This sh*t is BANANAS --- B-A-N-A-N-A-S

(1) Key Arena concert crowd. (2) Opening. (3) Gwen's opening with Harajuku Girls. (4) Gwen in her stripey outfit. (5) Gwen in her polky dotty outfit. (6) Gwen singing "Cool".

Gwen Stefani said F.U. during her concert last Monday at the Key Arena Center.
..... And to think there were a bunch of little kids who were watching her perform.

I took a lot of pictures, they're not really clear because we were really far from the stage. I also recorded videos of some parts of her show. Check out my Multiply to view them.

My sister bought me a concert shirt worth $40. Goodness. To think I could buy a pair of shoes with that price. Hmmm.. The things that we do for Gwenie. LOL.

---**---

My Flickr site is updated.


** all links open in a new window

The New One

OK, so maybe I could stop being a subtle a** towards my brother and start treating him the way I treat my two sisters. But then again, I might just be feeling this way because of this kid right here:


Meet my newborn nephew everybody, Juan Miguel Paulo, a.k.a., Miggy.

Love the name. So cute.

For once, me nagustuhan akong decision na ginawa ng kapatid ko.

My Dream Photo Assignments

(1) Band Profile

*band picture
*band performing

(2) Candid Profile Shot

*of anyone

(3) Basketball Game

*more action pictures

(4) More Architecture shots

(5) More photojournalistic shots

*for practice means.

---

I miss taking pictures. Man, digital SLR. If only. hmmm..

I'll update my Flickr site this week. I have lotsa pictures to put in it, mostly stuff I took during my newspaper shoots.

---

TOTALLY UNRELATED:

The Side A Album entitled "Acoustic Love Songs" is the perfect CD for those who are soothing a broken heart or those who are going through a break up. The best CD! I listened to it while I was going through mine.

a Meme and a Song and a Disheartened being

Copy and paste the questions to your site and answer them, then pick five people whom you wish to be singled out. Don't forget to tell them they have been singled out.

You get one wish of anything, what would you ask for?
- My wish right now is to be right about wanting to finish college with a degree in Biochemistry.

What animal would you be?
- a dog (they seem to have the good life.. eat-sleep-play-eat-sleep-play)

Something you want to do in your life:
- travel Europe

One time there were these Ninjas...(finish the statement.)
- that were talking about their fighting styles.

One song you could listen to over and over again
- hmmm... good question.. I actually don't know.. hehehe

Coke or Pepsi
- Coke

Something you currently desire:
- an outfit to wear on Christmas Eve (can I get any more shallow than this?)

What's a "mastoid"? (Take a guess no peeking in a Dictionary.)
- i dunno.

One good deed you've done lately:
- I chose to hang out with my family rather than go to a friend's party (not that I can go or anything)

A funny moment in your life:
- last night was one.. hahahahaha.. A funny and scary moment.. won't go into any further details..

-------

I love love this song. It kind of describes what I want to do with my life right now.

Fly Away
by: Nelly

Free City
This is a shout out to every young brother
Doing his bid right now
Keep your head up
he's walking the yard wishing he has wings
Ya know fly right out of that joint
Yeah, man

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Man it's the longest yard I ever had to get in my life
See my life ain't right and my right don't wright
My niggas can't eat if the fish don't bite
My razor grows hairs like Mike at night
My big brother all mighty, I keep my ray I'm a G five G
I take a G five deep to my G is deep
On Murphy and the G don't speak
Listen man we don't get down round hurr
The body bag, you found and gagged right hurr
It's as serious as the sound right hurr
The guards guard the ground, four pounds right hurr
They ain't playin, they just lettin ya know
That anything that will happen will happen real slow
That the word from upstairs till you in that hole
I can't take it, I'm just ready to go

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

I'm in my cell 20 hours a day
I'm doin push ups every hour a day
Cuz I'm tryin to keep the cowards away
That's why I'm markin off the calendar days
Tryin ta get it out of the way
And I'm just tryin ta keep a piece of mind
And I'll strike a muh Fucka with a piece of mine
Cus he tryin to take a piece of mine
So Ima slice his a ass one piece of the time
But not that they closed the door, lock me in
In a cell thirty deep, but it's built for ten
What kind of world they got you in, with a barb wire fence that box you in
From now till they turn off the lights, I'm a read every thing in sight
It's kind tryin of hard to read at night
But Ima change my life and help anotha brotha take this fight

If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

Oh no, I gotta make it out this place some how
Oh no, Man I really believe that I could turn it around
Oh no, You see all I need is that second chance to show
Since the incarceration my obligation to rehabilitation
Oh no, they can punch behind, they can kick me low
Oh no, Spit on me, It's gonna take more than that for them to break my sould
I said oh no, man it's for people to understand how it's like to be
Jaded, incarcerated, most can't take it
And I can't wait to see better days

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away
Ew, I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know, hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle, I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet, but it's still the longest yard

Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

If I could fly away
If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away
If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away

So maybe it's a song for men that are locked up. But if you analyze the words in a deeper sense, you could actually relate it to your life.

-----

Why did I let a small thing become a big thing?
Why did I have to lead myself down a dead end road?
Why do my head keep bring up stuff up? AND why does my heart keep eating those stuff out?

Maybe I'm masochistic. Maybe I'm just not sensing the bigger picture. Call me crazy but I think I have numbed myself from getting hurt. It's unhealthy I know. Men, my issues are killing my insides.

HAHA.

I have two midterms tomorrow and look at what I'm doing.

Besides blogging, I've been in and out of FRIENDSTER and MYSPACE.

crap.

BAAAHH!!!

----

got this idea from Peyton's Podcast:

Top Five Albums that I will bring on a deserted island:

1. No Doubt, The Singles - 1992-2003
2. Mix CD of my Top 18 Favorite Alternative Songs
3. Lifehouse Mix CD
4. Linkin Park Mix CD
5. Coldplay Mix CD

Why did I get hooked on Alternative/Independent music?

I was asking myself this question as I was walking from the bus stop to my house. I've been REALLY hooked on the genre since 2002? or 2001? I can't remember.

Anyway, I'm hooked because it's less irritating than the hiphop/rap, mainstream, and mush that I keep hearing over and over again on the radio.

I'm sleepppyyyy..

just because..

(1)

This week is another crazy academic week for me. I have 2 midterms going on on Friday and one paper that is due on Tuesday and to top all that I have Philo readings to read. Oh Joy!

I'm partially thankful that I didn't take any work study job because if I did my energy would just be shut down, as in way down.. probably beyond the "down" that I'm trying to say here.

I'm cramming on my paper right now. Yes, I blame myself for not prioritizing during this weekend. I had 3 days to do it and I chose today of the 3 days to do my first draft. Oh Joy. Well, to my defense, I got my outline down for it last Thursday. All I have to do now, and tomorrow, is form paragraphs and work on my diction. I just pray to God that He will provide wisdom to me despite my lack of responsibility.

(2)

I took some pictures yesterday of some late night restaurants that are near the U. I'm gonna post them on Flickr and maybe here once this week is over with.

(3)

I finally finished watching the Star Wars saga. Episode 6 is my favorite of all. Episode 1 takes second place. By the way, I WUV EWOKS! Because they're so cute and so furry and yeah.. I'm gonna shut up now.

(4)

Lastly, I was informed this weekend that Pisceans are born to love and train animals. INTERESTING.

despite the best efforts of preventing myself to breakdown..

Well, I still did, all because of one measly QUIZ.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
*Booker T. Washington*

Booker's right.

Family and friends are right.

So maybe I should stop belittling myself and start believing in the possible.

If I don't broadcast, I might flip inside out.

(1) I got a 55/125 on my first midterm in Biochemistry.

My professors sent out an email to me that reads, "we are concern about your performance in the first midterm for you have receive less than 50% of the total score and base on our previous experience, students who receive a grade less than 50% will most likely fail the entire course," obviously I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the gist of it.

(2) I got a 36/60 on my first Philosophy essay.

Writing Philosophy essays is hard. Just ask me, I'm currently experiencing it. I sorta made this rule for writing, think of it as one of the rules in Liane's world: if you can't write philosophically, then you can't write at all or you can't call yourself a writer at all.

I know that I'm not suppose to drawn myself in sorrow and self-pity and doubt. I mean they're only FIRSTS right?

Right now, I'm sorta preventing myself from breaking down. It is for me to say that because to me breaking down will not lead me anywhere but a black hole that contains sorrow, pity and doubt.

The email that was sent by my professors really put a dent on my heart. Somehow I felt like it was written in a condescending manner. But I know that the email was sent by good intentions, it did contain suggestions on how to do good on future exams.

I remember that I wrote something about wanting to have good grades in all my classes at the U. Somehow now I feel like I'm not gonna be able to fulfill that desire. But whatever.. who knows.. I told myself that I will make it up in my 2nd midterm and my 2nd paper.

I don't want to drown myself in doubt. I don't want to tell myself that I don't deserve to be in this school if I'm getting this kind of grades.

I've been told that Biochemistry was quite challenging. It was drilled in my brains a thousand times that writing philosophically is harder than writing a research paper.

I don't want to go through the drama of me not having ok grades in all my major classes. I do not want to go through doubting my choice of major again. I know that I've come so far and worked hard enough to get myself into this major and for me to just throw it all out because of some condescending email is just pure crappa.

As for my Philo class, well, it's interesting and confusing. I took the class because I wanted to learn something about Philosophy. Like I said before, in my previous posts, I did not have any single clue what Philosophy was really about before I entered that class. Now, I'm just full of "confused" questions and a somewhat "one-sided" mind.



sides: I just had to let all that out, you see I'd rather broadcast this to the whole world than to just talk to people. I'm kinda tired of talking. I'd rather write all the frustrations out.

friendly and familiar faces back home and a whole lot of random stuff.

i miss them sooooooooo...

damn you guys for being in sembreak!!! LOL... joke lang.. ihihi...

anyway, i miss them.

I've been trying to call one of them, but she's not answering her phone (well, it's either that, or her cellphone is trying to be primitive again). BAHHH!!

Sana binabasa nyo 'to 'no?? But knowing you guys well, you don't have much time and patience to read this.

anyway, despite the fact that you guys are not reading this. i'll still write messages....

Lin-Lin -- PARE!! yang cellphone mo itapon mo na!!! langya naman, ilang beses na kitang tinatawagan at ilang beses na rin akong niloloko nang cellphone mo na yan.. dude, when was the last time I talked to you???? I think it was your birthday.. tagal na rin men.. a month and a half..

Lenn -- as if i don't call you every other week.. sooo, i don't miss you that much.. hahahahaha.. joke.. miss kita sobra, kasi ang kulit mo!! hahahahaha.. dude, pare, kelangan natin ulit gawin yung inuman with gin?? remember that time when we're at nyo's place?? hahaha.. nung binilhan tayo nila Ron ng gin? tapos hindi natin naubos? tapos pinagalitan tau kasi di natin naubos?? hahahaha..

Joy -- hahahaha.. I saw you go online sa YM last night, but I went offline naman.. hehehe..

Heidi -- pagawa mo na yang house phone nyo!

Nat-- go on a break!! magpapetition ka sa school mo!! 1 month break from all the things they're putting you through.. i miss our bonding times on the phone.. kahit na alam ko na never kitang tinawagan kapag andito ko sa seattle........ and me miss our serious talks with some serious banterings about how dramatic each can get.. hahaha.. gets mo ba yun?? men, take a break!! and I promise I'll call you!! hahahaha..

Who else am i missing? dami!! hahahahaha.. yung isa siguro tatawagan ko sa araw na feel ko.. hahaha.. nakakatamad naman makipagusap sa tao kapag hindi mo alam kung anong ikukuento mo e....

Sayang, di ako makakauwi next year.. GRRR.. leche kasi e.. pero ok lang.. siguro Christmas next year uuwi ako!! WIIIHHH!!! I want too!! AYY!! that's an idea... ma-ipropose nga sa nanay ko.. HMMM... Salit kami ng tatay ko, ako sa Pilipins, tapos sya dito.. hahahaha.. mapagipunan nga.. para half bayaran ko, half bayaran nila.. hahahahaha.. kukuha na ko ng mas magandang trabaho next year.. para me pera for that!! o diba?? ang ganda ng plan ko??!!! excited na ko.. hahahaha.. Christmas with KIDS!! WIHHH!!! WAIIIITTT.... I just realized that Christmas is a peak season over there.. MEEENNN... haaa.. maybe I'll save a quarter of the ticket money.. who knows?? ipropose ko lang naman e.. hahahaha... basta... bala na si God.. Sana payag si momsy.. I will work hard sa studies, para pumayag.. hahahaha.. para incentive na lang yun.. wihhh!! Christmas next year in da Pilipins!!!

----

Hmmm.. I just realized that I posted something everyday this week (except for yesterday). HAHAHA.. I made up for the past week of no posting.. hahahaha..

----

By the way, regarding the last wish of the previous post, I really want to be that. Seriously. I mean, if I can do artsy shots, why can't I do photojournalistic shots?? Hmmm.. the past shots I made for the paper, wasn't all that. Napangitan ako, especially the last one.. I guess I could say that I'm practicing, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself.. hayy.. I have two weeks to collect assignments.. hahahahahaha.. Sana maraming ibigay.. hmmm... practice na 'to.. By the way, I should be able to stop being intimidated by the pro amateurs/pro in the staff.. la lang.. parang nakakababa lang kasi makiwork sa kanila, kasi ang gagaling ng mga shots nila.. haayy.. pero nakakatuwa kasi hindi sila yung tipong nagrerelease ng intimidating aura (I'm the only one that's actually feeling intimidated by them.. they're actually not releasing anything to me.. basta!! gets nyo na yun!! ehehhe.. ), kasi tinutulungan nila ako, tinuturuan nila ako.. tapos la lang.. parang they don't really put a lot of "pressure" on me since alam nila na bago ako.. basta ok sila!! hehehe.. sana hindi na ako mahiyang makisama sa kanila.. hehehe.. for those of you who know me well, I'm not really good at being social with people.. it's either they come up to me, or I don't talk to them at all.. hahaha.. yes.. I'm that much of a snob.. which is why I don't have a lot of friends.. hehehe..

By the way, my digital camera sucks at taking photoj pictures.. IT SUCKS!! Just look at the link of the last picture I took.. grrr... well.. actually... either the camera just sucks at taking photoj pictures or I didn't set the settings right. DAMN IT!! I need practice!!! I really wanna be good.. I wanna have a niche with photoj pictures too!! haayy.. pano kaya kung wala akong talent in taking photoj 'no?? grrr... oh well.. at least I will know that photoj is not my area of expertise.. makikita ko within this quarter.. I'm aiming for getting a picture in the front page of the paper.. hahahaha.. mangyari kaya?? HMMMM.. I shall wait and see..

----

A conversation I had with my sister two weeks ago (I think):

sister: so Liane, I have a question for you, what are you gonna do after you're done with college?

me: I HAVE NO IDEA. (I'm saying this to her with a big smile on my face.)

----

I just had coffee, hence the very long and random post.

Narealize ko nga lang pala this morning na maganda pala ang MORNINGS. hehehe.. 'la lang.. kasi while I was walking down the University Way, on the way to campus, na-feel ko lang na ang ganda ng MORNINGS.. hehehe.. 'la lang.. feel ko lang na at that moment while I was walking, I started to appreciate MORNINGS.. hehehe.. sayang sana dinala ko yung camera ko para napicturan ko yun.. HMP!!

Sige yun lang.. magrereview na ko para sa Philosophy.. I have a 4 pt quiz mamayang 11:30.. hahahaha.. oo nga pala, I don't like this philosopher because he's writings are confusing when I read them. His name is David Hume and according to my Philo TA, he's one of the most influential philosopher in the history of philosophy. I wonder what exactly made him influential when his writings are really hard to grasp. I guess people back in the days had more patience in understanding a Scottish man.

all i want for the holidays ....

So what if Christmas is 2 more months away? I'll post this list again when December arrives, but until then, force yourself to read it now. I got this from Marla.

STEP ONE

Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your blog. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. the wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("i'd love a ______ icon that's just for me") to medium ("i wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("all I want for christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV."). the important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.

STEP TWO

Surf around your friends list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- do it.

You need not spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

..... i wish for .....

1. for F-R-I-E-N-D-S .... to get together without any bullshit, hypocritical, and contradicting attitudes roaming around.

2. for myself .... to get over some sibling issues.

3. for myself .... to own a digital SLR camera.

4. for myself .... to have a quarter to study abroad.

5. for myself .... to own a wool trench coat and cheap but sturdy pointy kitten heels (or one inch heels) pumps

6. for myself .... to own the Howie Day CD

7. for that person .... to get what they want.

8. for myself .... to have a date with anyone who's down to eat anything and everything in one day.

9. for myself .... to own a Tiger OS.

10. for myself .... to be a damn good photojournalist by the end of this year.

Or so She says...

"Binigyan ka pa ng isang anak ng Diyos para me kasama ka pag wala na ang mga nauna mong anak"

-- what my grandmother told my mom when my mom was wondering why I was given to her.

Mothers can be and maybe always will be an annoyance to us. But we can't blame them for being that way. It is imbedded in every mothers in this world to be annoying.

Mothers are protective. You can't blame them for having that kind of attribute because they were assigned by God to protect us. Plus, she didn't spend 9 months of her life carrying you in her stomach and just waste that 9 months out by just letting you be in this big, bad world without any sense of defiance for yourself.

Mothers are good advisers, in fact, they're the best advisers in the world. We all know the saying "mom knows best", it's cliche, I know, but it holds true up until today.

Some people are not lucky enough to have met their mother because it was either their mom (a) died while giving birth to them, (b) they're mother left them at a young age, or (c) they're mother is abusive and just wasn't the type that would get to know her kid. Yet some people are lucky enough to have a mother that was there during the "firsts", the "lasts", the heartaches, the happiness, the sadness and so forth.

I'm lucky to have my mother with me today. And no matter how annoying and nagger-ish she gets, I'm still glad that I have her. Kung wala sya, baka siguro naging pariwara ako.

Love your moms. Love all their qualities. Kasi sila minamahal nila ang kanilang mga anak, inspite of the bad qualities that they see in their kids. Kaya dapat ganon rin tayo sa kanila.

"Good things come to those who wait patiently."

lahat na ginagawang maganda at nakakaantig sa puso, ginusto na.

lahat ng ginagawang panget pinalalampas pagkatapos ng ilang araw na pagdadamdam.

kahit na alam na walang kahulugan ang mga sinasabi, binibigyan pa rin ng kahulugan.

hanggang kelan ba magtatagal yun?

hanggang kelan ba magtitiis?

sabi ng iba, tanga raw ang magtiis sa wala.

sabi naman ng iba, pag nagtiis me mahihita sa huli.

ang hirap hindi isipin ang hindi dapat isipin.

ang hirap isipin ang dapat isipin.

ganda talga ng buhay.

----

Back from hell week, I am. I had to deal with 3 midterms and 1 paper. But it is officially over today. One hell week down, 2-3(?) more to go.

I don't have much to tell. So I bid you goodbye.

Up Mountains, Up Walls, Up High

He who climbs upon the highest mountains laughs at all tragedies, real or imaginary.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra

Since my tuition is paying for the Intramural Activities Building, I should probably start going there and make some use out of it. The building has an indoor climbing center that is perfect for satisfying my interest of wanting to climb a wall again.

I've always been wanting to climb walls again ever since I tried it two years ago. I had a chance once when me and my friends were strolling around the Seattle Center arcade area where there is a single wall that entices people to satisfy their whims to be Spider Man. I didn't climb then because I didn't have the right footwear for it and it didn't really look safe to me. The first time I climbed it felt safe because (1) I had my sister, Lee, as my belay-er (the one that holds the strings attached to me while I climb) and (2) the place where I first climbed at had cushioned mats, the Seattle Center one didn't have either of those.

Now I have a perfect chance to climb again. I don't know when I'll do it. I would probably want someone to go with me there and be my belay-er. But yeah, I just want to climb walls again. It's fun and exciting and scary at the same time. It actually helps ease my fear of heights.

And as for the quote that I pasted above, I know that climbing walls is totally different from climbing mountains. But I'm sure it feels rather the same. I want to climb walls again because I want to laugh my way through problems again. If I climb and reach the top, I can sense that I will feel that I'm leaving my problems down the bottom where they belong.

"For any one to love a man, he must be hidden, for as soon as he shows his face, love is gone."
- The Brothers Karamozov, Fyodor Dostoevsky

I just experienced my first "out-of-borough" lifestyle, today. It's not bad actually, it feels rather good. It feels good to accomplish something without any distractions whatsoever. Not that I'm saying that my "borough" stuff, i.e. my friends, were a distraction (I MISS YOU GUYS, really seriously... UVILLAGE people!! Blue C Sushi!! Who's with me? :D But not now.. hehehe.. I know we're all busy), but it's nice to be able to prioritize again .... well, sort of. I think I'm on the road of accomplishing my goal of making my studies my ultimate #1 priority. I actually blew a photog assignment today because I was behind with my readings for Philo and Biochem. But the reason that I got behind was that I had to shoot an event yesterday, so all is well. I think I pretty much got that down. I hope.

@ 10/08

10/08

@ The weather cooperates with me today. It knows what I'm currently feeling. I'm in Starbucks right now, trying to burn my brain cells out and currently regretting not bringing my camera with me so I could shoot how great this day was for me.

@ Doctors are the third cause of premature deaths: As stated by a stranger to me while I was studying Philosophy.

@ My friend was right, I was not the disturbingly dramatic girl that I am now before. I don't know what caused me to change into this way. I'm taking another friend's advice, take a shot of C2H5OH and whatever it is that's making you dramatic will surely be way out of your head the next day.

@ My job may not give me much in the financial means of things, but it will surely make me happy to see my photo printed out every week in that paper.

@ Being f*cked up means being inspired to do some good work, whether it be in the arts or in sciences.

For the sake of updating you about my (fill in) life.

While I was walking in the Health Sciences Library at the U, I saw a doctor listening to an iPod while walking. Seeing that made me smile because it made me realize that going into medicine does not mean giving up your other niches (i.e., in my case, music and photography).

I am starting to feel the college stress again. I'm currently struggling with some of my Biochem class' concepts, which is sad because the concepts that I'm struggling with are concepts that I took up when I was in General Chem. People, I'm one of the living proofs that if you don't study a "step" in a sequence very well, you will most likely to not do good in the next "step".

Another stress is my Philosophy class. I never thought how annoying overanalyzing is until I started that class. Reading the textbook is a pain in the butt because most of the essays are 16 pages long and are written by major overanalyzers. And if you know me very well, you know that I don't like reading that much, especially forced reading. Anyway, I'll stop complaining, the professor makes up for the long readings during class anyway. She explains the readings in layman's term and she makes the class fun by being frank and to the point.

So far my life as a transfer is ok. I'm just not use to walking a lot. Yesterday, I attended FASA's meeting that was on the other side of the campus from where I am. Oh the joys of walking back and forth.

Ok, class time.

Iskul.

School is good. School is great.

1) I love love my classes.

- Economics - I now know what the word ECONOMY means. I always had the impression that the word economy pertains to financial stuff. Well, in this class, I learned that it's not. Fascinating. Me want to learn more.

- Intro to Philosophy - Ahhhh.. this is my writing class, the one that will fulfill the writing requirement of my major. If this is this, then that is that. But if this is that, then that is this.

- Biochemistry - The chemistry of biology will be revealed in this class. So far, I'm loving it. Although the pH talks and the buffer talks are kinda throwing me off a bit.

I just got the rest of my books last Friday. Thank GOD! I was starting to panic because I haven't done any reading for my Philosophy class (One of the university's gazillion libraries had my Econ book on reserve, so I had no problem with that.), and my section started to discuss what the Apology of Plato is and how was Philosophy described by our professor (who by the way is the one who wrote the textbook that we are using for that class.) last Friday. But all is well now because my books are here.

2) I got a "job" at the university's newspaper, The Daily. It's a photographer position.

3) I got lost X times in that campus. I swear. LOL. It's a pretty big campus. And I think this is one of the rare times that I wish that I know how to use a bike.

4) BYE for now.

:D

*I'm so excited.. oh I just can't hide it..

It is officially a fact that alcohol has been a stimulant rather than a deppressant for me. I hear people tell stories that after they drink two or three bottles of beer, they instantly falter to their beds once they get home. But me, I am wide awake and wonky and hyper. Last night, I was REAALLLLYY hyper because one, I had a lot of caffeine (eating chocolates before playing bowling) and then into the midnight, I had alcohol. O good GOSH. I feel so bad for the person who had to suffer last night with me. LOL. I remember that person saying that I'm fun to be with when I'm drunk, and yet at the same time it's embarassing (if you're reading this, correct me if I'm wrong, I have a mild case of forgetfulness in my hands as you well know).

Macie May: Just randomly placed it in here.

So now that I got all that facts out of my head. I'm going to move on and talk about more not-so shallow stuff. I've been putting off going to the U for a while now. I am suppose to go there to apply for a job that's conjuncted with my work study award. I was suppose to go today, but due to the brain malfunction that happened to me last night, I just couldn't force myself to get off from bed at 11 in the morning. So anyway, with hopes that the greater good will work it's magic on me tomorrow, I just might be able to get my butt on a bus and head for that school (well, I really have to go tomorrow because if I don't take care of that by the end of this week, my award will be cancelled)

On to the more interesting and yet exciting stuff --- I recently began to take interest in getting into medical school again. I haven't been really looking at any medical facts and figures for the past year or so because of the confusion that I'm feeling towards getting into it. Then, the curious bug hit me again a week ago and now once again, I'm thumbing through the medical websites that the net could offer. So, if you're a med or a premed student reading this blog right now, do you have any sites to recommend for me to sift through? I've already gone through the Princeton Review site and I also know the AAMC and the AMA website as well. What I'm trying to look for now are sites that discuss or rather tell stories or experiences of people that are trying to get into med school, the highs and lows of being a med student, and the crazy life of a resident. So please, give me some. I need a lot of perspective right now because frankly, time is ticking away so fast these days that I feel like I just need to make a decision about these kind of things right now. I'm gonna stop myself right now before I jump onto any medical school pep talk on whether or not I will go and apply to it in the future, I shall go on and talk about the present tense, since I feel that talking about the future will just lead me to become even more anxious about what I will do with my life.

Some bench

Anyway, I have 6 more days left till I'm officially back to school. I'm really excited because for one, I get to be busy again. YES!! No more bumming around the house, no more not being useless during the day. I'm finally going to be able to label myself as being insane in the sense that "I'm insane because of a good cause" and not because of "I'm insane because I'm not doing anything at all".

As of last Monday of this week, I'm in the process contemplating on whether or not I should have a life at the U. You see, I'm kinda setting a goal for myself, I want to at least 3.0s and above in all the classes that I will take in that school. I'm really not up for seeing any Cs and Ds in my record and I kinda have to get Bs and As or else it's bye bye degree for me. So for me to be able to attempt the possible, I have to have no life in that school. But thinking about it right now, it's easy to accomplish having no life in that school since it's a pretty big school and it's easy to just cramp up into one space and pretend to be interested in whatever you are reading than just walking around and getting lost in a big campus like that. It's a pretty big school, it's a city within the city and there's 20000+ students that go to that school and I'm pretty sure I will have a hard time finding friends that will be my "friends for life" kinda thing. Hmm.. am I shallow or am I shallow?

The intersection that leads to the ARTS buildings

On to my next dilemma, I talked about joining the Filipino American Student Association in that school and right now, I'm kind of thinking of not joining it because well, it's part of my having no life thing. But then again, if I do decide to join that group, I will have the chance to meet friends (if I don't get too snobby or suplada) and there's a big chance that these friends might be able to help me cope up living in a big city like U and another bigger chance that these friends might be my "friends for life".

In comes my MAJOR issues ---- One of my best friends asked me why I just don't major in English instead. She SAYS, that I'm a good writer, no idea how true that statement of hers is. Anyway, I told her that I've already put so much time and effort on finishing up the majors of Biochemistry and putting that into waste by shifting would be a stupid because seriously, who would want to put the knowledge that I've gained from Org Chem to waste? And I seriously don't want to throw that class and my other classes down the drain because they are the most challenging classes that I ever took, but that's beside the point. Although the thought of majoring in English didn't really leave my mind after I talked to that friend of mine. I kind of thought, "well, if I can't major in English, why can't I just do a minor with it?", so I looked at the minor's page of the U and to my dismay, they don't offer any English minor. So sad. I guess I just have to settle for classes that requires a lot of writing.

Mary Gates Hall (or at least one side of it)

And another major issue --- I re-checked the DARS (the auditing system that the U website has that checks the classes that you still need to take in order to graduate with the major that you're in) and to my surprise, the darn system tells me that I still need to take a Biology class. ARRGGH.. What is up with advisors?? I said before that I already checked with my major's department to see if I should still take more bio courses and the adviser that I talked to there said that I didn't have to anymore, but then this system tells me that I still have to. Good gosh, who do I believe?

Ok, my final rave I know probably by now you all are starting to feel a little sleepy since this post is longer than I intended for it to be. But can you blame me? Once the writing bug hits you, it never goes away. Anyway, I realize that since the university is surrounded by coffee shops, coffee shops will probably be my good place to be at. It is where I will find sanity amidst all the projects, the papers, the quizzes and the assignments that my darn good professors will give me. Ahhh.. my future.. it's getting a little brighter now.


[all pictures taken by ME]

I say BARE.

May sinabi/ginawa sayo ang isang tao na nakasakit sa damdamin mo. Pero instead na magalit ka sa taong yun, tinawanan mo na lang sya, at nagkunwari ka na lang na hindi ka naapektuhan.

You do it everytime. You pretend like as if it's just a small thing when really it's a big thing for you. You pretend that it's nothing when it's something.

You pretend because you don't want to make a big deal. You pretend because you don't want to cry. You pretend because you don't want to expose yourself. You pretend because you don't want to become vulnerable.

But don't you think it's tiring? Don't you think that it's tiring to keep pretending? Don't you think it's tiring to keep storing feelings of betrayal, of hurt, and of rejection inside you and pretend that they didn't exist in your life at all?

Why is it so easy for us to help other people with their problems when the problems we have ourselves we can't solve? Why is it so easy for us to ask our friends to pour out their problems to us, when we ourselves can't even pour our own problems to them?

We're born hypocrites. We tell people who are sad to cheer up, to be happy and to not let the sadness rule their lives. But while we do that, deep inside our hearts, we are in knee deep s***. We tell others to be happy, yet we can't tell ourselves to be happy. We can't tell ourselves to not let the sadness ruin happy moments in our lives.

It's exhausting. But what can you do? If you don't pretend, you don't know if you either lose or win. It's a lose-lose situation. You pretend, you feel crappy. You don't pretend, you don't know how much consequences of you not pretending is gonna make.

What a life.

Random na MAKATA na MADRAMA

mahirap kalimutan ang mga bagay na hindi naman dumating sa buhay mo.

it's hard not to mind things that are not within your reach.

may namimiss ako.

gusto ko ng pumasok.

talking while walking in the snow is my second best date scenario.

i want to fly away.

gusto kong umuwi.

gusto kong mag-photo trip sa downtown.

gusto kong matuto magluto ng carbonara.

madali pala ko mawalan ng self-esteem, pero mabilis ko rin naman nababalik.

madali lang pala akong patawanin, kahapon ko lang namalayan.

tinitignan ko yung ugali ni curly kahapon. nung kaming dalwa lang, matino sya. pagdating nung dalwang kong nanay, ang kulit at ang tigas ng ulo na. napapaghalataan na spoiled sa dalwa. ang labo nya kahapon kasi e, kung kelan nakain kami dun gusto makipaglaro, dun nagpapansin. nung umaga naman, nung nilalaro ko, ayaw maglaro. tamad. pesteng lalake.

and when she says she wants somebody else, hope you know that she doesn't mean you.

pareho kami ng kaibigan ko ngayon. we're both trying hard to forget.

read between the lines na lang. tinatamad akong magform ng isang coherent entry e.

i usually end entries like this with a photograph. pero wala akong makita sa library ko na magfit dito e. (E ANO NGAYON?)




hay nako. hirap ng walang ginagawa. you have way too much time in your hands to think.

"MUST LOVE DOGS"

It's amazing how much compassion I feel for dogs. I can't figure out whether I'm too weird or too sweet to feel that way.

I remember this one class day during my junior year in high school. Our English teacher separated the class into small groups so that we could discuss the Jack London book, "Into the Wild". We were given a set of questions that could help us facilitate a healthy discussion of the book. One of the questions asked was, "If you and your dog were stuck in a snowy mountain, with no heating devices of any kind that could warm you up, what would you do in order to keep yourself warm enough to survive? Would you kill your dog, and make a blanket out of its skin, or would you just sit there and just freeze to death?".

I chose to freeze to death.

Of course, everyone in my group, including our teacher who was listening to our discussion, acted all surprise. Their faces were saying "wow, this girl's stupid". The teacher said to me, "Wouldn't you rather live and let the dog die? Wouldn't you rather live so that you could still see your family?". I just smiled awkwardly and just said, "well, that's just me, I could never see myself killing a dog".

It's funny because before I move here in Seattle, I couldn't care less about any breed of dogs. I just saw them as "things" that eat, sleep, growl, and play. I despised the dogs that we owned back home because of how selfish they are for not sharing food with each other. There was also a point wherein I abused a dog just because he didn't share his food with our other dogs.

It's funny how things change. It's funny now that I can't stand people who leave their dogs in their cars. It's funny now that I can't stand people who abuse their dogs. It's funny know that I think of dogs as humans.

I heard him *burp* this afternoon. ECK.
I love it when dogs tilt their heads to the side. You know, the way that we tilt ours when we're looking at something that we can't figure out.
I love that no matter how old a dog is, they're still there to listen to you, to bug you when they want you to pet them, and to just sit with you when you're sitting all alone by yourself.