is it a risk worth taking? (edited)

(To the ladies and gentlemen who have participated in the mini discussion of this blog entry: A new comment has been made by someone who has gained A LOT OF LESSONS FROM EXPERIENCES IN THE "LOVE" department. I personally think that this comment may help some of you figure out some things that is bothering your head.)

I have a friend who says that he/she will take the risk of telling someone that they "like" (like, meaning, maybe we can be friends, then maybe we can be more than friends) them if it was worth it.

I admire them for that because they're not afraid of the consequences that might come their way if they do tell. They said that even if they get rejected, at least, they won't regret not telling it.

But isn't it paradoxical to think about this? We were always told to guard our hearts from the potential misleads and expectations that can hurt it, but then, we always read or always hear the phrase, "tell them how you feel about them because if you don't, you might regret it in the future".

I think that's where I'm at right now. I'm stuck in between two outlooks where I can't seem to get myself out of.

I guess some of you who are reading this right now, know from experience what I'm talking about.

Therefore, I salute you for the courage to stand right in front of that someone and pretending to be "just a friend" to him or her. I also salute the people, who had the courage to tell their "someone" that they like them.

Asteg kayo!

random song lyrics that can hit your head AND heart

I think I'll go home now it's
been the greatest day thank
you for shedding life to my
fantasy throw me a wicked
smile the one like
yesterday
//
why i can never let you go
so strange extraordinary
why i can never tell you so i
must be dumb why i can
never let this go can't stop
this fun it must be done
- Another Day, Mojofly

2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
- Breathe, Anna Nalick

After all this time,
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it,
couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
And part of me died when I let you go
- Blind, Lifehouse

short post

I now know what it feels like to get pulled over by the police.

It's a strange yet scary feeling.

Thank God, I was just warned about the current license/registration sticker that was hiding behind the Northwest Hospital plate.

I thought I was going to be ticketed for speeding at a 35 mph street --- I was going 40.

What A Day.

Aura: B-itchy/Cranky

Pahabol: Sa natarayan ko kanina.. kung binabasa mo man 'to. I'm churi! That time of the month e. Patawad. =)

Featuring: SOUND-OFF

I have updated my Music Page blog. Click the link below.

SOUND OFF

The blog has not yet been fully constructed. I'm just way to busy and way to lazy to work with it. But I'll (try) to make it look good soon. For now, just enjoy the audios and the playlists.

The DOCTOR IS OUT

It has been a while since my last doctor's appointment. I can barely even remember what was checked up on me during that time. My mom bugged me about making an appointment last spring break, but I wasn't able to or I would rather say that I didn't want to make it.

Ever since the time I got tested positive for having (dormant) tuberculosis virus and diagnosed with mild scoliosis, I kind of got a little bit edgy when it came to dealing with doctors. Ever since then, I didn't make any check-up appointments and best of all, I didn't follow up if I still had to take medications to fight off the dormant TB virus in my body, I don't go to any physical therapy (I think I still have 3 sessions left with HEALTHSOUTH) nor do I do the exercises that was given to me during the time I was undergoing PT (that MAY or MAY NOT correct my slightly disaligned backbone).

Yes, I'm a walking health rebel. I don't drink milk anymore. I don't take vitamins anymore. I don't get enough sleep at night. I drink coffee. I eat junk food a lot. I don't like going to doctors. I don't want to know if there's anything wrong with my stick-thin body.

A friend told me once, "you're afraid of the doctor, yet you want to become a doctor yourself?".

I told him, "I'm not sure if I still even want to be a doctor".

Is it true that doctors themselves don't want to be checked up on? Is it true? Cause if it is, I'd say I'm a pretty good candidate to become a doctor myself, since I'm reluctant to be checked up on.

I know that I should take care of my body in order to live a long and healthy life.

I'm just being a stubborn little girl awaiting for a sickness/disease/ilness/infection to come haunt and bring me down.

I'm a stubborn little girl. There, I saved you a lot of time and energy from telling me that.

Left:Stubborn Big Dog, Right: Stubborn Girl and Stubborn Big Dog: My attempt in taking a decent picture of me and Curly, I think he doesn't want to take a picture with me, maybe that's the reason why he keeps on moving on every attempt I make.

I'M IN. WOOHOO.

1. It's been two days since that admissions packet from SPU landed on my hands and I think the supposed "rant" that I should have posted two days ago had gone way over my head, in short, it just got played out. So, I will rant no more.

2. I'll be writing a post about friendship, so watch out for that. It's going to be a little dramatic, so prepare yourselves. LOL.

3. I want to watch this movie. The preview for it got me all teary-eyed. Don't ask why, because I, myself have no clue why.


pic courtesy of movies @ yahoo.com

Have a fabuloso week!

*GUSH* --- I'm in hyper mode.. so bear.

I once wrote an entry about this crush that I had on a guy that I rode the bus with.

There's a big improvement or should I say PROGRESS about him that happened today:

He said HI to me today!!! AIIIIYEEE!!! hehehehehehe..

HAAHHHHH.. I'm in heaven..

I'm in heaven because he knows that I exist!! WIIHH!!!

I'm in heaven because he said HI to me!! HAHAHAHAHA..

Ok, before the eye rolling and the throwing up, you have to give me some credit because that is the first time that he ever said a word to me. Well, technically not the first time, because I talked to him once before, when I made a fool out of myself in front of him.. but that's beside the point. My POINT is, HE KNOWS THAT I EXIST.

LOL.

----- moment of bliss over -----

and the WITCHCRAFT keeps piling up...

Friendster featured "horoscopes" as their new feature today. I read mine just for the heck of it and to my dismay this is what it read:

"You've been holding on to a vital, startling piece of information for quite some time now -- and you're ready to hang on to it for even longer, if need be. You might not be able to, however, if anyone else knows -- and if one of those 'anyones' wants to cause some major disruption in your life. Be careful who you let in on the secret. Even if it's someone you adore."

Now seriously, is there something going on around me that I should be aware of? Or am I just paranoid? See, this is what happens when you read into horoscopes and fortunes, THEY MAKE YOU PARANOID!!! GRRRR...

There's something about this "horoscope read" that hit me, hence, me getting all paranoid. I won't go into anymore detail about it.

(YAY!! I'm through with writing about personal stuff!! HE.HE.HE.).

The Fortune Lies.

We ate at Fushen today to celebrate my sister's birthday (her birthday was yesterday, but we celebrated it today with some of the family). As you good people know, Chinese restaurants always give out fortune cookies (and sometimes sliced oranges) at the end of the meal. So I got my share at the end of our yummylicious meal, and this is what it read:


I wonder what that "something" might be?

I usually don't believe fortune cookies or fortunes in general. I think they are pieces of crap lying around this lovely planet trying to screw people's mind up. But, today my whole value of not believing in fortunes just turned upside down when I read that fortune cookie's fortune. Is this a sign from UP THERE? Is this a sign that I've been asking for?

Haaayyy.. who knows.. it might be just one of those crappa fortunes.

Have a good week y'all.

P.S.:

"Thus, fear of danger is ten thousand times more terrifying than danger itself, when apparent to the eyes; and we find the burden of anxiety greater, by much, than the evil which we are anxious about:"

I just read this quote today, found it from the tagboard of a friend's blog. I looked the whole quote up in the internet. I think God is telling me something, I don't know what though.

Trippin'

I seldom watch TV anymore. The only time that I watch TV is if The OC or One Tree Hill is on, no more beyond that.

I stopped watching TV for two reasons: (1) I've become a certified computer nerd, and (2) There are too many reality shows in every channel that I look at.

Today, as I was eating lunch, I channeled my tv to MTV. The station was showing a season finale of "The Ashlee Simpson" show, I decided to watch it since I (sometimes) enjoy watching the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

After the show, another reality tvs came on. It was titled "Trippin'". It was produced and starred by Cameron Diaz, one of the most highly paid actors in Hollywood. At first, I thought it was going to be another one of those 'celebrity life' reality shows. But then, as the intro credits rolled in, she introduced it as a show that will show countries, which she and a group of her personal friends will travel into, that are environmentally endangered.

Here's the show's taglines:

Cameron Diaz and a group of her close, personal friends think globally and act globally too as they travel to unlikely getaways...from Chile to Yellowstone, on a quest to safeguard the environment. No Hotel, no Pilates instructors...they will pack their own bags and carry them into the wild.

The show got me interested because I myself have become interested in travelling, but truth be told, I was only interested in the words "travelling to see" not in the words, "travelling for a cause/reason". But after watching one episode of that show, I started to think about "travelling for a reason".

We usually read or hear stories about people who travel into "third world" countries to see what's going on in the culture, environment, or lifestyle of those countries and when they come back home, they have this new sense of thinking or well being caused by observing and experiencing first hand what the lifestyle of such countries have. They start to think that the dramas that they go through in life is nothing compared to the people in those countries. I, myself, have heard a number of stories and each time I hear them, they never fail to inspire me.

As you scroll through the right pane of this blog, you will see a list of websites of the countries I would like to travel into "when I grow up". If you go through that list, you will see that they are countries that are travelled by many because of their richness of "places to see". I'm starting to contemplate of adding another list of countries, countries that are less fortunate in the realm of "places to see" but more fortunate in the realm of culture, diversity and people who considers -technology and city life- as unfamiliar territory to them.


Richmond Beach Saltwater Park

After I took this picture, I thought it was a photograph gone bad. But when I uploaded it, I thought of it as a painting. HEH.

I'm Amazed Again.

Transparent Photography

ASTEG SYA!!! GO AND LOOK!!

How To Make The Most Out Of Your Spring Break

1. When you're going through a lot of drama, i.e. messed up priorities; messed up grades @ school; messed up values; messed up head; messed up love(?)life; etc., and you don't want to cry over them, arm yourself with a lot of cash and go to the mall.

2. When there's nothing better to do at home, go out and grab a bite at your nearest fastfood chain.

3. If you haven't seen your relatives (your sister or your brother, for instance) for a while, schedule a meet with them. Have some coffee, eat dinner, shop, have a movie marathon, and talk to them about the boy who makes your heart skip

4. Spring Break doesn't mean a break from your friends. Spring Break means hanging out with them. Go to the beach, have a spontaneous bbq cookout, and enjoy a week's worth of bonding without school getting in the way.

5. Do RnR with MnM (Translation: Rest and Relax with Me and Myself). Go shopping, watch DVDs, tinker with your computer, catch up with Friendster or Myspace (Do TWICE the catching up, since you're on a break), listen to music, download music, drive around --- do whatever that satisfies your fancy.

Hope you college guys and girls had a fun and restful break.



Richmond Beach Saltwater Park
March 25, 2005

I'd Be Lying If I Said I'm OK

If y'all read the melodramatic entry I wrote before this one, you'll know what I mean by the title.

Yes, I'm still not OK, but at least I had some time to contemplate about things that has been bugging me and to calm my nerves down a notch. Unfortunately, contemplating and calming down has gotten a bit too expensive for me. You see, last Monday, I went shopping at Alderwood Mall. I ate my heart out at Forever 21, Wet Seal, Icing, and Jamba Juice. Yet, Alderwood wasn't enough for me, so I went to Northgate mall to oogle some more at Rave and Payless.

The next day, I thought I had given up on shopping. But no, I went to Ross (right by Northgate place) and fell in love with a ton of tops. HAA.. Too bad I blew all my money the day before so I only bought two tops there. Then, I went to Marshalls and saw another cute top and of course, being the impulsive me that I am, I bought it too.

So, it has been an interesting two days. Two days of contemplation, exercising (my legs and my wallet), and eating my heart out on the cutesy tops that my stores sell. Although, I'm broke as a bum, it did a lot of help in lowering my stress level.

"Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight"
--- Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2

Last note,

I saw my winter quarter grades today and can I just say, how interesting it is that my Chem Lab grade is higher than my Chem subject grade. HEH.

When Everything Goes Tough.. I Get Bitchier..

Disclaimer:

UBER-PERSONAL ANG ENTRY NA 'TO. KAYA KUNG IISIPAN NYO KO NA ANG SIRA-SIRA KO PARA MAGLAGAY NG ISANG NAPAKAPERSONAL NA ENTRY.. WELL.. I DON'T GIVE A SH*T.. BLOG KO 'TO AND I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT IN IT.

***

I'll write this entry in Tagalog, because it will sound MUCH better.

Unfair ang buhay. Alam nating lahat yun. Hindi lahat ng bagay puwedeng mapasaatin. Hindi lahat ng bagay puwedeng mangyari according to our standards. Hindi lahat ng bagay makukuha sa iyak, sa galit o sa lungkot.

Ganon ang buhay e. Minsan masaya, minsan malungkot. Minsan parang gusto mo ng mamatay, minsan parang gusto mong mabuhay ng matagal.

Maraming bagay ang gumugulo sa isip ko ngayon, mga bagay na hindi ko dapat bigyan ng matinding pansin dahil sila'y mababaw na bagay lamang. Ngunit minsan, gusto kong lunurin ang sarili ko sa kanila. Gusto kong gawan ng paraan para mawala sila sa utak ko.

Walang-wala ako ngayon. Nawawala sa road. Kung baga, nasa dead end ako. Wala akong mapuntahan. Walang priorities na sinusunod, tapos ang mga values ko sa buhay parang wala nang saysay.

Ang dami dami ko nang pagkakamaling nagawa. Mga pagkakamali na dapat kong ihingi ng tawad sa Diyos, pero di ko ginagawa. Ang dami dami kong iniisip na mali, pero hindi ako humihingi ng tulong sa Diyos para alisin ang "malisyoso" kong pagiisip.

Sinasarili ko lahat ng problema. Hindi ako humihingi ng tulong. Kahit gusto kong umiyak hindi ko ginagawa dahil ayokong makita ng mga tao na malungkot ako o isipin nila na nagiinarte ko. Alam ko sinabi ko na wala akong pakelam sa mga iniisip sakin ng mga tao, pero sorry, nagpakaplastic lang ako, me pakelam din ako.. ng konti.

Sinabi nga sakin ng isa kong kaibigan, "pag sinasarili mo yang mga problema mo, walang mangyayari sayo.. kelangan mong isabog yan.. kungdi ikaw ang talo sa huli". Ewan ko. Minsan mas gusto ko na lang kimkimin kesa sa magsabi ng problema, mas feel ko yun e.

Sabi nung lalake dun sa movie na "Perfect Opposites":

"Why do girls always need to talk things through? Why can't they just keep the problems to themselves and just die of a heart attack?"

Baligtad ako. Mas gusto ko pa atang mamatay sa sakit sa puso kesa sa ilabas ko ang problema ko sa mundo.

Relatively New Things in My Life (backlogged entry)

iBook G4 Laptop


Ibook G4
Originally uploaded by angeloraine.

It's the laptop that I bought out of spontaneity and rushness, but all is worth it because it hasn't done anything to anger my technologically-challenged self. Well, there's actually one downside, the Mac version of Yahoo Messenger, sucks. The PC version is so much better with all the animated emoticons, the Launchcast radio, and the games you can play with whoever you are conversing with. It's also not voice capable. How sucky is that?

As for my PC, I haven't sold it yet. HEHE.. I'm having separation anxiety syndrome.. hehehe.. excuses, excuses.. I'm just not paying that much attention to selling it. Hopefully during spring break, I'll be busy hunting down buyers.

iPod Mini


Mini Ipod
Originally uploaded by angeloraine.

My cousin Inee both this for her husband, then her husband wanted the newer 6gb version, so she proposed to sell this to me. I caved, because it's blue and it's the iPod that I always wanted.

Spring/Summer Clothes

I've been shopping non-stop for the past month now. It's a good therapy for my damaged brain and aching heart. But I'm already feeling the day that I will be broke. I'm telling you, it's getting close.

Adobe Photoshop Elements and 7.0v

I have both software installed in my notebook, but I haven't played with it since the day I've installed both. But since spring break is coming, I might as well take advantage of them. Hopefully I don't get lazy. But who gets lazy when you have a computer sitting on your lap instead of you sitting in front of a computer?? Get the picture?

Current Obsessions:

Songs... Songs.. and more Songs.. Seriously, I have spent so much dough on iTunes. I'm hooked! I swear! Thank God, I don't bring money with me when I went to BestBuy last Wednesday. HAAYYY.. Music is life, I'm telling you. It's life.

Spring Break Fever

Since I'm not going anywhere out of state, I might as well enjoy my one-week break on going places such as Greenlake Park, Downtown, and University Village. I hope the weather is not gloomy. I want some sun (sans the wind) in Seattle!

Lastly,

The song "Obsession" by Frankie J. suits me well. HEH. Well, technically I'm not obsessed with something. I'm just.. how do you say it? Endeared? Emotionally attached? Infatuated? Hmm.. who cares??

"Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)

More than my feelings (what am i doing wrong)

Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)

Its just an illusion that i have in my heart"

PAHABOL!!!

To all graduating students this year (high school and college),

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Special Attention to: Nica, Joelle, and Ginett .... Congrats sa inyo! =)

My OTHER Blogs

I decided to make separate blogs of my two passions: music and photography.

Sound Off

- This blog will feature playlists of songs that I constantly listen to and will also contain lyrics of songs that I play on my Ipod repeatedly.

Photo-Lage

- This blog will feature photographs that I've taken from the past, the present and maybe future ones. It's sorta like a photojournal. It's my replacement to my deviantart page.

Both are still underconstruction. But tomorrow, after my Chem final, I will start tinkering with them.

I hope you stay tune for them.

Heaven vs. Earth

"This world is not our home; we are looking forward to our everlasting home in heaven."

--- The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

In the beginning, this world was pure. But when Eve ate the forbidden fruit, impurity started to become prevalent. The world became a much colossal place. It became rigid and shallow. It became a zone for wars and terror. It became a breeding ground for sensationalized "breaking news". It became materialistic and less thankful. It became a place where hurt and loneliness surpasses the feeling of happiness and freedom.

This world has become a painful place to live in ever since sin was born. There's too much stress, too much pain and too much pressure. Time here is always wasted on emotions that are superficial. Energy is always wasted on overanalyzing things that are not suppose to be overanalyzed.

Heaven, on the other hand, is where clarity strikes. It is a place where happiness and freedom prevail. It is a place where sin no longer exist. It is a place where you can see God smiling at you saying, "you belong better here than you do on Earth."

I want to see Heaven.

. . . kasi sa Heaven, hindi ako masasaktan
. . . kasi sa Heaven, walang gulo, walang away
. . . kasi sa Heaven, nandon si God para bantayan ako ng mabuti
. . . kasi sa Heaven ko lang mararamdaman ang tunay na kasiyahan

I know there's a reason why I'm still living on this planet. I know that God wants me and the rest of the people in this world to feel and learn from every worst feeling this world has to offer.

I can't wait to go to Heaven. I can't wait to go home. I can't wait to be happy forever.

I Love Spring Movies!

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
May 16



Sin City
April 1

I want them, but I can't have them

At least at the moment . . .

+ Starbucks Toffee Nut Frappucino
+ Starbucks Decaf Toffee Nut Latte
+ Pho (AGAIN!)
+ A new layout for this blog.

I don't want to work today. I'm lazy. I just want to go home and sleep and then just come back to school to attend my Organic Chemistry night class.

I just want this quarter to end. I want SPRING BREAK! Too bad I'm not going anywhere during that week. If I had the chance (and the $$) I would fly my ass to California and visit my cousins there. I haven't seen them since my uncle's (dad's bro) funeral, which was two years ago.

What else can I blab about?

OH! I have 17 credits registered for next quarter. Suicidal don't you think? HEH. A math, a science, and a design class. WHOOPEE!! 17 credits!!

Glass-Shattering Experience

For the most part of my life, I have not experience any major or minor physical injuries. The extent of injury that I only suffered through was a mere scratch on my leg, from tripping on something, or cramps, when I stretch too much.

But today, it was more than a scratch on the leg and crampy arms. They were two open wounds, one on my right forefinger and the other on my right foot; red marked scratches all over my left and right arm (well, most of the marks were on my right hand); and red marked scratches on my right leg.

Here's the flow chart version of the event that caused my injuries:

I was taking a shower ----> I opened the shower door to get a facial wash ----> I accidently slammed the shower door ----> I finished showering ----> I open shower doors, but to my dismay they won't open (gliders were apparently out of place) ----> I tried re-aligning the doors ----> While re-aligning, I suddenly got all claustrophobic (is that spelled right?), consequently making me impatient with the non-moving doors ----> I pressured one door to slide ----> CRASH! Shards of glass came raining down all over me.

Thank God, they only screwed up my arms, hands and legs.

I guess the statistic is true: The most accident prone area in the house is the bathroom.

Hmm.. I think that experience was a sign. HEH.. I gotta start being extra careful when driving.

To people with glass shower doors: BE GENTLE WITH THEM! DON'T SLAM THE DAMN DOORS! OR ELSE . . .

One-Two Step

i take one step..away
and i find myself coming back
to you
my one and only
one and only you...

--- Your Song by Parokya Ni Edgar

It's not only a "one step" for me but it's a hundred steps and somehow I always find myself coming back. Two hundred steps back.

It's hard to step back when something is always around you.

It's hard to move back when you know that that something can tear you up in just a blink of an eye, or in words or even in action.

It's always a "push and pull" situation, I don't know where I should stand.

"It hurts when reality strikes your back. But what hurts the most is that you didn't do anything to prevent reality from hitting you hard."


I have to start writing again. I edited this entry 5 times today because of all the grammatical flaws I encountered everytime I reread it. It's amazing what three months of freewriting (meaning BSing my entries for the past 3 months) can do to my writing skills. Wait, scratch that, do I even have writing skills?