEHE.. But hey, this is a nice alternative for me. I'm tired of listening to the same old played-out songs that keeps playing over and over again on the radio, the same old songs that stored in my WMP and the same old songs in the CDs that I own. I'm happy that I have discovered a new "love" in music.

Now all I have to do is buy a Napster prepaid download card, so that I can download all the songs that I like from both shows. That way, I can play all of it over and over again until I find another new "love".

Here are "some" of the songs:

Here are the songs from the OC Mix 1 CD:


from amazon.com

Paint The Silence/South
Just A Ride/Jem
Honey And The Moon/Joseph Arthur
The Way We Get By/Spoon
Move On/Jet
How Good It Can Be/The 88
Caught By The River/Doves
Rain City/Turin Brakes
We Used To Be Friends/The Dandy Warhols
Dice/Finley Quaye & William Orbit

Here are the songs from the OC Mix 2 CD:


from: amazon.com

Saturday Morning -- Eels
Hello Sunshine -- Super Furry Animals
Smile Like You Mean It -- The Killers
A Lack of Color -- Death Cab for Cutie
Specialist -- Interpol
Something Pretty -- Patrick Park
You Got Me All Wrong -- Dios Malos
If You Leave -- Nada Surf
Big Sur -- The Thrills
Little House of Savages -- The Walkmen
Trouble Sleeping -- The Perishers
So Sweet -- Jonathan Rice
Popular Mechanics for Lovers -- Beulah
Walnut Tree -- Keane
Maybe I'm Amazed -- Jem
Eastern Glow -- The Album Leaf
Orange Sky/Alexi Murdoch
California/Phantom Planet

from One Tree Hill:

"Rowing Song" - Patty Griffin
"When The Stars Go Blue" - Tyler Hilton & Bethany Joy Lenz
"Mid November" - Jonathan Rice
"Collide" - Howie Day

Plus, check out my "the Joint" section for the other songs that I'm liking right now.

PAYCE!

mY MESSED-UP cOUNtRY

You're Lebanon!
Your room's a mess. Your house is a mess. Heck, your life
is a mess. It all used to be really beautiful, and someone even compared you to Paris
once, but that's all been replaced with heartache and struggle. You're small, have been
influenced by outsiders for too long, and don't know what to think about religion. At
least you smell rather pleasant!

Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

... I AGREE WITH THIS QUIZ ... MAY GOD BLESS LEBANON!

I was just Wondering

I wonder why I love writing non-sense blabs, but, dread the feeling of writing a research paper.

By the way, I now know what the cute guy's name is. Thanks to my friend, Venus.

Have a good weekend people. For those like me who are cramming and procrastinating this weekend, I wish to God that He will grant us the DETERMINATION to finish all the work that we have started and PEACE OF MIND, para hindi tayo maging loka-loka.

Warning: I'm Mopey in this Entry

WAAAAHHH!!! I didn't see the cutey guy today. HUHUHUHU... hay nako... oh well, I hope to see him around campus (HOPEFULLY).


side note: told you I was mopey..
FYI: I updated my DEVIANT page today, so go check out new pics that I took last weekend.
Listen to this: the OC Mix 1 CD

The only reason why I love taking the bus these days..

I have never enjoyed taking bus rides in the mornings before. But now, I just love taking it. I love taking it, because I always see that cute guy wearing a red cap. HAAAAA... I'm absolutely lovin' it.

I'm infatuated.

Yes my friends, I am.

For two days in a row that I've been taking the bus (reason being is that my aunt wants to stay home because her hard wood floors are being installed yesterday and today), the cute guy sat right next to me (YIHHH!!!), only because he has no choice for the bus is already full. But seriously, that guy made my day for two straight days. For two straight days, I couldn't finish reading the book that I was reading during those morning bus rides because I can't help but notice that he's sitting right next to me! I can't concentrate!! har.. har .. har..

I can't help but think that I have entered the "stalker" mode of infatuation already, well, if you consider that "stalker-ish".

Reasons why I like this guy? He smells SOOOO GOOODD and did I mention that he's GORGEOUS?? Oh, and he makes me smile during this time of my life.

HEHEHE.. ruthless.. ruthless.. pasensya na kayo, kinikilig lang ako... hehehe..

I PITY MYSELF

i pity myself because I lack the determination and perseverance to finish the work I've started

i pity myself because I don't have the spirit to come into senses with regards to the boatload of work that I have to do in three weeks

i pity myself because my priorities have gone a wry

i pity myself because i didn't cared for one bit about what was gonna happen to me if i slacked off

i pity myself because i lack the inspiration or the drive that could help me do the work i'm suppose to do

i pity myself because no matter how much ranting i do, nothing will change in my life after i've finished ranting

and most of all,

i pity myself, because I PITY MYSELF.

Guess who's back.. BACK AGAIN ..

AND HE WILL FOREVER STAY WITH US.

My aunt decided to take him back. Apparently it wasn't working out for the girl (three posts ago, I told that Curly was adopted by a couple) because she gets allergies or whatever. The couple wanted to place him for adoption, AGAIN, but my aunt didn't want Curly to be passed around from one family to another. So, she took him back and I'M HELLA PSYCHED ABOUT IT! ENOUGH SAID!

Orange County premieres TONIGHT!

After a very long wait, the OC is finally premiering tonight, in FOX, at 8 pm!

I'm gonna be drooling over Benjamin McKenzie again...

on the side: photo of Benjamin Mckenzie provided by the OC website :: photo of the OC logo provided by darkhorizons :: photo of Curly provided by ME

In 4 years, I will vote.

During the times of the presidential debates, my aunt asked me, "So, who would you vote for?", I answered, "I'll vote for Kerry, just because I want Bush out of office". If you ask me right now, why I want Bush out of office, you won't be able to get a straight answer. Instead, you will get an opinion with no facts to support it.

I wish I could've voted this past election, but I wasn't eligible enough to do it since I'm not a citizen. Even though I'm ignorant of almost all the facts about the political world of the US, I still have opinions about what's going on. I wanted my opinions to count for something. Oh, well.

-------

Four more years of this country being divided. Within those four years, we will see how Bush alleviates that stress. Within those four years, we will see how Bush continues the fight against terrorism. Within those four years, we will see how Bush handles the US economic stance. Within those four years we will see if Bush drafts more young adults to fight the FIGHT in Iraq that he thinks is highly important. Within those four years we will see if Bush will start to listen to every voice of this country.

Congratulations on your victory, Mr. President. And may God give you the WISDOM and the strength to lead this country to a better future.

Random thoughts at 1:30am.. Go Figure..

Curly

Last Wednesday, I was reeling from the sadness that I felt when I learned that Curly was adopted. Yesterday, my spirits reached up for the skies when I heard that my aunt will take him back AND WILL NEVER GIVE HIM AWAY, that is IF and ONLY IF it he didn't work out for the couple who adopted him.

GOD, please make it not work. PLEASE MAKE IT NOT WORK. PLEASE HAVE CURLY bicker with the couple's other dogs so he'll come back here.

Damn. It's so pathetic that I'm feeling this much sadness because of a dog. AHHH.. Who cares?? He's my bro!

1st midterm in Calculus

So I took my first Calculus midterm last Wednesday. It wasn't good. In fact, it was bad. I hated every single minute that I wasted answering questions that (1) I don't understand and (2) I don't know how to do. I studied for the test, I really did. But the thing is, I'm just too lazy to read all the differentiation theorems, limit theorems, derivative theorems that my prof assigns. Because of such attitude, I got a 40/100. An obvious consequence of my uncanny procrastination and slacker mentality. If I keep being a slacker, y'all could guess what will happen to my CGPA if I get a 2.0 in that class. I better start shopping for ear plugs to prepare for my mom's "sermons".

I miss THEM

I miss Karlenn. I miss LinLin. I miss Joy.

I miss talking with them without having to worry about the phone bill going crazy. I miss hanging out with them.

Each week, I always send text messages to Lin about what's going on with my life here (I only send it to her because I know that she's gonna tell Lenn and Joy about it and plus it saves me prepaid credits! Sorry Joy and Lenn!). She replies through Friendster, because as y'all know the fee for replying internationally via Philippines can be a tad expensive.

This week, I told Lin about how interesting life has been for me ever since I received my 1st midterm grade in Calculus. She replies by saying, "now you know what I feel when a failing grade happens to me", or something to that effect.

Well, at least I have someone to turn to whenever I receive a failing grade in all of my Calculus tests OR my Chemistry tests for that matter. Damayan na lang kami dalwa, through the power of technology. HAR.. HAR.. HAR..

Haayyy... I miss them talga...

When we get too attached to certain "beings"

When I arrived at the house today, my cousins, Ted, Inee and Ira was there (they were there because we were to continue the painting in the living room that we started last Sunday, which is another story for another day). Ate Inee asked me if I notice anything missing from our house. At first, I got confused with by her question because if you can see our house at this moment, it's a big mess because of the painting that we're doing, meaning, we can tend to lose things in the pile of mess that we made. Then, it hit me, I asked her, "where's Curly?". She softly laughed and told me to ask Kuya Ira to tell me the whole story behind Curly's absence.

"He was taken away to Sammamish," he said with a monotonous voice.

Dumbfounded, I looked at Ate Inee to see if he was telling the truth, "yeah, my mom gave him to this couple living in Sammamish," she said. Confusion hit me, as well as, a hundred questions I wanted to ask them and my aunt.

Why did she do that? Why didn't she tell me about it? Who was the person who adopted him? Why? Why? Why?

At first, I felt like I wanted to cry my eyes out. Then again, I thought to myself that I don't want to do that in front of my cousins. So, I toughened up and went to my room to change into my painting clothes.

While painting, this conversation happened:

Ate Inee: "So are you sad that Curly's gone?"
ME: "Sure..." (Of course, this is me trying hard to control my emotions)
Ate Inee: "I cried, Kuya Ira told me about it on the phone, and I cried."
ME: "Who took him in?"
Ate Inee: "This couple who lived in Sammamish; they own a Cheasepeake Retriever but they had to take it down because it had an illness that couldn't be cured, they wanted another one, so I think they made contact with mom"
Ate Inee: "The couple owns a 1.3 acres of land, so it's a good environment for Curly to run around"
Ate Inee: "But Mom, says it's conditional, because the couple wants to see if Curly will get along with their other dogs."
ME: "And if he doesn't get along? What will happen to him?"
Ate Inee: "I'm not sure, he'll probably go out for adoption or something"
ME: "Did Tita sell him?"
Ate Inee: "No, it was more like an adoption thing"
ME: "Wow, she didn't tell me all about that"
Ate Inee: "Well, probably she didn't want to talk about it, it was pretty hard for her to make the decision to give Curly up so.. "
ME: "I see.. "

~end of conversation~

While I was painting, I kept thinking that somehow I'm one of the reasons why my aunt wanted to take him away. The reason behind those thoughts is that I didn't play with him that much and I didn't have the patience and the determination to help her train him.

Despite my shortcomings, I love the dog, I care for him, I missed him when I was vacationing in the PI, I parade his picture all over Friendster, I always make him as one of my subjects for my photography stints and I treat him like he was my dog (hypocritical, I know).

Growing up, dogs were introduced to me as house guards or house sitters. They weren't considered as "part of the family" (here in the US, domesticated animals or any other animals that are owned are always treated like they're part of the family). Curly was the first dog that I considered as part of the family, I didn't look at him as the "house guard", instead, I treated him like he was "the brother I never had". Y'all know that when it comes to family, you become too attached and that you consider them as being there with you till the end. I got too attached to Curly. But now, that attachment was broken apart (a little bit exaggerated, I know, but I if you put yourself in my position, you'll know how it feels).

I hate emotionally-attaching myself to people or dogs or things. When I get too attached, I get too emotional and/or sentimental when they're gone.

Next time, I'll remember to not get too 'emotionally' attached to beings/things that come into my life, that way I could spare myself from the sadness or bitterness that I could feel when they're taken away from me.

It's letting go all over again and this time it's letting go of "the brother that I never had".

See you around Curly...

side note: forgive me for the run-on sentences, confusing grammar, and confusing story-telling.