for the lack of a better motivation

There is a 50-50 chance that this might be read by one of my family members, but I don't care. I need to vent this out and I need it NOW.

I can't seem to motivate myself in studying for the MCAT. I try my best to study, but all that gets in my head are just the words that I read. Not the MEANING of the words that I read.

I opted out on self-studying for this test because for one, I cannot afford to pay for classes. Plus, those classes bore the heck out of me, hence, me wanting to only self study. I have the materials in my hand. All I need is to purchase the practice tests. So what's up with the lack of motivation?? This summer is actually the best time to study for this test, but nooooo.. FUCK.

I'm so frustrated right now I can't even form words that will make my frustrations go away.

Risk Management and the Photos

STRESS MANAGEMENT

I got a lesson 101 on how to handle a stressful situation yesterday at work. Working in retail will really show you how to handle stress.. good place to work at when you need some practice on stress management..

Here's the scenario:

Credit card swiper wasn't working.. I had three customers who want to pay with credit card.. LUCKILY they were really patient ones.. they ended up just paying with cash.. but i really felt bad making them wait because i really hate it when other people wait out for me, makes me feel guilty especially if they're doing me a favor..

Thank you God for everything that you put me through today and thanks for the lessons.

FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT

I got a credit card two days ago. My mom suggested that I get one so I can build up my credit line. It's a good idea actually, but then again, I really have to be careful with it. I'm scared to use it because you know CREDIT, makes you want to use it because it's just there. But I'm making it a point to limit my usage of it, so for the most part of my usage, I am just going to leave it at the house. My main purpose of usage for it is if I am going to make a big purchase. God, please guide me in controlling myself.

I need to use cash from now on when paying for food.

I need to use debit card for everyday needs and sometimes wants. NOT FOR FOOD.

I need to be savvy. Seriously.

PHOTOS FROM THE PHONE

175th light.. on my way to worky.

Northgate Mall Parking Lot. Clear pic

oh.. the sun is shining.. we don't see the sun 3/4 of the year here in seattle

we see this 3/4 of the year here in seattle, droplets of rain on our cars windows (which we had all week last week.)

me and Reymond.

More pictures coming soon. Canada ones.

work and work

my tired feet.

Yet you don't get paid enough.
and sometimes when you f*** it up, you end up paying for it, HELLA BIG TIME.

Hayyy.. I'm feeling the pain of overworking and being underpaid.

I feel sorry for my poor feet. It's been getting hogwashed for 5 days straight.

I understand now what my mom's work entails.
Although it has some perks, I get to see all the sales in the mall each day I work and I get to have first dibs on it. YAWZA! Although it's bad for my pocket. NYAHAHAHaHAHA..

----

I got a new phone. I'm trying it out for 30 days, see if I like it or not.

LG enV

I don't know if I should keep it yet. I only got it for $85 less the $50 rebate that I have to send if I decide to keep it. The $85 consists of the phone, the car charger, a 512 mb memory, a usb card reader, and a bluetooth handset. NOT BAD!

I like the keyboard set up of the phone, a feature that really caught my eye at first. It also has a 2mp camera, which takes nice pictures. I tested it out and it does take great pictures AND if I wanted, I can opt to have the VZ Navigator for 10 bucks per month, a good alternative to 411 that charges 1.50 per call. But then again, come to think of it it's 10 bucks added to my account.. ssooo.. iono..

i shall think about it.. for now, it's play time..

Career/Job

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

I don't know how true this meme can be. But anyway despite the many career quizzes that I will be taking I am for sure that I will be working with people who are in need of help. No matter what kind of help.

(1) Retail Sales Associate

- This job requires you to help people who are in desperate need to find something that they either WANT or NEED. This job requires you to have the ability to persuade and at the same time become compassionate and accomodating to the needs of the customers.

(2) Social Worker

- This job needs a higher level characteristic and/or capability to be able to withstand any cases that come their way. It's a highly stressful job because you deal with different types of people on a daily basis. You deal with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abused, the neglected, and the homeless to name a few. It requires a high amount of empathy and sympathy. It requires a high dose of helping hand.

(3) Army/Navy/Marines

- (1) Fighting wars (2) Protecting the country they serve (3) Helping other people get out of a danger zone (3) Making an evil place heaven. Yeah they pretty much would risk their lives to save the ones that they love and the ones who they don't even know.

There are more jobs out there that have the description of HELPING OTHERS under their pocket. I just named these three because they were the ones that stood out to me the most.

I seriously can't see myself working in any other jobs. Business jobs sucks, Research is cool, but it ain't for my learning/emotional capabilities, Fashion is fun but it gets old sometimes, photography is sweet, but it's too expensive for my taste.

I'm rambling. I have a sample sale to go to tomorrow so I should sleep.

Oh mi gosh. Seattle is having sample sales.

Part 2: Questions

I made myself happy today. I made a goal. YAHOO!

More on the QUESTIONS.

A 34 year-old man presents with AIDS and tells you, as his physician, that he does not want to tell his wife. What would you do?

First of all, I will respect the man's wishes, however, I would caution him about the dangers of not telling his wife about his condition such as the following: First of, he should tell his wife because he can also transmit the virus to her if they were having sexual intercourse. If this happens, and the wife knows nothing about his condition, then it would make her furious and betrayed at the same time. If the man still does not change his mind about it, then I will just let his conscience do the undertaking for him as well as for his wife because like i said from the beginning it is his wishes and for me doctors always must respect patient's wishes, but also at the same time be rational about hwo they would respect the patient's wishes.

If you had three magical wishes, what would they be?

(1) I wish that someone will give me enough money to go to any medical school that will accept me.

(2) I wish to become a person who will respect, honor and treat other people with empathy and sympathy.

(3) I wish to pass on the knowledge that I gained through the years that I was living to the next generation after mine.

Part 1: Questions

I am going to start posting a series of questions that I will be answering in the span of two months or so. I got these questions from a book that I am "trying" to read right now. I will be trying to compile these questions after I have answered them all and try to analyze my answers to each one of them to see how logical and truthful I have explained them.

Let's start with these questions:

Should doctors be allowed to "pull the plug" on terminally ill patients?

Unless the family tells them to do it, I don't think that they should. Terminally ill patients are still people, people who MAY still have a chance to live a life despite of being terminally ill. It may be medically impossible to happen but one should just trust in faith and just let it flow through the veins of the patient as well as through the doctor's vein. And if faith lets you down, let it be that the person die of natural death, not because of plug pulled to end his life. I believe that everyone should die in honor and peace, not because of an easy way out from an authority who knows better.

Would you consider a career in your present course of studies?

I would definitely consider a career in Chemistry. However, I wouldn't really pursue it to the point that I would go to graduate school, earn a PhD and write a letter requesting a grant for the research project that I want to undertake. Honestly, I don't see myself working beyond a mere laboratory technologist or research technologist in the Chemistry field. I have thought about this for a long time, imagined myself being one, but it just didn't seem to feel right for me. My feelings have only been compounded when I started to work for Chemistry-based labs and through my observations of what the research techs and scientists do in these labs, which are highly repetitive and far less interesting than medicine, fashion, or even photography. But don't get me wrong, I respect the scientists that are currently working to make this field a better and more interesting than it was. These scientists have worked their brains and their body for Chemistry to serve a better purpose.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

This is quite the tough question to ask. I think, the quality that I would definitely most likely want to change right now is me being TOO SENSITIVE. By me being such, I tend to overreact, take control, blame others around me, take pity upon myself and the list goes on.. when such quality overpowers me. I know that if it does affects me so much that I might consider changing it. I've been trying, I've been trying ever since it was pointed out to me by loved ones. I don't know how much I should be trying but hey, at least I'm trying. I don't know. Maybe I should, because being too overly sensitive can cause me a lot of trouble ESPECIALLY if I am planning on taking a career in the medical field. I think I should learn how to build a tough yet soft skin around me, in order for me to be alright.

What I'm thinking right now.

I have been working at this job in a field that is quite different from where I'm suppose to stand right now. The big thing I like about it is that I get the chance to hone my conversation skills with complete strangers. I am doing this for four months. I can extend it if I would like, but then again it's a different job than labs who understand my school load.

I have been having problems with myself lately. Hormonal imbalance of the month, I presume. Anyway, I just wish that I can sincerely and truthfully think of myself as someone who CAN do it. I am just not cut out for all those negative stuff. As one of my old, but still friend said, "don't be pessimistic, be optimistic". I know it sounds quite reductive, but it does work. When she said it, she said it in a tone of voice that will make you think about it all the time, I mean how else can I remember those words after 4 (or is it 5? 6? 7?) years of talking about it.

To address the question that has been asked of me by two people now, "Why have I not been posting new photos?".

Frankly, I'm lazy. I have lost the edge and the drive to take new pictures. I don't know why but I have. Probably its the camera that I have been using. Probably its because my computer's hard drive broke down on me that's why I'm scared to put new pictures in it. Probably because the last time I did some photo works, I didn't quite get the praise that I would've like to had.

Whatever.

Maybe it will come back, maybe it won't. Right now, I am passion less. Well, not really. I've been eyeing lots of new shoes lately so umm.. yeah, you could imagine how my pocket will burn after I get my hands on those shoes.

Then again, maybe not. I'm suppose to SAVE UP.