stress is getting the best out of me

i got slammed with a lot of work this weekend and to top it all off, i had to attend a friend's birthday party last friday.

i didn't get to finish all of the work that I was suppose to do.

physics killed me by 9pm last night. it's funny because i've been working on that homework for the past week and still i didn't get the chance to finish it.

english midterm today. why does english have to have midterms anyway?

math. well math's good to me. i have hw due on wednesday.

fafsa. DAMN IT! The most easiest job in the world and still i can't manage to finish it last weekend.

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?

i use to thrive in stressful situations. you know, with the pressure mounting up on me and all. but last night, i just could not take it anymore. i just had to leave it all behind and sleep it off. the heck is wrong with me.

i cannot fail again. i think i can't take it if i fail again.

i got my money on this..

My sister and her husband, as well as my mother, will be going back to the PI this spring to visit my other sister, my brother and my dad. They're going home because they're gonna try to hold a wedding for my brother at a church and to visit my new nephew.

It sucks because I can't really go with them because of school and well, I don't really want to go with them. But hearing where they're gonna go during the span of three weeks makes me want to go. They were saying that they were gonna go travel around. They say that they might go to Pagudpud Beach in Ilocos Norte. They say that they might go to one of the beaches in Batangas. They say that they might go to Mindoro. They say that they might go to Baguio.

Oh, for crying out loud.

That's like 1GB worth of photos for me. The sceneries.. the people.. my nieces and nephew.. my family.. the sun.. the heat.. DAMN IT! WHY WHY WHY... Kill me now before I do myself. I can't believe I'm missing that kind of photo adventure. That's a lot of places for me to cover and a lot of people for me to cover as well. Photojournalism + Nature Tripping + Candid Portraits + WHAT ELSE???

ARGGHHHH...

It's so sad because I'm the only one who's not going to be there. That's like the first family reunion we'll have since my sister's wedding back in 2000. WOW. HAHAHA.. I'm such a party pooper. But, blame it on school. I really don't want to miss a quarter and not be able to graduate on time.

THE PICTUREEES!!! WAAAHHH.. That makes me so sad.. HAHAHAHA..

Oh well.. TOUGH.

I guess I just have to be happy with the spring here in Seattle.

"cause i'm learning to breathe"

photo-related

I think I'm doing better with my photojournalism pictures. I think. Well, some of the photos that I've taken are pretty bland compared to the other photoj's pictures. But yeah, I think I'm getting better at it. I hope that the editor comments on something. I just need to know on what to improve on.

I've come a long way -- from being a photo-shy person that I am to becoming someone who actually loves taking photos. I'm really excited where this fondness will take me. I just hope that it takes me to a place that I will love and be happy with.

I haven't really taken any new pictures lately. No inspiration yet. No one's striking me with it. Nothing's striking me with it. I don't know.

Oh yeah, I updated my Flickr photopage, so go check it out.

And ahhh.. I got a photograph published on the front page of the university's student paper. I'll upload that issue SOON. I just don't have time right now to do it.

long distance friendship

I haven't talked to my two friends back in the PI. GAHH.. I miss them. It's funny because during my first two years here, I always call them every week. Now it's just once a month or not call them at all. I guess we're all busy with our lives now. They're preparing for their senior year , their "thesis" year, while me, I'm trying to still cope up with university stuff. I haven't heard a single story from them yet. No news. I wish I can go home this spring. Oh well. I just wish that we won't totally forget about each other.

"no communication does not mean an end to a friendship."

a birthday wishlist

.... so this was the Christmas wishlist that I posted way back in December of last year:

1) $$$ towards Europe trip

2) Digital SLR - I have no idea what I kind want yet, but I want one.

4) To start being a positive thinker.

5) SOMEONE, ANYONE, to go on a food trip with me.

6) Talk to someone that I haven't talk to in a long time over a cup of joe.

10) World Peace... and I ain't joking here.

I got four of them granted (notice the missing numbers) last Christmas. So anybody wanna grant this remaining six on my birthday? =)

adding two more...

11) A HUSKY dog.. the grey or the brown one.. suree.. stuff toy counts too if the actual dog is too expensive.. LOL.

12) Lacie 160GB Firewire External HD

"and you asked me what I want this year"

it's not how fast you get to the finish line but how you tried to get there and how you learned from experiences. sometimes it's not all about who finishes first or last. it's about taking things slowly one step at a time and working on things slowly but surely and actually learning while you're at it. - taken from Gail

What a slap in the head for me. She's right. It doesn't matter how fast you finish something, what matters is how you got to finish it and how you actually worked your way there.

It's funny because this quote applies to my life these days. I've been so crammed up that I just wanted to get my homeworks done. DONE, meaning just DONE. I didn't really care how I answer the questions or if I understand the question at all. I didn't really care if I understand the solutions and the concepts. I just wanted it to be over with so I can get to the next thing that I have to do.

It's funny how a person, practically a stranger, have given me something to ponder upon again. I think it takes only one stranger (or two) for me to realize how shallow I can become. My friends are NO HELP! HAHAHA.. Kidding.

Yesterday, I was complaining, while watching the news, about howcome we don't have any sunbreaks during the week. My sister told me, "Liane, it's Seattle, aren't you used to it yet?". True. IT IS SEATTLE. Seattle won't be SEATTLE if it's not raining. I am used to it already, I'm just got fed up with it yesterday. LOL. I want just one day without rain. HAA.. I HAVE TO BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT IS AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT WHAT IS NOT. Anyway, the rain is good, it makes me work. Just last night I sort of, finished my Inferno book (finished it, but not totally understood it. OH YEAH.). I did that because for one I have to finish it by today and well, I got inspired by the pouring rain.

-0-

I have a twisted sense of logic. Earlier, I've been thinking about some stuff that scares me. There's this one thing that just started to scare me, and I guess IT scared me because I got burned from it before and I THINK I'm going through IT again so I guess I kind of started to think about it again and then I went on and on rationalizing it in my ahead, or at least I think that I was rationalizing about it. I guess sometimes I tend to get my whole logical thinking twisted (haha, look at what I've inherited from my mom). UGH, I just hate superficial, mundane and shallow matters. I don't know why I let them get to me.

-0-

~ I bought a book (out of impulse.ugh) yesterday. It's called In Her Shoes and it's written by Jennifer Weiner. And yes, it is the book that got turned into a movie. I was suppose to borrow it from the library, but since I'm so lazy and so impulsive, I just had to buy it.

~ Been listening to a lot of slow jams (aka. R and B) sounds lately, mostly old sounds. Something influenced me. HAHA. Or maybe alternative rock is being washed out of my system by the slow jams. EK. See that scares me because most of the slow jams that I listen to are sentimental/cheesy.

~ I am so jealous with one of my co-workers at the newspaper. She got the chance to shoot Hillary Clinton's press conference at the Seattle Biodiesel. I'm so jealous!! I couldn't take the assignment because I had to take care of stuff at the house. MEN. A once in a lifetime event. But, oh well. There will always be a next time for something great, right?

~ I've been writing lesser these days. I think that maybe the reason why I sometimes tend to sound stupid in some conversations that I have had with friends. Grammatically speaking, I'm really off. I just don't have the drive to write. I think it all went to taking pictures.

~ I have some back-log entries to post. The reason why I haven't posted them yet is because they're photo-related, have to scan/upload some of the photos that I have to incorporate with them. But I'll post them when I get the drive to scan. LOL.


Have a nice week y'all. Enjoy the rain!


UPDATE: 11:30 AM

Not good to start the week by being pissed off. I got published again today and when I saw how the photos were presented, it was just... UGH.

because I'm a big XMEN fan

X-MEN 3

MAY 26, 2006

TRAILER

OH YEAAHH!!! OHH YEAAHH!!! HECCKK YEAAHH!! I'M EXCITED!! BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR 2 YEARS!!

Bluer than Blue

PISCES:

Have you been accused of living in a dream world, Pisces? That’s not entirely true; you only see aspects of reality that others can’t. But this year you’ll discover a practical, businesslike streak in you that will enable you to face mundane matters with determination and confidence that you never knew you had. This doesn’t mean that your romantic, mystical, artistic side will go down the tubes. In fact, facing both romance and creativity with a more practical viewpoint could well improve both – and thus make the Fish VERY happy! You’ll be glowing with love, appearing more attractive. People will become more aware of you and whatever work you do – thus increasing your standing in all worlds. The key word here is, of course, balance.

AHAHAHAHAHA...

Now if I were to believe this crap ---- I would definitely be excited about FACING CREATIVITY WITH A MORE PRACTICAL VIEWPOINT and PEOPLE BEING AWARE OF WHATEVER WORK I DO. Not really believing the looveee stuff, but that's just me being a cynical byatch.

Check out this link if you're curious as to what 2006 holds for your sign.

----

PROJECT(s)!

I have several photography projects in mind that I want to do this year. There's quite a lot that I'm thinking about and I actually want to deviate myself from that because it's making me insane! So, I lined up these projects that I want to do AND finish by the end of this year. I'm following my English 211 lesson:

"don't dwell too much on your problems, if you do it will make you go crazy. do something for yourself. do something that will make your time worthwhile. do something that will make you forget about your problem. true enough, the problem won't go away, but at least you did something else, instead of dwelling on it."

1) Archive 2005 artsy fartsy photographs in my newly purchased photograph scrapbook from Papyrus. (***)

2) Archive ALL my photographs in photo albums. (***)

3) But, before I do (2), I must purchase CHEAP, yet, artsy photo albums to put my photographs in.

4) But, before I do (1), (2) and (3), I must print out all the photos I have in my laptop, because they're eating up a lot of space in my computer.

5) But, before I do (4), I must pick which photos I want to print out.

6) I have to start being "intimate" with my digital camera. I must know what else it can do. I must know and master all its functions. I must go beyond using the AV mode. I must start using the MANUAL and TV mode. I must start learning how to take artsy photos using the flash. (***)

6) Start taking pictures for 2006 photographs. They must have a theme. Must follow the motto "START SOMETHING PHOTOGRAPHIC". They must be PORTFOLIO worthy. (***)

The ones with (***) are the MUST ACCOMPLISH BY THE END OF THIS YEAR.

A Preview of early 2006 photos:


Meet my coffee cup, Grumpy. He has been dubbed as the "perfect coffee cup" by a Starbucks barista. I'm quite proud of him. Located at the back is my English packet and my pen/pencil case and a tiny part of my iPod, these three have been my best friends ever since school started. Don't know what I would do without them.

I will have more for you next week. I'm pretty swamp with school right now. Dante and differentials and two dimensions are grilling my brain.

Have a good weekend y'all!

Moving On.

Lola Loleng,

I am lucky to have met you. I am lucky that even for just a while, I got to know who you are. You're one of the coolest lola I've ever known. Now you've moved on to a better life. You are now with Lola Chita and Lola Tentay, your sisters. May you guys enjoy the feast that God prepared for you up there.

I'm gonna miss you Lola.

an interpretation, a survey, and a quote.

"Im captivated by someone's thoughtfulness and kindness to me, but I would'nt go as far as saying, I like him, as in, I want him to be my future significant other. So in real life, No."

- my friend, Sarah

YEAAHHH.... what she said.. I agree with her.

I guess my own interpretation of liking someone is that you like someone just because they have certain qualities that makes you like him or her (ok, fine I have no other words to describe it, so sue me), but of course, not to the point that you want to marry this person.

Wait.. that's how Sarah interpreted it, so I guess it's her interpretation, only I paraphrased it into my own words.

and because I'm killing time:

1. Honestly, where are you now?

I'm at a school library

2. Honestly, have you ever failed a subject in high school?

ahhh.. i don't think i did.. college yes.. hehehe..

3. Honestly, what’s on your mind?

A lot. too much stuff to mention

4. Honestly, what is it that you really should be doing right now?

Eat lunch and finish my Physics homework that's due on Monday.

5. Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today?

Yes, I did

6. Honestly, who are your best buddies in the world?

ahhh... there's a lot.. hehehe.. but i currently have 3 that are the best of the best..

7. Honestly, are you a good friend?

I think I am.... sometimes.. hehehe..

8. Honestly, do you think school is important?

DEFINITELY.

9. Honestly, what are your dreams mostly about?

Helping save people's lives.

10. Honestly, who/what makes you happy most of the time?

Music. Curly. Lounging around.

11. Honestly, what hobbies do you have?

Listening to music. Surfing. Photography.

12. Honestly, what song are you listening to?

I'm currently liking slow R and B songs lately. HMMM..

13. Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?

My two nieces.. and yeah, my sister.. and sure my brother too.

14. Honestly, do you have a deadly disease?

NO.

15. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?

nope.

16. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?

ummm.. my mogu pillow.

17. Honestly, are you bored?

no.. just felt like doing this..

18. Honestly, who do you want to slap right now?

no one..

19. Honestly, do you like someone right now?

I like a stranger who cares for my umm.. well being?

20. Honestly, are you single?

Yes.

21 Honestly, does anyone like you?

of course.. i hope so.. or else i'm in trouble..

and because English 211 is soooo interesting:

"don't dwell too much on your problems, if you do it will make you go crazy. do something for yourself. do something that will make your time worthwhile. do something that will make you forget about your problem. true enough, the problem won't go away, but at least you did something else, instead of dwelling on it."

English 211 is REALLY getting on my nerves

English 211
The Supernatural and the Magical in Medieval & Renaissance Literature

I registered for this class with the idea of me learning about Medieval and Renaissance Lit that has something to do with the supernatural world (and because supernatural facts sort of amuses me). But, as I am reading through the course packet that the instructor made us buy --- may I repeat, for $27 --- I was a bit irked by the first 5 stories that I've read in it. Their theme was mostly about LOVE. ICK.

Today, I just got finished reading the first quarter of "Yvain" by Chretien de Troyes (pronounced in a "French" manner) and to be frank, and also exaggerated, I was about to throw up as I was reading the last few bits of that reading.

"For a person in love is ill at ease and never able to sleep soundly, but all night long counts up and reckons the days as they come and go. Do you know how lovers behave? They keep account of the time and season."

Here's another one..

"Those who truly love don't steal hearts away, though they are called thieves by some who go about practising decit in love without knowing anything at all about it. The lover takes his beloved's heart in a way that is not thef: rather he guards it from being stolen from her by thieves in the guise of honest men. These are hypocritical thieves and traitors, competing in the theft of hearts to which they are indifferent; but the loveer, wherever he may go, treasures the heart and brings it back again"

and another...

"for there is no lover who is not imprisoned: she is right to call him a prisoner, since anyone who loves is truly in prison"

Oh good gosh. What is so supernatural about that? Magical it is, but what is supernatural about it?

IS this God's way of telling me not to be too cynical about ♥ issues? Is this His way of telling me that I should learn to open up to what the true meaning of Love is? Is this His way of telling me that Love is not all about pretentions and superficiality?

God, Is this your way? Is this class your way?

Hmm.. I think I'm gonna find out the answer to that question at the end of this quarter.

I'm officially a Chemistry Major now. By the time that I'm finished, I shall have a BS in Chemistry (ACS Certified) degree on my belt. Whoopee!!

My goal for the rest of my college career: I WILL GRADUATE WITH A DEGREE IN CHEMISTRY... and there is no way that I'm gonna let hardships and challenges screw that goal up. I have God on my side. What more can I ask for?

I'm just reflecting.

"To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you."

-- Tony Dorsett

"something to hold on to"

I'm going to school because I want to get an education that will help me help the people who are finding a cure for cancer. I "hold on to" the memory of my Mom's mom, my dad's sister and brother, my brother-in-law's nephew who died at a very early age, and to the others who are suffering and died because of the big C. I "hold on to" their memories because they are the ones that can help me succeed in my education.

"something to motivate you"

Babies, little kids, or to be more specific, MY TWO NIECES. I'm motivated to learn because of them. I don't see them as much but I hear stories of how inquisitive and how smart they are becoming. Their stories are the ones that motivate me to learn. Their stories are the ones that motivate me to learn not because I want a good grade, but to learn because I WANT TO LEARN.

"something to inspire you"

It is very rare for me to have a guy care about my studies. I had the opportunity to have one and that inspired me to study harder.

BAHH!!

I have a need to vent something out because if I don't I would probably go crazy this whole quarter. I want to start this quarter with a clean slate, with no extra baggages from the break hanging around.

----

I know I'm cynical. But I guess I'm like that because I've experienced way too much things that disappointed me.

I know that one of my Christmas wish is to be more of a positive thinker. But I can't help to be a pessimist when it comes to some matters in life.

I HATE EXPECTING.

Why is it that when you do take a risk, you feel like it is not being credited that much?

Why is it that when you don't take a risk, you feel that it is being credited that much?

----

I have this huge thing that I'm carrying that I don't know how to get rid of. Well, I guess I'm really lucky because the quarter is starting so I'm gonna be pretty busy and not think about that thing. I HOPE.

NAKAKAINIS!!!! GRRRRR... I wish I wish that I could vent out more stuff..

BAAAHHH!!! This is such a good way to start this year.

*** I started out 2006 by practicing to become an overanalyzer. Thank you very much. ***

PAK DIS S**T!!!!

update @ 11:19am :

i just realized how bad of a writer i am when i'm frustrated... wahahahahhaha... just read the stuff that i've written in this entry and you'll know what i mean.. hehehehe..

first day of school is today. had my first class at 9:30. an english class that focuses on medieval and renaissance literature. professor seems pretty nice and kind of funny. i bought her class packet today at the copy center. $27!!! good gosh.. i have not paid that much for a course packet.. it's more expensive than the book for that class... thank God i brought money with me today.

anyway, at this hour, i'm suppose to be going to my adviser's office to ask her to change my major from biochem to chemistry. but, the lazy bug hit me cause umm.. well the building's kinda far from where i am and ummm.. it's raining out.. and umm.. it's cold.. hehehe.. so i'll do it tomorrow (or maybe after my physics class).. I SHALL TRY TO BE MORE DILIGENT STARTING TOMORROW.. hahahahahha..

i have a 3 hr break in between classes today.. i have my physics class at 1:30.. hahahahaha.. niceee.. hehehe.. i have no lunch money anymore.. the packet ate it all... grrr.. ho hum..

so i told God about my frustrations this morning (i actually woke up right before my alarms went off). talking to Him made me feel much better. i ahhh.. confessed to Him everything that i'm trying to hold back... so right now.. i'm just ok. getting better at brushing things off (i think)... doing stuff that keeps me busy actually keeps me sane and less frustrated.

hmmmm.... ok.. imma go try to read my $27 course packet now..

BYE BYE 2005

YEAR-END SURVEY

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?

hahaha.. it's a secret.. for my own knowledge only.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really keep New Year's resolutions because I don't end up fulfilling them anyway. It's mostly goals that I keep.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

My brother's wife. I'm not really close to her because I don't know her, but I'm close to my brother.

Did anyone close to you die?

none that I know of.

What countries did you visit?

GAAHHH.. none.. we were suppose to visit Canada... buuuttt.. ho weelllll..

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

Independence.

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

dum dum dum... i have none... or i can't remember any.. damn you short term memory!!!

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting into a hard-to-get-in school.

What was your biggest failure?

failing to realize how different a university is from a college.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

injury... glasses falling all over me.

What was the best thing you bought?

my iBook.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

my sister. she's less irritating.. waitt.. no.. she still is.. pero mas mabait na sya sakin ngayon..wahahahaha...

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

hahahaha.. too much people to mention.

Where did most of your money go?

food

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

There were lots. Probably the most the I got excited about was getting into the UW.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2005?

Don't Cha by Pussycat Dolls
Blind by Lifehouse
You and Me by Lifehouse
Collide by Howie Day

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? -- I dunno.. I'm just different from last year.. that's all
ii. thinner or fatter? -- Thinner, I think
iii. richer or poorer? -- somewhere in between

What do you wish you'd done more?

socialize and studied harder

What do you wish you'd done less of?

slack off... waste my time doing nothing

How many one-night stands?

None.

What was your favorite TV program?

One Tree Hill, Related, Charmed

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

NADA.

What was the best book you read?

Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. It's actually the only book I read this year.. beside by textbooks that is.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Indie music baby!! Death Cab for Cutie!! The Pale!! Aqualung!!! and many many more..

What did you want and get?

chocolates =)

What was your favorite film of this year?

ahhhhhh... i dunno.. i forgot the movies that I watched.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to school. hahahaha.. I turned 19.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

nothing.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

more of a mix ... rocker chick/surfer chick/sloppy chick/bohemian.. there's a lot.. i don't really have a concept...

What kept you sane?

computer.. Curly..sleeping

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

no one.. i don't follow celebs that much na.

Who did you miss?

my uber sexy friends sa Pinas

Who was the best new person you met?

There's a lot.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:

1) There's nothing wrong with failing.
2) When you get rejected, pick up your ego and move on with your life.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:

That I'm smart. I've been hearing it from my parents and friends, but hearing it from a not so close person to me, is nice..

That I would've been admitted to that school if I didn't have the abilities to survive that school. (This was from a friend who just made me smile when I was feeling down on my first midterm grade in Biochem.)

the most touching experience you've had this year?

BLaaahhh.. ummmm.. i dunno..

What did you like most about yourself this year?

I guess.. when i'm honest to people...

What did you hate most about yourself this year?

my lack of happy disposition

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Say goodnight, and go" -- imogen heap

Was 2005 a good year for you?

Good year.. so many ups and downs.. but the ups outweighed the downs..

What was your favorite moment of the year?

Summer baby..

What was your least favorite moment of the year?

dramas.

Where were you when 2005 began?

Seattle.

Who were you with?

parents and curly

Where will you be when 2005 ends?

at my aunt's house

Who will you be with when 2005 ends?

family

Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?

nope.. more of like a goal: TO STUDY EFFICIENTLY AND PROACTIVELY

What was your favorite month of 2005?

June, July, August and September. and December of course.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?

Nope.. because i don't own people

Did you miss anybody in the past year?

Of course i did.

What was your favorite record from 2005?

Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business, Lifehouse - Lifehouse,

How many concerts did you see in 2005?

1 -- Gwen Stefani

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005?

NOPE

do a lot of drugs in 2005?

No...

you do anything you are ashamed of this year?

ahhh.. i dunno.. i think..

How much money did you spend in 2005?

no clue

What was your proudest moment of 2005?

getting into UW

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?

ahahahahhahaha.. sakin na lang yun!

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?

studied harder

What are your plans for 2006?

school, summer school, work, exchange program

How are you different now that the year has ended?

I'm not sweating the small stuff anymore,

What are your wishes for the new year?

Be closer to the ONE who created me

My 2005 Song (ARTE!)

Gravity Gets Things Done
The Pale

You are the girl with the smiles and gravity
and gravity gets things done
you're always up and you're always down
but you make it look so fun
And you want them to see
and you want them to know
but they never find the real you
you never once complained
but now twenty years are gone
and you're ready to explode
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
I am the one who can solve all your problems
a savior with only you to save
and that's why I'm here at least I tell myself that
the motivation becomes so blurred
And you want me to see
and you want me to know
but I never find the real you
you're buried just beneath the surface
and you're ready to explode
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
I will wait here, darlin'
to make sure you are okay
I will wait here, darlin'
for you
for you
You are the girl with the smiles and gravity
and gravity gets things done
you never once complained
but now twenty years are gone
and you're ready to explode

My Christmas THIS YEAR

1. i realized how much of a hero my aunt is because she raised 3 kids in a foreign country all by herself.



2. i realized the true meaning of giving because of what my sister gave to me this year.



3. i felt Christmas on Christmas day itself.


4. my sister made me wear her 3 inch heel boots because her foot was so sore from it. she had an accident (fell down the stairs) two weeks ago, so she can't really flaunt her stuff for a long period of time.

5. Christmas humbled me this year.

MORE PICTURES

A Rare Picture of Kuya Eric and Me

Me and my brother-in-law sleeping after eating and camera whoring..

=]

I just got finished watching Fantastic Four. It was a funny movie. HEHE. It actually has more comedic touch to it than action. OH! and let's not forget Julian McMahon and Chris Evans. TWO of the hottest guys that live in this planet.

So yesterday was the official start of my Christmas break. Slept till 1 pm. Got up at 3 pm. Vacuumed. Took my mom to work. Finally got something(s) for my aunt, who I got on our Christmas "bunutan" thing, thanks to my mom. Rented Fantastic Four. Went home and wrapped the something(s) up. Then, off I went again to pick up my mom.

What a day.

Tomorrow I shall go back to work. I'm working at Macy's right now as a seasonal helper. I'm part of the merchandise support team. It's a hard job for me considering I have to be on my feet for 7 hours. And being on my feet for that long drives my back and my legs nuts. Oh well. I'm just fulfilling one of my wants on my Christmas wishlist. HEHE. Plus it's something to do during the break. I really don't want to live like a bum for 2 weeks. I'll go nuts figuring out what to do BESIDES tinkering with my computer.

Anywho, I've been working on a meditating spell right now. One that can ward off "false" feelings. So, whenever you tend to feel "false" feelings, just tell yourself that the person you're having "false" feelings for is GAY. Tell yourself that a million times and THAT problem will surely go away. I SWEAR to YOU. It's that simple.. hehehehe..

My father will be arriving on Wednesday. My aunt and I will pick him up. DAMN. 3 parents in one house. GRRR. It's gonna be hard for me to stay out late now. HRMM. Minsan ko lang naman ginagawa e.. K lang. HEHEHE..

OK. I shall leave you with a picture thing of me and Curly. Did this during the week of Thanksgiving.

=( -- PART 2

It's so sad that one can't seem to conceal or guard his/her heart from the external elements that could hurt it.

False feelings. Presumptious feelings. "Crawly" feelings.

These elements are what I am talking about.

It's just so sad how we can fall for them and then suddenly one day it hits you that they're not true or that they're merely an act of pretentiousness done by your heart to you.

Why is it so hard to guard your heart from these elements? Because we seem to have the need to feel these feelings? Because we need to feel them in order to feel good about ourselves? Because we need them to assure ourselves that THAT person might actually like us?

Baket pa naimbento ang mga ganong klaseng feelings? I know that I've talked about this in this blog a million times now, but I guess ngayon lang ako napuruhan ng todohan tungkol sa ganyan.

During work today, I asked God if He could guard my heart against these elements. While I was asking him, I felt so sad because the only time that I go and talk to him is when I have problems.

I HATE THOSE FEELINGS! SALOT SILA SA BUHAY NG MGA TAO!


I just feel sad and bad right now. I need a place to vent out.

BAH HUMBUG!

CHRISTMAS!! COME NOW!! PLEASE!!! I beg.. because I'm slowly becoming a scrooge... just take a look at this:


words by: Natalie Imbruglia

=(

For five days, I've been trying so hard to focus my attention to Biochemistry.

There are a lot of things to study. A lot of memorization and understanding. There's a lot.

I'm having a hard time focusing. I don't know which topic I should target first.

I'm trying my best to be positive. I really don't want to think negative in times like this.

God please help me.

There IS beauty in BREAKING DOWN.

No matter how much you hold it in, it'll always find a way to come out of you.

What If..

Curly suddenly runs away from our house. Of course we would be hysterical and everything. We think of ways of how to get him back --- Flyers, police, talk to people.. the whole nine yards. We do them, of course.

Then one day, as I'm typing my philosophy essay in our living room, I see a guy, through the close blinds, coming up to our front door holding Curly through a leash. I jump up, run to the door and open it. I giddily pet Curly. I stand up, look at this guy's face to thank him. Then, I see how cute this guy was.

Man... if only that can happen.... I swear, right now I'm thinking of getting Curly lost in order for some cute guy to rescue him and give him back to us.

Of course, this is just me dreaming.

hayy.. if only.

i am afraid, afraid of the truth.

here's a comment i received in myspace from a friend:

[...] but yeah..lam mo ganyan tlga buhay...di natin maiiwasan and pagbabgo..sa tingin ko wlang buhay kung walang pagbabago..ksi sa pagbabago..marami tayong natutuklasan...natututunan...maaring maging hindi maganda ang mga kalalabasan ng mga pagbabagong ito..pero sa bandang huli ang mga di magagandang pangyayaring ito ang magiging sandigan natin para mas mapaunlad natin ang mga sarili natin...maaring meron tayong mga masaktan..at maaring meron din tayong mga taong mapasaya...pero sa kabila nga lahat...ang mundo at ang buhay ay punong puno ng mga pagbabago....minsan din akala natin batid na natin ang lahat....katulad ng pagkakakilala natin sa isang tao....di natin napapnsin na ang mga taong ito ay tlgang hindi natin kilala pero naiisip natin na kilala na natin sila...pero and totoo..kilala natin sila sa paraan na gusto natin silang makilala...nakakagulat di ba....nakakainis....basta isipin mo na lang na habang bilog ang mundo....patuloy pa ring iikot ito...di man natin mapagtanto ang mga pagbabago...atlis mahalin mo na lang ang sarili mo...!!!!

she just could not resist lecturing me in the public's eye. but i can't blame her, lahat ng sinabi nya totoo.

totoo ang kasabihan na ito: pisceans are good advisers, but they're BAD advice takers.

Thanks for everything. Have a Good Life.

i don't understand why we can't just tell the whole truth about who we really are, like it is as if we sugarcoat our "real" self to people because we are afraid of bad judgments and bad impressions that they will have on us.

i guess we can't really tell the whole truth about ourselves if we are trying to get to know who we are or if we don't really know who we really are. but in making friends or at least if we want to make friends, don't we owe it to the person that we want to be friends with to at least know some (honest) part of us that WE know of?

i don't like hypocrisy.

i don't really care for people who hide their true self from people that they call "friends".

i trashed something again, but it's ok, it wasn't really worth keeping it anyway because it wasn't really the "real" thing.

life has many ways of biting our asses. it is unfair and yes, we have to deal with that till the day that we die.

But even if it's unfair, I'm still thankful for it. I'm still thankful that I'm live in a world created by the one good Being that makes life fair in the end.

And on the thankful note....

I am thankful to God for always being there for me even if I don't acknowledge His presence that much

I am thankful for my family, especially for my mom, for being the kind of person she is and for being sacrificial to every whim and desire of her kids.

I am thankful for my friends, the true ones, the ones that truly cared, the ones that made me laugh, the ones that gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, the ones that made me feel that I'm gonna be alright, the ones that stuck with me through the bad times, the ones that i don't really talk to that much but i know that they're still there, and finally the ones that accepted me for who i am.

I am thankful for Curly, because he keeps me company when i'm going through bored times.

I am thankful for my computer, without it, I would be on the road to self-destruction because of the things that I would see on TV.

I am thankful for my clothes, without them I would be naked.

I am thankful for a warm bed, without it, I would be freezing my ass off.

I am thankful for my fondness of photography and music.

Finally, I'm thankful that I'm breathing right now.