i Refuse to..

here's another one..


I REFUSE TO WAIT FOR YOU ANY LONGER. There was a
time in my life when I would have saved myself
for you alone. In my heart no one else would do.
I belonged to no one else but you. That isn’t me
anymore. My heart finally caught up with my brain
and I finally saw that all of it was just nothing
but fantasies. Dreams that only I wanted. There
was no hope left for us. As each day passed, it
became clearer to me that it was never meant to
be. We were never meant to be.

I REFUSE TO LIVE IN THE PAST. What we shared
lives in the past, it doesn’t control me any
longer. Don’t get me wrong, I will forever
treasure it but I won’t let it hold me back. I
won’t let it ruin who I was and who I am now. For
a time, I almost forgot who I was without you.
I’ll never let that happen again. I won’t ever
lose myself again.

I REFUSE TO FIGHT ANYMORE. For several months
now, I’ve been fighting. I’ve been fighting for
our friendship and for us. However, no matter
what I do, I seem to be losing. Whenever I feel
as if I’m going to buckle down because of the
pressure, the thought that somehow maybe you are
fighting for us too kept me going. But months
have passed, I haven’t heard from you. Somehow I
finally realized that I was the only one fighting
for us. I was doing everything I could possibly
can for someone who was and never will be mine.

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME.
Somehow, someway, I know that I have a place in
your heart. You may not have been able to love me
the way I wanted you to love me but I know that
even for just a second, you really did love me.

I REFUSE TO LOSE HOPE. It may not be you. It may
take me forever to find him, but I will. Tears
have been streaming down my cheeks for too long
but not anymore. I have learned so many things
from all this. Things that I felt should have
been taught to me some other less painful way but
somehow I don’t regret it. It made me stronger.
It made me look inside myself and really see who
I really am and not who I thought I was. Hope
kept me going. The hope for better things to
come, the same hope that one day I will finally
be over you.